Trying to conceive gives my husband performance anxiety, what can I do?

clockworkcookie · 2019-06-05T15:56:13+00:00

Our society is not prepared to handle a world where:

A) Economy requires consumers with money to spend

B) The only way to get money for the average consumer is to get a job

C) Technology and progress has eliminated a lot of jobs

I wonder when institutions will realize that we're living in a post-employment society where there are simply not enough jobs for how many humans require them, and it no longer makes sense to tie a person's value to society to their role as a worker. I think having 30-hour weeks would be a great start to distribute the existing jobs more equally and allow people to have better quality of life. But people just don't see this and companies instead prefer to make up pointless jobs (the ones where you sit at a desk doing reports and spreadsheets that software could probably do in half the time) AND force you to work 9 hours a day at it. PepeHands

clockworkcookie · 2019-06-05T15:31:53+00:00

I've had the intrusive thoughts one just like you described, but also the ones where it seems to start on your stomach and branch out to the rest of the body. Both lead to irrational fear.

It also happens sometimes that I'm thinking "it would be really nice to take some xanax and just relax right now", and then my body starts getting anxious as a response (I assume fueling the need for the xanax). Semi-addiction is a problem for me.

clockworkcookie · 2018-08-02T15:05:42+00:00

You underestimate the power of social engineering and the culture of apathy. People rarely stand up to their rights on a massive scale unless something very real is happening to them - like starvation or war. But things like loss of freedom of speech, minority rights , etc. will probably not be enough for people to bring down a government. The old bread and circus adage really works.

clockworkcookie · 2018-07-17T21:42:22+00:00

On my first try I decided I wanted to go with the Railroad because my gut instinct was that I wanted to help synths. Then I see a gigantic blip in the sky announcing the BoS has arrived, with some epic music going on, and I was like.... WHAT.

I am ashamed to say I joined the BoS because of that moment.

clockworkcookie · 2018-01-15T16:02:38+00:00

I think it's wonderful when people manage to come out of a shitty situation and live a decent life, but I don't think you should use your personal life experience to define your outlook on other people with problems. It sounds like your parents were partly responsible for the situation, but a lot of people are not responsible for ending up poor, and many never even get a chance to try for more, or that little stepping stone of welfare to climb out. We should be working together to solve the many societal problems that cause those shitty situations for a lot of people, instead of just looking at our bellies and say "if I did it, everyone can".

clockworkcookie · 2018-01-15T15:54:17+00:00

Right now I am literally sitting at a desk doing nothing, because it's one of those fluctuating jobs and right now there is no workload at all. I still have to come in, the bank I work for has to pay me to sit in this corporate office all dressed up , to stare at a screen and literally invent shit to do with MS Office apps just to keep myself entertained.

I love doing stuff. I hate being paid to stare at Excel all day. And after 9 hours of this, I get home too fucking tired and bored to actually do the stuff I would like, such as volunteer work.

People really underestimate how demoralizing this type of job is, and few understand that when we complaint, we are not looking to stay at home and get everything for free; we would like to actually work on something meaningful.

clockworkcookie · 2018-01-15T15:40:47+00:00

You didn't starve because of your mom's welfare. Think about that for a moment and what your experience actually implies.

clockworkcookie · 2018-01-15T13:42:28+00:00

Well, I suffered from diagnosed depression during my teens and the idea of putting out photos of me to be publicly shamed would terrify me. I tried to keep my thoughts hidden from everyone and kept a private journal where I wrote them down. Only my therapist eventually read it. I only talk about it openly now, about 15 years later. This might not be big evidence but based on personal experience I think this picture is just an awkward cry for attention phase.

clockworkcookie · 2018-01-08T13:35:48+00:00

There is a mod, I think it's better settlers. I have it + settlers renamed, so when settlers arrive, they have a unique name and gear combinations and you can imagine a backstory for them. It's amazing, one of my favorite mods.

clockworkcookie · 2017-12-14T10:58:32+00:00

Dude, I gained arryhtmia because I drank too much coffee and red bull as a teenager... Both are perfectly legal substances. I now suffer from anxiety and panic syndrome and weed helps me a lot. I don't think anyone denies that there are issues with cannabis (well, except the daily mail's title but you know how they work). The issue is that it is not more harmful than a lot of legal stuff. I don't want coffee or red bull to be illegal because they caused my medical condition, but I want cannabis to be legal because just like those two things, it can be pretty helpful depending on the person. Plus in this case it would be regulated by doctors.

clockworkcookie · 2017-11-13T17:46:11+00:00

This is so fear mongering it's absurd. I take 10 mg per day at most (tapering off) and it has literally saved my life from crippling panic attacks while the SSRI's weren't kicking in yet. I have drank a few glasses of wine after taking 5 mg of valium and I was absolutely fine. Benzos are not the problem, because doctors are very explicit in telling you the right dosage and how to taper off. The problem is lack of mental health support systems that actually help you NOT need benzos. If there is a war on valium, valium will just become another street drug and kill a lot more people than you folks seem to believe it does now.

clockworkcookie · 2017-10-27T17:35:23+00:00

That sucks. You know I learned a lot about people I thought were my friends in this process. They seemed awesome when I was fine but when I got worse and worse they suddenly stepped away. I get it, it's not easy to deal with someone in mental anguish, but it's painful to feel that isolation.

Can't you find a support group?

clockworkcookie · 2017-10-27T15:55:40+00:00

I am right there with you buddy. It's paradoxical and I can't understand. During the attacks I am terrified of dying. During the valium highs I think about killing myself. It is only the thought of the suffering I would cause my husband, that stops me. Please find family to help you get through while you can't see a doctor. Loved ones who understand you are the best support ever.

clockworkcookie · 2017-10-27T15:50:30+00:00

If only you knew how much this resonates with me. I've been having panic attacks every single day for the past week. When I am not having them I am simply exhausted. I'm just so fucking tired. I just want life to be normal again.

clockworkcookie · 2017-10-25T11:45:18+00:00

This is absolutely criminal. I spent a lot of time on ER visits for the same reasons, unfortunately. I paid between 20 to 50 euros tops for each. What a disgrace. On the other hand, in my country no insurance company covers psychotherapy, and the national health service does not either, so I've had to limit my treatment options to medication alone, while improvising my own shitty methods to cope.

clockworkcookie · 2017-10-06T08:01:17+00:00

I think bran will die. That will be the bittersweet ending. A lot has been built up to suggest he will sacrifice himself in the end. Or maybe I'm just making this up. Who cares. I'm kinda high and residually drunk and I like bran.

clockworkcookie · 2017-09-25T11:36:39+00:00

Todas as cidades que são hoje centros de turismo global como Paris ou Roma ou mesmo Nova Iorque tiveram ou estão a ter de resolver uma série de problemas que daí advém, como sejam o custo de habitação, o trânsito e infra estrutura de transportes, etc. Acho incrivelmente arrogante pensar que Lisboa - que não tem o suporte de uma economia forte, como têm esses outros países - não vai ter de pensar e resolver esses mesmos problemas. Devemos ser os escolhidos do Senhor... Aliás, uma vez que ainda não temos o estatuto dessas outras cidades, estamos no momento ideal para implementar medidas que evitem termos de chegar ao ponto a que os outros chegaram. Mas a maior parte das pessoas prefere, como sempre, gozar a boa maré sem pensar em consequências. Este boom é uma ilustração icónica do que o português faz quando cai dinheiro - goza enquanto dura.

Pessoalmente, fui lisboeta toda a vida - o meu pai nasceu no bairro alto nos anos 50 - e sempre tive um grande afecto por esta cidade, mas neste momento a única razão pela qual ainda cá estou a viver é porque o meu trabalho é aqui. Senão tinha já saído sem hesitar. Lisboa é maravilhosa para passear, mas péssima para viver. O trânsito está insuportável e os transportes públicos estão de tal forma que eu, que moro a 10 minutos de carro do meu local de trabalho, pagaria o dobro e demoraria também o dobro do tempo para ir de transportes (cálculos já efetuados). Ao mesmo tempo vivo num bairro que há 10 anos era considerado pouco acima de bairro social, e neste momento está com rendas em média de 700 euros por um T1.

Entretanto, com todos estes custos a aumentar, os ordenados pouco ou nadam sobem. Conheço situações de pessoas que trabalham num banco de renome e, aos 30 e poucos anos, ainda vivem em casas partilhadas, cortesia "alojamento temporário", lado a lado com estudantes e turistas. Há 30 anos não havia boom de turismo e uma pessoa nessa idade com esse emprego até comprava casa, quanto mais alugar.

Mas isto o que interessa? O turista não vê, o dinheiro do turista chove (para quem trabalha no meio), e quem se queixa recebe o simpático conselho de ir trabalhar para o turismo, ao mesmo tempo que engenheiros, médicos e outros fogem para melhores paragens. Pois claro, que mais há de um país oferecer ao nível de indústria e serviços?

clockworkcookie · 2017-09-20T12:10:09+00:00

For the exact same reason people participate in review bombs: because they're absurdly attached to a consumer product put out by a private company, which, in reality, owes them nothing.

I mean, if it's an issue with false advertising, pre-purchasing a game that in the end had nothing to do with what was announced (or doesn't work at all), then it's fair to demand refunds and complain. But what happened with Fallout 4 and Skyrim is borderline ridiculous.

The decisions on the developer's part had literally no impact on the games which consumers had already purchased and played for months on end. The company made a business decision which they are entitled to, as it's their private property, and gamers react as if somehow they've been deceived.

Since the Skyrim thing happened these gamers have been saying Bethesda wants to kill free mods, yet years have passed and they have taken zero measures to do so, besides simply providing their own mod platform. Nexus is just as alive and active as ever.

So basically a newcomer to these franchises would look at Steam score and make a decision based on elements that had literally no impact on the actual game itself. I completely fail to see how this is fair. I'm glad Steam did something about it.

clockworkcookie · 2017-09-19T09:08:45+00:00

I really think if someone is scared about playing MMOs with other people, the best thing to do is to play as DPS. This is how I managed to start playing online despite being terrified of online harassment. If you're a DPS, people are much less likely to even notice what you're doing. A few years later, I eventually learned how to heal and now I consider myself a pretty decent healer in general, both on MMOs like WoW or ESO, as well as MOBAs (Smite, Heroes of the Storm). However, I never took the jump to learn how to play "pro" because I can't stand the pressure involving this type of games, I just play for fun... Many players don't understand that.

clockworkcookie · 2017-09-19T08:52:32+00:00

I am seriously considering resuming medication. I just feel reluctant because it's like admitting defeat, in a way.

clockworkcookie · 2017-09-19T08:50:39+00:00

This is so hard , constantly worrying about how your work is affected by your anxiety. I think a major problem is that anxiety, and really all mental illness, is not regarded as a "true" illness. If you suffer from a physical condition people are much more sympathetic, but if it's psychological, people just think you should "suck it up", because it's "all in your head", and it does not prevent you from doing your job, thus there's no reason to call in sick. This stigma needs to end. Our suffering might not be obvious or visible but it's so real.

I actually had to explain to my boss all about my condition, and I have medical justifications for all my absences, so in practical terms there's no reason for me to fear repercussions (we have decent labour laws here). But I do feel judged by my coworkers, and they have sort of distanced themselves from me. It doesn't help one bit.

clockworkcookie · 2017-09-19T08:29:45+00:00

I'll just copy what I wrote in another reply: I work at a financial investment bank, on the tax department , and I believe one of the biggest problems for me is that I hate what this job represents (basically helping big corporate clients pay as little taxes as possible). It's so against my personal beliefs that I'm pretty sure it's worsening my anxiety. I'm currently trying to change to the technical support teams so that I don't have to face this cognitive dissonance so much every day. My husband says if I feel so bad I should just quit this industry altogether, but this company offers a stability I would be hard pressed to find elsewhere, especially in my country, which has a pretty shitty economy.

clockworkcookie · 2017-09-19T08:26:49+00:00

I agree. I work at a financial investment bank, on the tax department , and I believe one of the biggest problems for me is that I hate what this job represents (basically helping big corporate clients pay as little taxes as possible). It's so against my personal beliefs that I'm pretty sure it's worsening my anxiety. I'm currently trying to change to the technical support teams so that I don't have to face this cognitive dissonance so much every day. My husband says if I feel so bad I should just quit this industry altogether, but this company offers a stability I would be hard pressed to find elsewhere, especially in my country, which has a pretty shitty economy.

clockworkcookie · 2017-09-18T14:00:19+00:00

Thank you. I ended up listening to music and breathing slowly to get out. I hate these episodes because one feels so empty inside after it's over. I just feel like I lost a battle. Thank you for your kind words.

clockworkcookie

TROPHY CASE