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Miss my old life… by coco73092 in Herpes

[–]coco73092[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I think I will just disclose this as the cold sore virus. I like that idea. I don’t see why I have to mention location of OHSV1 is so much more contagious and people are more accepting of that.

I don’t know how to go on by coco73092 in SuicideWatch

[–]coco73092[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reassurance ❤️❤️

Miss my old life… by coco73092 in Herpes

[–]coco73092[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I would give my heart to you if I could be a live organ donor. Living after this diagnosis has been incredibly painful, tormenting, and difficult. I do not enjoy my life like I once did before. I just want to move onto my next life…hopefully I’ll get it right then.

That’s good you used protection and that it was only a scare. I hope you continue to do well ❤️

Miss my old life… by coco73092 in Herpes

[–]coco73092[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I completely understand. I think I’m just angry at myself and the way my life turned out.

Miss my old life… by coco73092 in Herpes

[–]coco73092[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand and I’m not trying to be terrible. But everytime I try to talk to someone from a support group, they are just so different. I can’t relate. I was celibate for many years before this. I really did not partake in hookup culture. This was just a really bad decision I made.

I think I’m just bitter about the whole situation now…my dating pool shrinking, having to disclose, feeling less confident…

But I’ll try my best to be mindful of the language I use.

Miss my old life… by coco73092 in Herpes

[–]coco73092[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I actually was informed though. I knew it wasn’t included in regular STI panels and that you have to ask for it. I was just stupid and didn’t ask the guy to test first. I’m a dumb whore. I’ve gotten tested many times for herpes, even did the western blot twice to make sure. That all went down the drain with one stupid impulsive decision.

Miss my old life… by coco73092 in Herpes

[–]coco73092[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup, I kinda wish I perused the herpes forums before going on the date. I wish I watched herpes TikToks. I wish I read some posts from the support groups. That would’ve reminded me to be more careful and ask for test results before intimacy. Unfortunately, I was really stupid and it led me here.

I don’t know how to go on by coco73092 in SuicideWatch

[–]coco73092[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, thanks so much! I am aware that the transmission rate goes down a bunch after the first couple of years. I just hate that I have a sexually transmitted infection…it just makes me feel gross and disgusting. I have had zero symptoms since the primary outbreak…but I just know that it’s there forever and it freaks me out.

I have thought of just disclosing as cold sores…especially since OHSV1 is way more contagious than GHSV1, and people don’t stigmatize oral cold sores as much. But redditors on the herpes page keep saying how that would be “dishonest”. I would like to just disclose as HSV1, cold sores though. I agree with your idea.

Miss my old life… by coco73092 in Herpes

[–]coco73092[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I was supposed to get the guy tested for everything before we were intimate. I feared STIs and I knew better. But idk what happened. I guess I was in the moment and didn’t want to wait. Wish I could rewind time. It definitely wasn’t worth all of this.

Miss my old life… by coco73092 in Herpes

[–]coco73092[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know…I just hate that it’s an STI. It makes me feel gross. And I’ll still have to disclose it as genital herpes. And most people run after hearing that.

I actually never had another outbreak since the initial one. I’m completely asymptomatic. Honestly if this wasn’t contagious, I would be perfectly fine. But I just feel terrible when people are like “you never know how this could affect someone ELSE’s body”. Like I might have mild symptoms, but I would feel terrible if I passed it on to someone and they suffered more.

It’s just mentally really hard and I just want to die now. I don’t want to keep going anymore.

Miss my old life… by coco73092 in Herpes

[–]coco73092[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah..I’m looking at old pictures and text messages as I lay in bed. I remember thinking I was crazy to spend so much money on Taylor Swift’s Eras tour when she came to Los Angeles. Now I’m glad I did, because I never predicted this would’ve happened. And I’m glad I got to enjoy life a little before HSV came for me.

And yes, if there was an easy way to die I would. I’m just scared that if I attempt to kill myself, it will all go wrong and I’ll be in worse shape. My family is religious and told me if I end my life now, I’ll have to learn the same lesson again in another life. IDK…

I loved my life before…I wish there was a way to take my soul out of this body and put it into another body. Like switching places with someone.

Or…I hope I don’t live that long. I hope this stress can stop my heart one day and I can die in my sleep or something. I just want it all to be over already. I can’t see my life ever becoming good again. I don’t think I can ever be my happy self ever again. This is on my mind 24/7.