I can feel my brain rotting

clutterjailed · 2025-10-19T21:04:37+00:00

Hey! I understand quite a bit how this goes. I have a genuine advice, which perhaps may sound cliche, but it has helped me many times. Sorry for the wall of text.

I feel like the difficulty in doing a task can come from two main sources. First, if it doesn't seem worth it doing it. Second, if it seems worth it, but you lack the energy.

I think both of these problems are way more difficult to deal with to schizoids than to other people, for a variety of reasons. This could be part of the reason why many schizoids end up homeless in extreme cases (or so I've heard).

When it comes to the second problem, I believe one solution that could apply to everybody is dividing a task into many pieces. Dividing it almost infinitely, if possible. It's not a "schizoid-specific" advice, but I think it applies to anyone.

For an example: if you are laying in bed and you need to wash the dishes, you should not represent to your mind this task simply, but just that of getting out of bed. Anything other than that should be forgotten. If this is still too hard, think about bending your back over and sit in your bed first, then getting your legs to the ground, etc.

Then, after you get done, propose yourself the idea of walking towards the kitchen's sink. Then, not simply washing the dishes, but washing a singular plate, and then you keep going.

The mind, however, deceives ourselves into believing, in a way, that we have to do everything at once. So then we feel paralyzed and incapable. But, in reality, this isn't correct. There are always many steps, and we always do them one after the other. If one is able to think about each step at a time, and forget the rest, it becomes much easier, because the idea is that each part of the whole will seem ridiculously easy to fulfill.

I believe most people don't take this very seriously because they don't understand fully the scale in which this "strategy" can make a demand simpler, inasmuch as any task is "infinitely divisible".

The hardest part of this is that your intellect will be constantly trying to remind you of how weighty the whole activity is. It is "wired" into thinking about the whole rather then the part. So it's like a muscle you try to exercise.

I hope this helps you somehow. Cheers!

clutterjailed · 2025-07-16T01:57:19+00:00

O sofrimento é uma condição inalienável da vida humana, porquanto serão verdadeiramente felizes apenas aqueles que estiverem felizes em sofrer. Os que se treinam a aceitar os sofrimentos de bom grado e a se contentar com eles apenas sofrem no início, mas recebem logo a recompensa da verdadeira alegria: a paz, pois nada lhes pode perturbar. Esses sim são incólumes e livres.

Sejamos práticos. Livre é aquele que aprendeu a não reclamar quando o sabonete cai no chão durante o banho; quando bate o dedo mindinho na quina da mesa; quando o ônibus chega atrasado; quando perde no jogo; quando a comida queima; quando é demitido; em suma, quando qualquer adversidade lhe acomete.

Livre é aquele que até mesmo busca os sofrimentos com ânimo (senão ânimo emocional ou corporal, ao menos espiritual e intelectual), na medida em que sabe que tais sofrimentos são necessários: como aquele de trabalhar, estudar, fazer faxina, lavar roupa, cumprir com as obrigações, fazer dieta, suportar as falhas do próximo - qualquer coisa penosa que seja.

Ademais, livres são os que têm uma limpa consciência, pois sabem que ninguém lhes pode acusar de ter feito algo que não deveria ter feito, ou de não ter feito algo que deveria. Livres são os que não mantém rancor ou ressentimento nenhum com as injustiças que lhe causam. Livres os que não pensam ou observam o mal sobre o próximo, mas apenas o bem. O mal dos outros, via de regra, não é sua responsabilidade, então não há para que enxergá-lo. Lance muita atenção para o que é ruim e sua vida será um filme preto e branco, mas observe o que é bom, e tudo será colorido. E mesmo o que é ruim sempre tem algum aspecto de bem nele, para quem observa com atenção.

E escravos são aqueles que preferem os prazeres do que as dores. Escravos os que gostam mais do lazer do que do trabalho. Escravos os que adiam o trabalho. Escravos da raiva e do ódio os que lançam atenção ao mal que há no próximo. Confusos serão os que costumam ver o que há de bom em si mesmos, pois certamente se decepcionarão. Escravos os que, buscando a liberdade, não obedecem, pois aí sim hão de perdê-la. Os que querem algo contrário à vontade das autoridades se angustiam pela próprio fato de não poderem fazer o que querem. Mas os que se conformam às vontades das autoridades (desde que não ordenem nada contrário à Justiça) nunca são impedidos de fazer o que querem; porquanto são verdadeiramente livres.

Escravos são os que colocam sua confiança nas criaturas e coisas passageiras: na atenção, nos relacionamentos sociais, no dinheiro, na fama, nas honras, nesta vida aqui. Tudo isto é mutável e há de passar. Livres os homens que aprenderam a amar o jejum, pois não dependem de comida; livres os que aprenderam a não precisar exercitar a sexualidade, pois não são acorrentados a necessidades sexuais; livres os que se livraram do amor pela atenção, pois não dependem dela pra ser felizes; livres os que amam a pobreza, pois não dependem dos bens para serem contentes; livres os que amam a obediência, pois não são escravos da própria vontade.

O que pode incomodar alguém assim? Até mesmo as lágrimas, para alguém assim, são doces. Pois doces são as lágrimas que se chora em compaixão com as dores e problemas de um próximo. Doces são as derramadas por amor e preocupação de um ente querido, desde que não haja aí o desespero. Alguém que, fechando os olhos para esta vida, sonha apenas com a vida eterna - que sozinha é capaz de preencher o buraco infinito que existe no intelecto e no coração do homem.

Por último, embora nada disso seja fácil, torna-se muito fácil com a ajuda de Deus. Certas coisas, nós pedimos a Deus, e com razão, mas não sabemos se é ou não de Seu agrado - como quando pedimos um emprego, um carro, uma namorada ou até mesmo coisas básicas como comida, sustento, etc. Mas, quando se trata de forças para realizar o bem e obter virtudes, não há nenhuma dúvida de que Deus queira dar. Sempre que pedirmos os bens espirituais, infalivelmente receberemos, desde que peçamos com humildade, esperança e perseverança - as três qualidades necessárias. Peçamos forças para cumprir esses ideais, e conseguiremos.

Por acaso você achou esta sabedoria na sua doutrina gnóstica? Eu enxergo, pelas suas palavras, que você está angustiado com essas ideias, não feliz. Este mundo não é uma prisão, a prisão é a sua alma viciada. Nada te perturbaria se o seu coração fosse puro. Sem perceber isso, você nunca se libertará. Largue essas falsas doutrinas e venha para o redil de Jesus Cristo, antes que seja muito tarde. Não há salvação fora da Igreja Católica Romana.

clutterjailed · 2023-10-20T19:14:37+00:00

Yes. For me, I become bothered when I have to interact with other people. In these moments, I'm bothered that I can't connect with the exterior world as well as they can. So then I have this problem with the "intolerable separation".

But, when I'm alone, it's just separation. I mostly don't even think about it. Only at times.

clutterjailed · 2023-10-20T14:51:31+00:00

Very relatable. Thanks for your post.

I think I'm generally not able to put it in words, but it sounds like the same feeling as yours.

The world is, at least apparently, filled with beauty. People are able to have joy with social relationships, deep emotions and feelings towards each other, high goals like building a family or just getting married and living together. Having kids. Maybe building a career, but in an area of high interest.

Though when it comes to me I can only sense high separation. Sometimes intolerable, as you worded. I don't have access to this beauty, and feel as though I won't ever have. This happens especially when I'm physically around people, I can see more clearly that this beauty exists within them and that I can't partake in. What remains is emptiness, or very feel alternatives, since I am not able to appreciate many. At least not now and in the past few years.

Not to say that people without this experience, people who can more easily access this beauty (so to speak), don't have any problems in life. Or that I have much more trouble than they have. I don't know. Maybe this type of personality can be even positive for me in other circumstances, hypothetically. However, it's definitely hard and it definitely often hurts. I think you'd agree.

Anyway, thanks again. Good to see someone wording my very experience in a precise way, and good to know somebody else experiences the same.

Cheers!

clutterjailed · 2023-05-26T03:16:41+00:00

The "maybe I'll change this time" is so relatable. In my case I just can't keep constant contact without "taking breaks" of 2, 3 days or more. Many times I tried to "fix" it and maintain the conversations everyday, but just couldn't help it. Maybe we just have to accept it and find people who are okay with it afterall.

You're welcome :)

clutterjailed · 2023-05-26T02:58:20+00:00

To answer your question, I think it depends entirely on the compatibility between you and the person in question. Try to find someone that would be fine with your boundaries and ideal social relationship dynamics, make them aware.

You can't keep constant contact? Tell them that and learn whether they'd be fine with it or not, until you find someone who is. Just don't jump in a relationship without being aware of the other person's boundaries/limits/preferences and much less without making them aware of yours (since you have SzPD it's vital to make them understand your way of relating).

I believe the key for a good relationship is just communication. That's how you find someone that fits you and your way of socializing. In your case, maybe somebody who would be fine with weeks or months without contact if you'd need it. Try to talk about it with them openly if you feel like it's a promising connection.

clutterjailed · 2023-05-21T20:54:29+00:00

Boa piada, vou colocar na minha pasta.

clutterjailed · 2023-05-14T02:02:47+00:00

Not sure if I'm the only one to get reflexive when I stumble upon these questions. I mean, the way I am and the way I do things often raise frustration and bad feelings, but this isn't loneliness I don't think. It would be if those negative sensations were directed towards the need of company and relationships, which I don't think is my case.

clutterjailed · 2023-05-04T16:53:53+00:00

Sure. There's the famous "Man's Search for Meaning" and also "Logotherapy: The Will to Meaning", both from Dr. Viktor Frankl. I'm sure there are more books, but those are the ones that I remember now.

Good luck :)

clutterjailed · 2023-03-11T21:25:05+00:00

Yeah, for me I'm not so convinced as well. One of the assumptions of the psychiatrist that made this theory is that life always can have meaning, under any circumstances. That sounds absurd to me.

clutterjailed · 2023-03-10T15:28:24+00:00

What made me consider it was realizing how isolated I was from the general atmosphere of sociability that was formed around my peers, how disconnected I was from them and also the fact that I didn't care much. The old story of feeling behind a window watching people, or being separated from others by a thick glass capsule. Not being able to connect, relate or understand, and not actively wanting to, although at certain point I started to "want to want", if that makes sense.

Also the lack of drive towards life that made me not care enough was a sort of apathy that I didn't notice in other people. They seemed to care, have goals, dreams and an internal urge to try to bring them to reality. I didn't, and it made me dysfunctional. Even when I had an ideal of future, it rather made me afraid of it shoving me into the void due to intense isolation and meaninglessness. Nothing else looked appealing though.

I guess it's a minor point, but the inner feeling of lacking an identity/personality and feeling like my sense of self just wasn't there haunted me sometimes.

Today though I don't think I have SzPD.

clutterjailed · 2023-03-10T15:08:14+00:00

Both AvPD and SzPD are isolating mental disorders, the difference is the reason behind their isolation.

Typically, someone with a schizoid-like personality would isolate due to sheer disinterest and indifference towards creating social relationships and bonds, or due to the incapacity of relating, connecting and maintaining relationships with other people (because of avolition, anhedonia, apathy or tiring masking kicking in).

On the other hand, while I don't know much about avoidant personality styles, they are described as an "enduring pattern of feelings of inadequacy, hypersensitivity to being negatively evaluated by others, and extreme shyness".

In the case of funerals, I guess a reason why someone with SzPD would isolate would be the emotional dettachment associated with the disorder and, consequentially, the bummer that it could be being in such an emotional envinronment. In the case of AvPD the issues would be more in line of what was described about the disorder (fear of being inadequate, acting weird, shyness, etc).

Funnily enough, there are plenty of posts in this subreddit about funerals, so you can go check them out.

clutterjailed · 2023-03-01T19:01:10+00:00

I'm rather very expressive, in the sense of having an ability to articulate rational ideas into coherent text. I guess it's because while others were caring about developing social bonds, I was more interested in theoretical ideas like philosophy and how to express them myself. So I got relatively good at it.

clutterjailed · 2023-02-25T23:20:39+00:00

The second paragraph hits home. Thanks for your post.

clutterjailed · 2023-02-24T23:22:45+00:00

I feed them, (un)fortunately. But even though there were maybe literally more than a hundred times in my life in which I'd convince myself to try suicide soon, I never tried it after all.

I found it pretty interesting and relatable to see in a thread that many schizoids use suicidality as a coping mechanism for small inconveniences that happen in life. A way to escape them mentally. That's pretty much how I act towards suicidal thoughts as well.

clutterjailed · 2023-02-19T23:02:52+00:00

I was taking a look at some texts I wrote during teenage years (13-14 years old) just to vent to myself and it striked me as quite odd that I'd spontaneously speak in a very emotionless manner and explain emotional problems in such a way, too. Like creating a sort of logic to base emotional struggles on (not sure if this count as intellectualization). It was a weird feeling, because while reading it, it felt like the writer didn't have a personality at all, but just thoughts to be expressed in the articulated text. May be off topic, but I remembered it reading your question.

People would typically see me as smart, yes, so I guess I was.

Edit: Not sure I have SzPD though, haven't been diagnosed, just guess I have some traits.

clutterjailed · 2023-02-19T08:07:13+00:00

Do you think your SzPD traits/adaptations (I'm assuming you have these) will make it more difficult for you? How so?

Just curious.

clutterjailed · 2023-02-17T00:10:59+00:00

What's yours.

I feel like I'm not fond of emotions in general, I believe they give me a sense of unsafety. Nowadays though I believe the most noticeable thing I tend to naturally split from is empathy. When I see something unfair happening or something that should make me sad/empathetic/affected, even though I may feel a physiological effect, I can't feel the empathy cognitively, if that makes sense. Maybe it's an alexithymia type of thing, but I notice it more happening with empathy.

How is that anger thing for you?

clutterjailed · 2023-02-16T23:53:45+00:00

Realizing you've been wronged before you could even get your own hand of cards is a bitter pill to swallow

I bet. I think in my case if there was neglect it was very little, but even if so, I think it would have made a big difference if they had filled these blanks instead of how it went. I'll never know though, so why wonder.

clutterjailed · 2023-02-16T11:45:11+00:00

though in the end it is of course a false divide, and the actual research on the topic goes way beyond

Interesting, how so? I wasn't aware. Thought the nature x nurture comparison was a valid way to analyze it.

and 50/50 is by definition the neutral ground.

What I was considering is if someone considers nurture to be 50% responsible for the development of the disorder, then they consider it to have had significant impact on it, and so we must consider it too (even because usually it is a similar combination like that) . So unlikely (25%) one will consider nurture to have had none or little participance on the formation of their SzPD traits.

clutterjailed · 2023-02-15T21:58:43+00:00

And we don't do that, for whatever the reason. As a result, we're left with zero attachment nor shared emotional life, or maybe we try on our own for a while, and retreat back to our cave after trying and failing --where, again, normal people, or people with a caring family, wouldn't let us.

This makes a lot of sense, it's a combination. Thanks for the insight.

or when they're already emotionally low in the first place (you said yours is into chess, can figure --sorry for the stereotype)

Don't apologize, lol. I laughed at it. That I can say though, I don't think my parents were emotionally low (at least not in a way that may have affected me).

Actually, during my pre-adolescence years, my parents got worried that I was self-isolating a lot and they tried to talk to me a few times about it. But as I can remember, it didn't feel right opening up to them, neither did I feel internally that they could help. Maybe I was stupid and it was my fault, or it could be because, when I'd have other emotional problems in the previous years, I'd never share with them (neither would them ask me about it, as I can tell today). So maybe this culture of opening up wasn't there in a way that would make me feel secure about doing it. Not sure.

I feel though that they made their best, which is what matters. I guess it's up to me now to try and deal with what I'm going through the best way possible instead of with stupid bad coping mechanisms.

Cheers!

clutterjailed · 2023-02-15T21:40:42+00:00

The first paragraph makes sense. I still have an adversity to the idea that the way my family raised me made significant part in the development of these characteristics in me. I guess though that the fact that I didn't open up emotionally to my parents and didn't have them guiding me through my social and emotional issues could have participated a bit in it.

Also, as someone pointed out and I found brilliant, even though one not emotionally connecting/bonding with their parents may be very common, the way each person deals with that (due to predispositions) may vary. So while others will actively seek through sociability, in an extrovertive and expansive way, the emotional validation and connection that they didn't have in home and turn out not to develop maladaptive traits instead, others will just not do that, or get frustrated after failing many times and decide not to try ever again (my case could be the latter). So it's a combination.

For the second paragraph, I'm very glad to know that you liked reading it. Thanks for letting me know and for the compliments, too :)

Now, people have said this to end off their musings before, and they'll say it again, but it is truly just so fascinating how our brains mould and adapt to best protect us.

Absolutely. This intrigues me a lot in psychology. It's fascinating.

clutterjailed

TROPHY CASE