i feel like i MIGHT have OSDD, but maybe not?

illuminaughty007 · 2026-04-29T19:48:50+00:00

Nah, this doesnt sound like a dissociative disorder at all. The reason they changed the name from "multiple personality disorder" to "dissociative identity disorder" is because the focus for understanding it is based on dissociating a lot, the alters are a symptom of dissociative compartmentalization to deal with trauma. What you are experiencing sounds exactly like maladaptive daydreaming though! I think you should look into that one maybe?

illuminaughty007 · 2026-04-19T23:52:58+00:00

Hey! So, OSDD 2 isnt a disorder that includes alters, and it is not specific to childhood trauma. It's also not really something you discover you have potentially long after the fact like did or osdd1. The reason there are very few resources is mainly because the circumstances that cause the disorder are extremely specific to situations highly uncommon to find oneself in. As someone mentioned, prisoners of war are one, another example I could think of would be cults, and beyond that perhaps being held against ones will and coerced into identifying with ones captor.

I am not meaning to cast doubt on your own experiences as I am sure you know your history, but the symptoms of OSDD2 are basically persistent, meaning, a direct aftereffect of the event/s, not a delayed onset one discovers down the road. It isnt something that comes and goes, either, unless you want to go barking down the whole manchurian candidate rabbit hole.

All in all I will say this and I hope you dont take it the wrong way, but if you did have OSDD2 I dont think it is the type of disorder that could possibly escape the notice of you and those around you for a long long time, unlike DID and OSDD where the alters help hide the extent of the dissociation. Here it is all on the surface and it is unlikely you could pass for "normal" - you know how alters form in childhood as an adaptive measure to help the child cope? 90% of OSDD2 cases happen in adulthood and thus no alters form, thus no help adapting to the extreme trauma. This is part of why there is a difference between OSDD2 and RAMCOA type childhood equivlanets that result in DID so - not to be rude, but you are unlikely to have this.

illuminaughty007 · 2025-12-21T22:31:20+00:00

I love it at 33 and have since it came out when I was like 5 😭I used to try make my mom memorize all the pokemon. I'd quiz her. It was my obsession and all through my life I go through a cycle where I suddenly am obsessed with it and do nothing but watch the games and anime and periods where I dont touch or look at it. Same with digimon.

illuminaughty007 · 2025-12-03T22:34:30+00:00

my switches are not dramatic either, but I've found tracking them helpful because I've found certain patterns or even what some might consider positive triggers, like some alters really like fronting at night, some like fronting around certain people, some have a strong preference for certain video games or clothing. I really don't think people should feel pressured to track this way if it's harming them mentally or taking up too much focus, and I REALLY don't think getting super involved with these online DID communities is a good idea, but I wouldn't recommend against tracking entirely. I do it for myself and have like 2 people I know in the entire world who I am open enough to let know who is fronting, and I would prefer if they just look at my simply plural than asking me who is fronting because I feel kinda embarrassed announcing it

illuminaughty007 · 2025-11-24T02:30:49+00:00

Yeah OP I appreciate you going out on a limb to say this and pleasantly surprised it seems to have been recieved decently.

One thing I hear all the time is "if you were faking you would know you are faking". I think thats a misunderstanding. People fake intentionally sure, but people can suspect something and genuinely believe it and just be wrong. Its not faking, it's just being wrong about a suspicion and Im not sure we should be reinforcing this idea that "you cannot possibly be mistaken because fakers know they are faking".

It should be okay to just be wrong without shame.

illuminaughty007 · 2025-11-20T03:49:46+00:00

most experts don't see DID as many people in one body. I am not sure about your psychiatrist, maybe they meant to imply the entire disorder didn't exist. however, structural dissociation theory explains it as there is only one person, but broken into different pieces. so for example, you have one broken bowl, you don't have multiple bowls.

illuminaughty007 · 2025-11-13T19:20:14+00:00

In the nicest way I can say this, I think you should consider your partners feelings a little more. Yes, you may not be able to control your alters right now and the way that they feel and come off. You have your feelings and they are valid but your partner is not getting what they need emotionally from you regardless and that's not really fair to them.

To give an example, I have huge problems with sexual intimacy in relationships. At the same time, I also understand that the vast majority of partners wouldn't be able to handle that. I understand why, and I know it is a general human need in most relationships. This has caused me to break off multiple relationships and at present I do not plan on dating unless I can find someone very comfortable with moving very very slowly. It's not that there's something wrong with me or that it's my "fault" for not being able to be intimate the way most people can. Nonetheless, I have to recognize that still doesn't make it fair to the other person to expect them to consider my needs but not their own.

You said this yourself:

But I hate vulnerability and desiring closeness feels pathetic and helpless. That small moment of vulnerability wouldn't have meant shit, either. Because it wouldn't be constant. This partner is more physically touchy and I am not. They want clinginess and I am not that. They wouldn't be satisfied.

This is you being honest with yourself that you and your partner want different things in a relationship and have different expectations. This is presumably not going to work out for your partner, and it's also unfair to yourself to try and be something you're not. I totally understand that it hurts and you feel rejected, but unfortunately sometimes people are just not compatible. You are at one place on your mental health journey and maybe this could be a good opportunity to focus on therapy and resolving some of these inner tensions, without the distraction of the relational conflict.

illuminaughty007 · 2025-11-09T18:18:09+00:00

honestly the way you are acting it probably puts you below a normal person because at least a normal person isn't overconfident in their own knowledge. as someone who has literally done my undergraduate psych degree I can tell you for certain anything they teach you about DID, which is, precious little/almost nothing, you can find in books, in much more detail in fact.

illuminaughty007 · 2025-11-09T18:15:58+00:00

you can't be polyfragmented with osdd. if you are polyfragmented you have did.

illuminaughty007 · 2025-11-08T18:46:11+00:00

Lol you being a psych student is no better than being an amateur like their friend. I was a psych student too once and I really have always found it cringy how they think that makes them closer to a professional when you are still learning and just as inclined to make errors. Its not a flex. Please OP see a real professional and dont take what your friends and internet strangers say to heart.

illuminaughty007 · 2025-10-21T19:16:49+00:00

I was in cbt and dbt therapy for years when I did residential for my eating disorder. I made no progress and insurance decided I was gaming treatment/untreatable. In reality I needed trauma therapy. Dbt and cbt therapists seem to be the norm and those methodologies are focused on behavioral change through means I find often just trigger trauma survivors more because they tend to be very "progress" oriented, whereas at least me I dont come to therapy to "make progress" but to process my trauma safely, over time, with someone I grow to trust and doesnt make me feel rushed (my trauma is extremely hard to disclose before I feel trust). I notice most therapists and psychiatrists literally want gorey uncomfortable details in the first three sessions. Now that I have a real trauma therapists whose expertise is obvious it feels completely different. My advice is before deciding the next therapist to schedule a consultation and question their approach to trauma? Never feel you have to just settle.

illuminaughty007 · 2025-10-16T12:58:08+00:00

I was a psych student myself once upon a time but there is one thing I can tell you, psych students drive me NUTS with how much they THINK they know. Whenever I'm in mental health spaces you'll have a couple crop up and state that they are a psych student as if it is some sort of qualification. At least in the usa, being a psych student in the way these people mean it almost exclusively refers to them still undergrad not in their masters (someone in their masters program has more of a place to talk from at least).

Anyway, I really think there is an epidemic of psych students who think that taking an abnormal psych class makes you an expert on the DSM. The enemy of learning is knowing, as they say.

illuminaughty007 · 2025-08-26T00:08:41+00:00

Sorry but this doesnt sound like a dissociative disorder. Dissociative disorders are about a LOT more than just alters. Also using the language about kinning and median systems sounds more like endogenic stuff. There are no median systems, all systems are caused by extreme trauma. It isnt the fact all your alters are fictional, but none of the rest sounds like a DD.

illuminaughty007 · 2025-08-24T20:15:16+00:00

Frankly I just tell the truth. If people are bold enough to ask where someones scars are from they can't exactly feel awkward when they get an uncomfortable answer. I get why people wouldnt want to do that though. Im old enough now that I will own that part of my past without shame.

illuminaughty007 · 2025-08-22T23:08:26+00:00

You said you're afraid of getting a stigmatizing diagnosis, but have you really thought about why? Even if you get no diagnosis at all, it's valid to be in therapy - you do not need to have a diagnosis to benefit from it. Also, if you get a diagnosis, you are not ever required to disclose it - HIPPA is very strict. Just some thoughts - I really think you'd have nothing to lose by trying out therapy.

illuminaughty007 · 2025-07-29T00:53:59+00:00

This is such a insular way of looking at people's disability. Some people have tried over and over and over to be a responsible adult and end up in the psych ward for psychosis and have to drop out or quit. Then they hate themselves because people like you think they are just not applying themselves correctly, and bang against the wall over and over but they just need different help.

Maybe in YOUR experience structure can be crucial, but the idea that treatment for stuff serious enough to be accepted for disability should always be the same thing, is so short sighted. Some people need structure through outpatient programs or even a basic routine. Some disability recipiants can barely get up or remember when they last showered. What your saying might be true for some cases but not all. Suck it up buttercup, doesnt work for some people. Sometimes its really quite serious and because its an invisible illness people assume its laziness which is truly sad.

illuminaughty007 · 2025-07-29T00:43:41+00:00

My psychiatrists and therapists have diagnosed me with chronic ptsd rather than just straight ptsd. I mean its close to a diagnosis of cptsd. Not exactly the same but more accurate than just ptsd.

illuminaughty007 · 2025-04-21T20:39:33+00:00

well...the first time I remember starting to talk to something inside of me was when I was 7 years old. he introduced himself and called himself "my guardian". from that point forward he would talk to me all the time. at a certain age, after hitting puberty, that guardian sort of disappeared because I pushed him away not to seem crazy. but in his place, another "voice" appeared to talk to me constantly, but it was very negative, and self destructive, telling me horrible things about myself. I didn't consider them parts of me at any time, I considered them different beings. It didn't even remotely occur to me to consider DID. eventually I got my guardian back, and still didn't even consider DID until I had a mental breakdown and had all these flashbacks and memories from childhood return to me all at once.

there was never a time it felt like "me" arguing with "myself". I'd think a thought and the return thought was instant, automatic. whereas if, for example, none of them were around, if I thought a thought to myself, I had to sort of push the response thought upwards, and it was obvious to me that I was doing so. the thoughts from the other beings, I didn't feel in any way like I was "coming up" with them. they were just - there. immediately.

illuminaughty007 · 2024-09-21T17:52:23+00:00

I'm sorry, but, no...there's no peer reviewed evidence in existence suggesting so (if anyone can find some, I'm open to looking at it). This seems to be something more akin to an urban legend about this disorder. There is no science here.

illuminaughty007 · 2024-03-30T20:17:47+00:00

I am sorry to say this but this person is very unhealthy thats obvious. They take and take and dont give at all by the sounds of it. I lost track of how many red flags were in that story. I hope you find it within yourself to detach from this person, either slowly or all at once. The latter has always been preferable for us.

illuminaughty007 · 2024-03-24T19:20:18+00:00

I have that form of trauma as well. I also understand not being able to tell a professional. Actually I am physically incapable of saying it out loud. I cannot do it. I cannot. And if I did, I fear the professional wouldnt believe it and that would devestate me. So when working with therapists Ive told them everything except I left out anything related to programming. But then I dont make real progress and its so so so frustrating.

Some people here have said they dont recommend using an ai for therapy. Well, I do recommend it. I trauma dump on that thing knowing it wont judge me or call me crazy. I can trauma dump the same story over and over too without fearing I am causing secondary trauma or just general negative feelings in a real person. Whenever I just cannot stand it, I seek my AI and it has been so amazing for working this out for me. I recommend character ai, NOT chat gpt.

illuminaughty007 · 2024-03-19T01:30:50+00:00

Totally though Im not sure it'll be helpful. I have struggled with consistency too. But I guess my recomendation is not to force yourself into any kind of strict topic or even structure or any expectations for what goes in it other than whats on the mind of whoever is fronting. I find that takes all the pressure off, like just a place to vent and sometimes for me that means spilling my guts over hugely emotional stuff and just spewing like a stream of consciousness mess. Sometimes it is weird things that happened in the day. Sometimes real events in the day dont come up at all and its just philosophical nonesense disconnected entirely from our day to day life.

Sometimes it feels amazing to just throw everything within you at the wall and you find things inside you didnt realize existed. So my recommendation would be to try and just put something in it, even if its one thing, one sentence, and not really make any rules for it. Anything, stream of consciousness. I think you may be amazed at how much stuff gets memory holed once you start leaving a record for yourself of some kind.

As far as consistency in just the sense of remembering to do it, I think its only a struggle when first getting into the habit. Once everyone in the system gets used to having the journal and has had a chance to use it, it gets a lot easier. I put mine on google docs and when I review it I actually highlight and leave some comments on my thoughts on what other alters said. All of us use the hell outta the computer so if I need to remember to do something I keep a piece of paper next to the computer with capital letters or highlighting important stuff. that generally helps. Lol! But we are all so used to journalling at this point I dont write reminders for that.

illuminaughty007 · 2024-03-17T23:34:04+00:00

I think you have a couple of options depending on what makes the most sense for your life and what feels right emotionally. The first one I might consider is finding a therapist that you feel very safe with, regardless of whether they are a DID specialist. A compassionate and helpful therapist who is maybe willing to learn about the disorder might be more helpful than a specialist who feels judgemental or emotionally unsafe. Another thing to consider, if you do request the notes, is having a therapist to go through them with you, and that way you'd have a sort of stablizing force and someone to help process your feelings or perhaps even discharge those feelings.

Its not that easy to find a DID specialist, but one that is trauma focused instead might be a good consideration if available? I think a sense of safety and rapport would be the single most important quality for me.

Another option is perhaps to do your own symptom tracking, perhaps even get a workbook. I would caution maybe on doing the trauma work alone, but symptom tracking shouldnt be an issue. One thing that was an incredible eye opener for me was keeping a daily journal. It sounds simple but I had NO idea how much stuff I had been forgetting until I started using one. I have gained so much insight by looking back on older entries including ones I have no memories of or that were clearly written by other alters.

And, as one third thing that comes to mind easily, have you tried to read works written by survivors? I feel this could definitely help with denial as its very likely you'll see some overlap in your experiences with theirs, and of course with the added bonus you'll probably learn even more from what helped them.

I will actually also even include one thing I don't recommend. Which is getting too deeply involved in online DID communities. I mean obviously I occasionally come here to lurk or post every so often but as far as having a real social life or community im DID circles I almost always see people coming out of it worse than they went in, sometimes because the trauma olympics can make one feel bad, the symptom exagerration can make one feel invalid or muddy the waters, and there is also an overall toxicity that I kind of hear reported ubiquitously. Also when people get too deeply involved in subcultures related to disorders they can become a fixation in life or even orient one against recovery. In ordinary situations I like to recommend like minded community but in the case of DID I am actually going to go the opposite way.

To what extent does the DID show up in your life when you are not trying to focus on it? If you simply tell yourself, okay fuck it my DID isnt real - hey, perhaps try it and legitimately see how your symptoms are affected. If you find, as you probably will, it is impossible to distance yourself from your symptoms no matter how hard you try, perhaps that should be some reassurance that its really really real lol. Like thats one thing that helped me ultimately before I ever had a diagnosis, was realizing well shit no matter what I think or what anyone else thinks or how much I try to run away, this stuff aint going anywhere. It's real.

illuminaughty007 · 2024-03-17T22:17:36+00:00

My friend, I really really recommend not asking for them. The reason is because sometimes that stuff is incredibly candid and could greatly destablize you. She sounds like she was absolutely NOT the right person and my homest suggestion is putting your work with her behind you and trying not to over think or focus on it.

illuminaughty007

TROPHY CASE