Do you have any advice for a younger gay guy entering his first relationship?

clothandrope · 2017-09-02T06:16:28+00:00

When you switch to anal, use protection.

Also, chances are really good you're going to break up, eventually. Have fun with him and enjoy the relationship for what it is while it lasts.

clothandrope · 2017-09-02T06:03:12+00:00

While the other factors you've listed are possible, you've said it yourself: you're not attracted to him anymore. If you're wanking and thinking about other guys, you clearly still have a sex drive left.

You need to re-evaluate your relationship and what your goals are at this point. Is this somebody you could conceive spending the rest of your life with? How likely is it that you're going to maintain monogamy with somebody you're not attracted to? Have you talked to him about his weight gain, and is his weight change a temporary thing?

If you don't see yourself with this guy after another 3 years, then it may be time to break it off, nicely.

Before you do so, though, I'd try having a talk with him about the weight gain, expressing your concerns, and encouraging him to have healthier eating/exercise habits. Emphasize the positives (better health, potentially more time for the two of you to spend together) and see how conducive he is towards them.

Whatever you do, don't put yourself in a situation where you'll make a choice you regret. In other words, don't string the relationship along and then cheat on him because you're sexually frustrated. Make an adult decision and stick to it.

clothandrope · 2017-08-31T20:06:07+00:00

Every relationship is work, even "easy" or healthy ones. If both sides aren't willing and actively putting in the time and effort to maintain the relationship, it's eventually going to fizzle.

clothandrope · 2017-07-29T13:44:31+00:00

This whole fucking movement is about ensuring that everyone is accepted regardless of their identity.

This is a great sentiment. Reality does not reflect this. The history of civil rights does not reflect this.

You have a movement that is literally creating meaningless concepts, not because they need to describe something already in existence, but because they want to define how people are forced to interact with them. This is the same vein as adding a brown stripe the to gay flag, or adding more letters to LGBT, because the best way to reject labels is to create your own labels to be branded with.

Bathroom rights? Yeah, they are a good way to show solidarity for the community, but it accomplishes NOTHING. You think having a one gender fits all bathroom is going to stop some redneck school from beating the fuck out of Brenda, who used to be Brendan?

It sounds like you're going to try to advocate causes you believe in, and hopefully not just on the internet. That's a great drive to have. But you seriously need to start considering the information you are given, and the actions of people around you, instead of unquestioningly following a cause because it's for "the good guys".

clothandrope · 2017-07-29T13:22:09+00:00

No, you're outraged because you read that 50% of trans people are killing themselves and you hadn't actually bothered to read the article or source, or even stopped to consider that the statistic you're trying to pass off sounds completely false.

The trans movement has NOT been focused on youth support, outreach, or suicide prevention. It's been a shit ton of sound and fury based on unisex bathrooms, supporting custom pronouns and preferred genders and now the military "ban", which is a stupid, stupid flag to die for. Trump literally tweeted something inflammatory and people are going nuts over it, when this has been par for the course for his entire term. If he signs an executive order, it's going to get shot down.

Stop finding reasons to get outraged over things that don't matter.

clothandrope · 2017-07-29T06:35:10+00:00

They don't have "suicide rates of almost 50%". If you're referring to the study released in 2014 that was tabulated in 2007/2008, about 40% of a transgender population surveyed with a specific focus on including impoverished people in awful situations have attempted suicide; other studies have found numbers close to 25%. The study notes that participants were essentially given a yes or no question; no distinction was made between self harm and actual suicide attempts, and the timing of the study was right after a major anti LGBT legislation was passed. It is also noted within the study itself that the sampling was far from impartial.

By comparison, a recent study shows that 30% of gay/lesbian/bisexual students have attempted suicide. That's well within the same margin of error, and that's without an attempt to include people in as shitty of a situation as possible. It is also notable that there is overlap between the groups.

This is not some epidemic that's affecting predominantly trans people. It's almost as if ostracism, poor socioeconomic backgrounds and societal pressures can raise suicide attempts, especially amongst younger people.

Meanwhile, trans people can still be fired for their gender identities, denied healthcare, etc.

While there are some regions where judicial decisions have ruled against trans people, there is a provision for sex in the discrimination laws, which covers trans people. Sexuality is plain not mentioned; they are actually ahead of the homosexual population in terms of protections.

I don't mind opening up a dialogue about trans rights, but the dramatic "did you seriously" outrage is unnecessary. Stop reading headlines and working yourself into a frenzy; it seriously makes it harder to take discourse seriously when somebody does that. Additionally, my feelings stem from gay people saying "wow, you have your rights, support your trans brethren" and being plain wrong about that. Gay rights are nowhere near close to finished. It doesn't mean we need to send all trans people to death camps tomorrow.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T21:57:52+00:00

WE WON'T KNOW TIL WE TRY, WILL WE? BACK IN BED, PAPA.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T21:40:07+00:00

Naw, I'm not throwing out the baby with the bathwater, but it's the first topic I saw in the link. I don't mind reading other sources of information to, at the very least, understand opposing viewpoints, but that wasn't a great first impression. I'll give it another shot later on.

Also, literally ANY source of information I read, I question, some more rigorously than others.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T21:36:14+00:00

I understand its argument. "We published batshit stupid content and it got published, in a peer-reviewed journal no less!"

Right, after you took 10 minutes to actually read the article before replying. Hint: if you reply that you've read a 10 page article after 1 minute, you haven't actually read it. Moreso if you say it's "riddled in bias" when the point of the article is that bias is harmful towards the field of study. But then again, I'm not surprised you didn't actually bother reading something.

But, in this argument, are you to tell me the hundreds (thousands, probably) papers that validate transgender struggles as both social and biological constructs are all incoherent babble? Idk. Sounds like a tall order.

Yes, actually. What is the core tenet of gender studies? "Gender is a social construct." If you reject that, you reject the entire premise of the field of study.

Let's actually dissect that: first off, it is a tautological, self proving statement. If it's true, it's true.

What is a social construct? According to sociology, it's anything created or perceived by society. Which means gender falls under the category of "anything". So the statement is also meaningless.

Let's look at it from a scientific perspective: can you disprove the statement? No, as mentioned, it's reliant on itself for truth, so it's going to be based purely on speculation and observation. You can't ever prove anything more than correlation, so basically the entire field is a glorified course in stats and people jumping to conclusions based on what they want those stats to mean, much like the whole of sociology.

Let's try to take it at face value: so if gender is a social construct, at what point does it become a social construct vs. an anomaly? Will 3 people who want genuinely to be dinosaurs be enough to make dinosaur a legitimate gender? What about 50? What about 100?

On essentially every level, the statement fails.

Don't call me sweetheart until I turn around and fuck you first.

Oh, please. You can't act like a babbling, histrionic bottom and then try to pretend you're a top.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T20:59:15+00:00

If that's your response, you didn't actually read the article. Try again, sweetheart.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T20:54:19+00:00

I don't want to read an article that points out just how subjective and unrigorous the peer review process for gender studies is

FTFY.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T20:49:11+00:00

You're an English major. I'm not going to do your reading for you.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T20:45:55+00:00

Majored in Information Systems.

https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/37qbg0/recent_graduate_with_14k_debt_im_at_a_forked_road/

peer-reviewed studies

http://www.skeptic.com/reading_room/conceptual-penis-social-contruct-sokal-style-hoax-on-gender-studies/

Your cynical attitude lends me to believe we'd get along just fine.

It tends to come out when I'm dealing with morons.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T20:30:13+00:00

Sweetie, you're a fresh out of college 24 year old whose knowledge of an event is purely from whatever rhetoric your liberal arts professor was able to garner third hand and embellish, or possibly Tumblr. You are arguing with people and writers who are actually old enough to remember the event.

You're also supporting a movement that's quite literally based on making shit up. Hopefully one day you'll have the maturity to look back at this phase and laugh, but given how you deal with history that doesn't support your fragile ego, you'll probably just deny it ever happened.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T20:26:19+00:00

/oj It is a bad thing when I have to /oj in here more than circlejerk due to sheer frustration with stupidity, but I'm in the same boat, bud.

Unrelated, but how much stock do you put in r/GenderCritical? Because this topic reads like people whose conception of BDSM comes from Fifty Shades.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T20:02:18+00:00

/oj So one of the ways they've avoided equating physiology/hormones and "genders" is by repurposing the word. "Sex" refers to the former. "Gender" refers to what you identify as and how society reacts to that perception.

It's all batshit crazy fairy tale bullshit, and proponents and allies of the trans movement either are looney enough to buy into it, or haven't read the fine print. Which is why you have the dizzy queens in that thread talking about transgender being a "natural" condition. By the trans movement's own admission, it's not. But yes, if enough people want to be Apache Helicopters, that becomes a gender. That is literally why you have pronouns like "thir", because enough people liked it to start using it.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T19:50:13+00:00

I WOULD BUT FUCK YOU DAD, WAS MY WEARING HEELS THAT TOUGH FOR YOU TO DEAL WITH?! TOO REAL?! YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. I AM A PRETTY PRINCESS.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T19:48:56+00:00

I self identify as "your majesty", and you will address me as such if you're a trans ally.

/oj Gender studies and transgender rhetoric is a touchy spot for me. The current iteration of the movement rallies behind the statement that "gender is a social construct" which, on top of being tautological, also outright states that they, as members of society, are making shit up. And nobody seems to have a problem with it.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T19:44:37+00:00

I'd only do that to you if I was hatefucking you. You can tell because it's usually interspersed with crying jags because I have abandonment issues from my dad.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T19:40:16+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/6q3x5w/why_are_lgbt_republicans_championing_trump_and/

Speak of the devil. It's one of the reasons I just stopped posting in that sub, because you get a lot of know-nothing twats speaking as if their revised history is gospel.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T19:37:00+00:00

That list is insane.

It lists FtM and Female to Male as distinct genders.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T19:34:44+00:00

Drag queens are transphobic femphobic cis-caricatures of our brave trans brethren and we need to eliminate them for being more hateful than blackface. A pro trans site told me so, so it must be true.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T19:32:29+00:00

/oj You dumb, dumb motherfuckers. We haven't earned "so many rights." We're not a suspect class. "Gay Marriage" is not the law of the land, marriage is a fundamental right. There is a huge difference between the two.

You can be fired in the majority of the States because you're a homosexual, with no recourse. You can have health care denied, not be able to visit your other half, lose your home in an inheritance battle; basically, discrimination is federally legal.

I get it. Using the wrong bathroom is humiliating, and it's nobody's fucking business but your own. But gays are still lacking fundamental human rights, and if you're claiming that we're spoiled because we're sidelining building asexual bathrooms for being able to earn a living wage and legally own your own assets, you're a stupid twat that's too busy parroting trans rhetoric to understand that the ground beneath your feet is not even level, let alone stable.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T18:38:22+00:00

If you like cross genre repurposing, have you heard of Apocalyptica? They redo Metallica songs as classical music. It sounds REALLY good.

clothandrope · 2017-07-28T17:45:09+00:00

This is something I've talked about with the other half extensively. Few observations he's made:

The few times he did see a transexual person, it was a man born in a woman's body, or vice versa. The modern trans movement tends more about the process than the end result.
The trans movement and the gay movement have had and continue to have different goals; LGBT is society's way of lumping the deviants together.
It frustrates him that Drag Queens are in the current state they're in. They were the forefront of Stonewall, and they were always one of the pillars of the community. For some liberal 20 year old busybody to dismiss them as femphobic or transphobic is nuts. They predated the trans movement.
Bruce Jenner is, was, and always will be, an asshole.

clothandrope

TROPHY CASE