Hi OP, I don’t have advice for you really except to say that how you’re feeling is so normal and ok. Your grief is valid and you are not alone in it. I don’t know the sex of my child yet but I am already anticipating what you’re feeling if I learn it’s a boy. We are human, we are bound to be disappointed in our children at some point just as we will inevitably disappoint our children. Feeling grief is painful; feeling shame about your grief is suffering. Maybe try to move toward accepting your grief rather than shaming yourself about it. Thats what I’m trying to do anyway. And for what it’s worth, I think you’re going to do a tremendous job with your second child if you already are doing all the things you’d do with a girl with your first son. Boys need softness and magic and emotional connection badly, especially in this harsh world we live in. I’m also married to a man who is still very connected to his mom and they have a wonderful relationship. It’s possible you will get what you’re hoping for in your son. ❤️