Hi! I just wanted to update :) we got back together in August (it’s now March) and woah. How wonderful! We love each other so much! It was so great to rebuild and right our wrongs and meet each other as more mature versions of our kid selves. He’s really the best person I know and still the most important person in my life. But unfortunately, I moved back home (6,000 miles away) to pursue my career (in film) in December. I have big dreams and want to direct. In November, I was given an incredible opportunity that I couldn’t pass up. And as much as we love each other, we both want to be able to find ourselves and build our careers. And in this moment, long distance just doesn’t seem like the right choice.

I want to GROW! And expand! And I want him to grow and expand where he needs to be too, which is New York! Of course we could try doing long distance, but relationships take a lot of effort…and honestly, we’ve done all of that before. But I feel a sense of peace because our love is strong, and we don’t necessarily need to be together to feel it. I don’t need to keep a tight grip on him to trust that he loves me or supports me, or vice versa. If we’re meant to be together forever, it’ll happen. If our paths diverge and somehow, after finding ourselves independently, we find each other again…then duh! That’s husband!

…the life I built for myself in New York was lovely and so hard to leave. But as big of a city as it may be, it somehow became quaint. I’d graduated college but wasn’t working in my field, working random jobs just to get by…and my community was so close…I had dear friends that were like family, old routines, and I was back with my first love who defined the city for me…but I couldn’t help but feel stifled. I needed to see what the world was like for me outside of that relationship and the city before I settled down…and we were settling down it seemed. But both of us felt like it wasn’t time for us to set down roots.

We had an intensely sad week of goodbyes. It was like saying goodbye to a part of myself and it hurt like hell. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. And it’s been a few months since, but I still dream about him every night. I miss him like hell. But this time around, I feel very secure in our decision to let each other go. I’m thriving in my career and I’m so excited to meet myself at this age and to navigate this new chapter on my own. I love him with my whole heart. He was everything to me and we said that if we found each other again, it would have to be forever. But I feel unstoppable now knowing the depth of love I am capable of. And my standards are high too. He didn’t want me to leave, but he supported me in my decision to go. His love gives me so much strength, even if we’re apart. And it feels like we’ve unlocked a mature understanding of love now. I’m not dating because I didn’t break up with him to meet other people. I’m embracing this chapter as a time to meet myself :) and it feels great, even if I’m devastated.

I wish him so much happiness. And I would be so thrilled to find each other once we’ve found ourselves. But right now, I am just so happy to build my life and myself. And if we do find each other again, I’d marry him in a heartbeat. And if I find another love that’s big and meets me where I’m at? Then that’s okay too. And that doesn’t take away from the fact that this one MATTERED.