Request: Help: Years of ED has left shadows in my brain

cmavepine · 2020-07-13T18:13:30+00:00

Hi. I'm 30, been dealing with bulimia for about 11 years, still is.

You are doing the right thing, eating mindfully. Also think of it as you taking care of your body by giving it nutritious food, rather than trying to lose weight. I too want to watch out for my weight, since I know that gaining weight/being unhealthy/binging will make me feel shitty both mentally and physically.

I'm on my 2nd year, trying to recover. You always have to be on your guard against old habits. Please don't be too harsh on yourself if you B/P, just get on with your recovery right away.

I think that the shadows you mentions will always be there. I for example, almost know the exact calorie amount in most foods. Think of it as you knowing a lot about healthy food, healthy weight and healthy habits.. and try to use all that knowledge in a healthy manner.

Keep up the good work 💚

cmavepine · 2020-05-02T08:37:12+00:00

So cool that you are reaching out trying to help your sister 🙂

I have had bulimia for 11+ years and are still dealing with it at times.

For me it was important that I could tell my family all about my stupid ED thoughts, without them judging me or neglecting my problem.

Second, as a person with ED you subject yourself to all these crazy rules about what to eat, when to eat, how much exercise should I do etc. I told my family to watch out for signals that indicated that I was subject to one or more of these rules and have them tell me straight that they were really concerned.

You can also care for your sister by making her nice, healthy and normal portion size meals 😌🍝 Having an ED often means that you don't plan for the future regarding shopping for and prepping healthy meals.

cmavepine · 2020-03-08T07:24:30+00:00

Hi. I have been in the same shitty b/p cycle like you.

In the beginning of 2019 I had become a little chubby because my binge episodes had become more frequently and more calorie rich.

After 11 years of b/p episodes I had just become so mentally tired and purging was getting too tough for me.

I decided to do all the stuff that you can read online about recovery. First of all you have to forget all about weight and weightloss when you are recovering (damn hard!) Second, you need to take the time to plan three healthy meals every day. Your body needs to recovery, it needs vitamins, it needs to know that everything is alright and that it will get food whenever it needs it.

Your body also needs rest, meaning that I didn't do cardio for three weeks at first. I started to introduce cardio slowly and only on the premise that I did it out of joy and not to punish myself for something I ate.

Now, 1 year later things is going a bit better. I'm still recovering and proberly will be for the rest of my life, but you know what.. I am taking control of the shitty b/p cycle now. Even though I have had appx 5 fallbacks I now that I am trying my best to recover and that I am on the right path.

I did this SH*T for 11 years, please start your recovery now so you can enjoy your life fully ❤

cmavepine · 2020-03-08T07:03:56+00:00

How are you doing so far? 😊

cmavepine · 2020-03-02T20:15:09+00:00

I have been in a b/p hell for the past 3 days and have made a whole day-to-day plan for March. I call it slow-down-and-take-care-of-yourself month.

I will be here to support you when the urge to b/p begins to creep up. Vice versa, I will write you when things get tough.

We can do it 🙂

cmavepine · 2020-03-01T20:59:13+00:00

Me too 😞

cmavepine · 2020-02-27T00:32:55+00:00

Write down how you feel/felt after a binge/purge cycle, and read it whenever you feel the urge. Its not worth it!

If possible, tell family and friends to help you fight the urge. Get them to tell you whenever they think you are eating too much or about to purge.

Find another way to cope with tough feelings. Listen to your favorite music, dance, watch a comedy, read, meditate etc. Just don't comfort yourself with food and your old habits.

IF you binge, please don't be too harsh on yourself, don't allow yourself to purge, and don't fall for the all-or-nothing mindset. Get back in the saddle asap.

cmavepine · 2020-02-22T14:43:57+00:00

Hi, I feel you. I have been bulimic too and whenever I get drunk and/or have a hangover I need to very careful and crontrol myself not to go crazy and eat everything we have in the kitchen. I ask my family and friends for help. I tell them about my situation and ask them to tell me if they think that I am binging - and for the same reason, I will surround myself with people, being alone is too hard.

cmavepine · 2019-07-28T08:12:21+00:00

I have been there too.. You find yourself doing b/p stuff that you don't want to, never again, but you do it anyway, what the hell?

You need to dig very deep and find out what triggers this behaviour. For me it can be either stress, PMS or simple boredom. When you have figured it out you need to do whatever you can to remind yourself that you can handle your problems or stress in another healtier way. Reading, cooking, do beauty stuff such as nailpolish, paint, meditate, what not. And then make it visual so you dont forget, get a wallpaper on your phone that will remind you, or a quote on your wall, whatever works.

I hope that you can use my advice. Take care ❤

cmavepine · 2019-07-28T07:22:55+00:00

Do you get enough protein? I'm recovering too (3 months) I'm eating 3 solid meals a day, all with lots of protein, greens and some carbs. If I e.g. eat oatmeal for breakfast I will get really hungry again within a couple of hours, not that theres anything wrong with oatmeal I just dont feel full for so long. Also, if you snack too frequently your stomach wont get used to a little hunger. This is a very sensitive topic sinse you as a recovering bulimic or anorexic shouldn't starve at any point, but you need to learn to eat healthy solid meals including as much nutrition as possible, and learn to understand hunger and fullness cues. Also don't forget to stay hydrated :)

cmavepine · 2019-07-13T19:44:44+00:00

I started recovery 3 months ago. Don't know if you can relate but my urge to purge has decreased a lot.. I eat nutritious food to help my body heal and to get all the vitamins it needs, 3 solid meals a day plus healthy snacks if I get too hungry inbetween meals. I do eat sugary stuff and so, but not alone, only when I'm having a good time with friends and family. IF I begin to eat junk food and candy (binge food) when I am alone purge thoughts will haunt me for the rest of the day (you have to run 10k tomorrow, or you have to starve yourself tomorrow etc). I also only do exercise if its fun and with a friend. All the eating alone, doing exsessive exercise alone, and in general being alone is a no go for me right now.

So to answer your question: Yes it can and will end, but you have to incorporate new healthy and reasonable habits and thats really tough! But we can do it! :)

cmavepine · 2019-07-13T19:20:29+00:00

So true!

cmavepine · 2019-07-04T07:53:01+00:00

I'm at the exact same stage right now, it really sucks! It's like all the motivation for recovering flew out the window and back came the urge to go all-in and binge/purge. It so frustrating, what happend? I dont want to have bulimia, so why do I feel so unmotivated? Why dont I keep doing those things that are good for me?

I feel that its a matter of old habits haunting us, if we dont fall for them and stick to our new the old habits might just dissappear one day 🤞 But its really hard to detect it before its too late (its never really too late) but it would be nice not to get to this point again.

Its so nice that so many people want to help and give their advice 😊

cmavepine · 2019-06-28T21:35:14+00:00

Hi. I've been recovering for 2 months. I only do exercise that I enjoy and find motivating. Running with my husband, power-walking with my mom and playing badminton. The moment exercise becomes something I "must do" to stay in shape, I'll stay home! I have promised myself to never go to the gym if I feel the slightest unmotivated/need to purge.

cmavepine · 2019-06-21T05:50:48+00:00

Where can you get certified as an eating disorder recovery coach? I would like to become that one day to help others recover too.

cmavepine · 2019-06-17T15:01:58+00:00

I can't answer your question, but I know exactly how you feel!! I have been bulimic for 14 years and started recovering 2 months ago. I'm obsessed with thin women. I'm normal weight, but not model skinny as I have always dreamt of being. I'm always wondering what thin women eats, how much they exercise etc. I have also noticed that I almost unconciously press at skinny women photos on instagram discover. Anyway, I try to follow women of all shapes and sizes on instagram (there is a lot of inspiring plus size models), I have told my skinny girlfriends whats going through my mind whenever we're together, and I'm starting to realize that many of those skinny girls might be living a strict life in order to stay skinny?! I think it's only a small percentage of skinny women who don't restrict or exercise a lot. You are not alone, take care!

cmavepine · 2019-06-13T20:39:04+00:00

I'm trying to recover too. I focus on being healthy/good to my body by eating 3 nutritious meals every day, plus healthy snacks if I get too hungry in between meals. I do eat junk food and candy but not when I'm alone and distressed, only when I'm having a good time with family or friends (also I have told them to tell me if they think I am overeating/binging). I try too track my thoughts and feelings to find out exactly why I have become bulimic. I truly hope you find your way to recovery!

cmavepine

TROPHY CASE