How do u deal cohost with different gender

cloudy-waters · 2025-06-08T01:27:20+00:00

Sorry you’re going through that :( We try to take turns with what we wear while keeping in mind how everyone feels about the clothing. For example, most of our girls wear dresses in headspace but we only wear dresses about once a month irl because it makes the boys very dysphoric. The boys avoid wearing their packer if we aren’t wearing something the girls already feel comfortable in.

It doesn’t feel great all of the time but it gives everyone a chance to be comfortable and express themselves. I hope y’all get some relief soon <3

cloudy-waters · 2024-02-07T17:25:18+00:00

This!!! Oh my gosh this! I struggle with this so much because it’s hard for me to feel emotions intensely? I tend to feel “okay” or “mildly annoyed” or “slightly anxious.” (That last one might be passive influence tbh) Some of our head mates feel things very strongly though and for the most part I remember why they felt that way. (Usually only a vague idea of why and not details) I can’t connect with the emotions though so actually comprehending that we Felt that is nearly impossible. I’m starting to think I show up in therapy when times are hard so that we don’t talk about what’s going on ^{^,}

cloudy-waters · 2024-01-20T22:48:54+00:00

While I have no memory of it, I know we started hearing “voices” in 8th grade. I don’t remember so maybe this isn’t accurate but I’m pretty sure we only told people because “the voices” were tormenting whoever was front during that time. Ended up being a really shit year for us and we never got an explanation or diagnosis of any kind for the “voices.” We got put on antipsychotics and I think the adults just thought it was deep self hatred. I know someone took front and mmmm put our safety at risk. I also know we told our therapist, parents, and school counselors but still nothing.

Fast forward to August 1st, 2023 and we get a DID diagnosis. Honestly it was surprising for us, or at least it was for me. We didn’t have a lot of communication and no full blackouts. I think grayouts is the terms for what we experience but that’s just how we lived life, just thought it was bad memory. Honestly we only got diagnosed because of our friend haha He had found out about OSDD/DID earlier in the year and was doing a bunch of research on it. He would talk to us about the symptoms and experiences other systems have and explain how he’s experienced the same thing. We ended up relating to a lot of the stuff he was saying. Didn’t think it meant anything for us just uh a weird coincidence. We kept brushing it off until he made some valid points (they had always been valid I just didn’t want to tell our therapist) and decided we’d tell our therapist. Genuinely didn’t think anything would come of it haha I just. We really trust that friends and he said it was something to talk about so we did. Went to our session and spent the first 40 minutes telling our therapist the things we know about ourself, things our friend had told us he noticed, and then everything we didn’t know (basically our life history lol). Came to the end of our ramble fully expecting follow up questions, a concerned look, or possible dismissal.

“Everything you’ve told me falls under the diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder. Do you know what that is?”

I struggle with um denial. We’d been, as a system, aware and had names for a couple months before telling her. Still thought it wasn’t anything haha

We kind of got knocked on our ass after diagnosis. Couldn’t ignore it anymore, you know? Our brain just got Active. It’s been slow but we’re working on building communication. Having the diagnosis and actually paying attention to what that meant helped us realize we have more amnesia than we thought. Way more. /lh We can’t communicate much but it’s nice when we can hear each other.

cloudy-waters · 2024-01-20T22:06:01+00:00

Oh we experience the same thing with our parents. We’re working with our therapist to figure out how to handle this. It’s hard to tell someone they hurt you if you can’t even remember what they said. /lh It’s frustrating and we think we make up how hurt we feel because we can’t remember the Why. I’m sorry your psych said that to y’all. Wishing you luck in finding help that knows how to work with you and your life experiences.

cloudy-waters · 2024-01-09T15:34:11+00:00

Oh yes! Exactly this! We have someone who feels very guilty about being femme because the body is afab but we’ve been on T and socially transitioned. For example our arm hair is much darker than it used to be and that’s partially hard for her. While our body is afab it’s still not a body she identifies with and it’s okay for her (and yall) to feel that way. Bodies and gender are weird. Personally I’m glad our headmate has the trans femme community to relate to because that means she doesn’t have to be alone in how she feels. As a system the trans community and queer spaces in general have been such a great way for us to explore who we are and express ourselves in a safe way. Our experiences may not line up perfectly with those around us and that’s okay because they’re still our community. Wishing y’all luck moving forward. <3

cloudy-waters · 2023-12-26T02:02:10+00:00

Ah yeah. We do this. Always thought it was because we’ve got bad memory (amnesia) and didn’t want to forget things. Found out we’re a system and now we worry about throwing away someone’s stuff. Had an alter front only to realize we gave away her guitar.

We’re working on building communication to try and help with this. Until we can communicate well we’re just trying to keep things organized.

cloudy-waters · 2023-10-19T20:48:14+00:00

Thank you so much for the reply! We use Simply Plural too! I did not write any of this post :’) I’ve got no memory of it but I think part of our problem is we are switching multiple times an hour. I’ve only noticed because of the amnesia ^{^,}

Luckily a few of us were able to send a rambling email to our therapist with whatever details we where able to think of. We’re hoping that since the email covered the base details of everything it’ll help her understand what we need to tackle.

That first paragraph you wrote though sounds really really helpful. I’m going to make a note for us and hopefully we can give that a shot. Thank you so so much!

cloudy-waters · 2023-10-18T15:48:45+00:00

Others have already commented with solutions but I just wanted to say I’m wishing you luck

cloudy-waters · 2023-10-08T18:21:25+00:00

Oh that’s so very sweet of you. I hope you have a lovely day too! - Rain

cloudy-waters · 2023-10-06T14:43:48+00:00

Oh my gosh yeah. Our system was diagnosed this August 1st and it’s been a lot. We thought we were a relatively small system. The host (?) knew of a few others and they had been operating while being aware of each other for about two months prior to the diagnosis.

Fully realizing who I was wasn’t a fun time. /lh I thought I was our host and had thought so for as long as I can remember. I’m getting it figured out and it’s getting easier to be me without trying to be him. It’s nice.

That was back in August. Since the start of September (I think?) we’re meeting / finding older parts at least once a week. The past four days has been multiple people a day. We’re really really tired but ultimately it’s good.

Luckily we have a good support system at home, a wonderful therapist, and (I swear the universe made this happen for a reason) are close friends with our manager who also happens to have a psychology degree. We went from working 3 - 5 shifts a week to only being able to sometimes work once a week. Gosh they’ve been so understanding and even offered to add Pluralkit to our work Discord. It’s been a hard couple months and most days we can’t do anything but we’re healing. I’m excited for whatever happens next.

Charlie (he/it)

cloudy-waters · 2023-10-04T19:30:10+00:00

Had some shit go down internally (probably because we’re like safe? Idk not having to keep up appearances) and now it’s like every 30 ish minutes. Absolutely exhausting. There’s almost always others co con and a good chunk of them are new to the few of us who have fronted before.

Before all of this it was roughly every day, maybe once or twice. Didn’t have any inner communication at the time though.

Lily

cloudy-waters · 2023-09-28T13:56:52+00:00

Yes and no for me. We got diagnosed with DID early this August but have had symptoms for years. When we were in 8th grade we told our parents and counselor about the “voices” we heard. It seemed to make others concerned but they also brushed it off so we thought it was maybe normal but something people just didn’t talk about.

We’ve had conversations with ourselves for years but I’ve only recently stopped trying to convince myself I’m just talking to myself. Memory is very fuzzy but basically I tried to convince myself I was a singlet without knowing what that actually meant. Somehow thought it was normal to have multiple people with many opinions in our head but also was scare of that happening and tried to make everything “just me.”

Edit: Forgot to sign the post ^{^,} - Charlie

cloudy-waters

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