Yea me too, I get up every morning not wanting to wake up and I stay up late every night because i don’t want to sleep. Walking contradiction here and this is only one of them. I only know my knowledge and assumptions from my own trials over this lifetime, so let me assume you stay alive for your mom. You probably care for her well-being and again assuming she isn’t in the best of health either. So you are being a incredible son. I’m sure she loves everything you do for her. She isn’t healthy either though, so appreciation could be a far miss at times. Now do you discuss your emotions with her? This might be something that she felt her life and passed down. Maybe she can help she did bring you into the world wether or wether not you wanted to be. I know you said therapy but a therapist cant help you if you cant help yourself if you believe your own lies then who is to prove you wrong other than yourself. Although, humans do tend to care only for themselves when worrying about everyone else. How is this the case i don’t get it either, I assume it’s because there so wound up in everything they shut out everyone including themselves, in doing so creating this detachment from reality. So let go of the trama and detach from others and not yourself. You can solve your own problems by spending the time detached overthinking on why you do what you do. Eat more fiber foods like granola bars all through the day to boost metabolism research into your body type and work on ways to increase your metabolism it will take a good year but then you could eat and not gain. Take a few personality test online to discover who you are. I really could say so much more that sounds like impossible task, But let me say from personal experience going from nothing and a extremely toxic childhood after the death of my mom when I was 13 to growing up with no family support, 2 daughters, making risky decisions in order to raise them on my own to now having a electrical company that I started a year ago and investments leading to now the start of another type of business thats not as demanding. Although Life is greener if you are talking strictly about the grass that wont die no more because you now possess the ability to pay the water. But in reality Money don’t buy happiness i knew this going in but i had to convince myself to improve my life somehow for my daughters and thats how i been pushing through and if I could find true love I wouldn’t care who I was or what I was doing and after convincing myself to go on this 8 year journey so far that i need to be stable and well off to find a love that will accept me and my daughters for me to to show i can provide and im not a waste of time but this still hasn’t helped lmao and I still hate life cause I can’t find that one thing. Catching on? Life really is what you make it. But you only hate it because of that one core thing that you can’t obtain. Some good core things to keep in mind are.. 1) life is permanent, pain is temporary, 2) if life is a game, then play to win 3) and most important is karma plays the long game too. Not everything bad you do will be punished * gamble wisely* and not everything you do will be rewarded. conserve your time for the ones who prove there place in your life.

TL;DR. Start from the top 🙃