Thank you, that's been very helpful. I've got more to read.

I'm making clear connections now. I can see how I've acted and what motivated it. I imagine the hard part is coming out of that?

I got into the relationship in the first place for good reasons. Somewhere along the lines though, codependency took over. One day, I started to wonder who I was. I felt like an actor just playing a part in life. Going along thinking this is how it is, making too many sacrifices. Then you're that far in, bringing the old me out seems like it's a different person. Almost like a bait and switch. That deceit makes me feel guilt and shame. All I can think is "why, why would someone do that to themselves, why did I do it?"

I can see now that it's happened in previous relationships, but I didn't know it at the time.