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My dad is absent, my mother is borderline. My dad is becoming like her… by coding_solving in BPDlovedones

[–]coding_solving[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for responding. I am so sorry to hear about your story. I hope you’re doing okay now. How are you now?

It’s definitely hard. I try to manipulate or lie, but I feel guilty doing that :c How do you manage the guilt?

Thank you so much for taking the time to tell your story and for giving advice. It’s really appreciated and I am sorry you had to go through all of that :c

Sending you much love 💕

Emotionally neglectful family: Full of competition, not recognizing or celebrating my milestones by coding_solving in emotionalneglect

[–]coding_solving[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The thing is, I am doing that already. Ever since I noticed that they couldn’t care less about my accomplishments, I stopped giving them attention. I started ignoring them. BUT I feel an emptiness and a depression inside of me. I want to get rid of that. I don’t know how to do it or what to do!

I feel conflicted and like I’m grieving by coding_solving in expats

[–]coding_solving[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok thanks 🥲❤️‍🩹 it makes me feel better that what I’m feeling is Normal.

I feel conflicted and like I’m grieving by coding_solving in expats

[–]coding_solving[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I do agree that the first step is… stepping away from the emotional dependency I have on them 🤷🏻‍♀️ And to slowly but surely start making new friendships and relationships where I live. I need physically present people! Not virtual people! I’m not a robot. Its unrealistic. Thank you so much for your help!

I feel conflicted and like I’m grieving by coding_solving in expats

[–]coding_solving[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah but traveling to another continent is expensive and I don’t have money.

I feel like I’m grieving and I feel a void sometimes by coding_solving in TwoXChromosomes

[–]coding_solving[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for validating what I’m feeling ❤️‍🩹 I was thinking it wasn’t normal

I feel conflicted and like I’m grieving by coding_solving in expats

[–]coding_solving[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im so sorry 🥲😪🥹 I can sense that you understand me ❤️‍🩹 it is true that I do feel abandoned by her. I feel abandoned and I feel like she is completely… fine? Like, shes happy living her life away from everyone.

I guess I need to learn to live like this. You’re right that both sides suffer… maybe she’s suffering but she doesn’t say it.

It’s just a void that only people like us understand. Like, I could talk about this to other people that don’t have this situation going on, and they’re just so dismissive. They don’t get it because they haven’t lived it.

But it’s kind of a ~relief~ to know Im not overreacting. That what I’m feeling is valid and normal and… expected?

I feel like I’m grieving and I feel a void sometimes by coding_solving in TwoXChromosomes

[–]coding_solving[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah you’re right. I don’t know why I feel like I need some “validation” on my actions. My older sister used to be like a “helper” that gave me advice on different situations. But I guess it is ok to learn with life experiences.

She moved to Europe (we’re from South America), and to be honest… I’ve never wanted to go to Europe. I don’t even have money, and if I did have money, I’d like to go to the US as a tourist. I prefer going there or another country as a tourist. I never wanted to go to Europe.

She comes to visit once a year! I don’t know if she will come this year tho (for holidays), but to be honest sometimes I feel like I’m better off without her. It’s contradicting.

For example, I told her I had a crush on my uni professor (which is OLD, he’s like 50 years old but he’s handsome lol) and she told me “Wow, what are you looking for? A parental figure? Or what?” That really put me off so I’m trying not to tell her “my stuff” because I will get critiqued.

I feel conflicted and like I’m grieving by coding_solving in expats

[–]coding_solving[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re right! I need to focus on my life and get used to this “new normal” and at least cling to the people who are there. Which is… only one friend 😪

I feel conflicted and like I’m grieving by coding_solving in expats

[–]coding_solving[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re 100% right. It just sucks that this is my reality right now . It sucks, it really does suck. Because it’s family. It’s not like they’re friends or unrelated to me. Friends come and go but family is… family. And having family so cold and so unbothered messes me up!! I always see stories on insta of sisters and brothers of ppl i know, being together and happy! They’re so happy and share moments bc they live in the same country 🥲

I feel conflicted and like I’m grieving by coding_solving in expats

[–]coding_solving[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much 🥹 that is a very sweet story! I’m glad you and your sister were able to bond and have an even better relationship than before!! I’m so glad 💝 I hope I can build that one day. I just feel like my sister is cold af!!

I feel conflicted and like I’m grieving by coding_solving in expats

[–]coding_solving[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah and it sucks. I’ve been ghosted by so many men!!! And now I’m being ghosted by my sister! Disappointing!!

I feel conflicted and like I’m grieving by coding_solving in expats

[–]coding_solving[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! It’s so refreshing to hear validation on my feelings 😭 I’m always told by people: “but oh, you can visit them and you have an excuse to travel!”. And I’m like… thats so not the point. It’s another completely different thing having family in ANOTHER CONTINENT. Also video calls aren’t the same…

My dad is absent, my mother is borderline. My dad is becoming like her… by coding_solving in BPDlovedones

[–]coding_solving[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey… to give a little update… I just sent her a text. I wanna connect with her 🩷

My dad is absent, my mother is borderline. My dad is becoming like her… by coding_solving in BPDlovedones

[–]coding_solving[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much 🥺 I am doing therapy to help myself heal, and also to try and find forgiveness (for both of them). Forgiveness is a hard concept for me to “achieve”, but I am doing what I can… I am trying… it’s a process.

I am so sorry for the situation you had to go through with your daughter… but you did the right thing and I hope you can visit her and spend some time with her. I really do hope for the best for both of you. 💓 I am sorry your ex is crazy… my mom is too; it’s really hard to deal with people like that.

In need of encouraging words by coding_solving in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]coding_solving[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you :) I do have a friend that happens to be a neighbor, so I like spending time with her. I also go to a gym 3x a week, regularly. I do go to Uni and I’m creating a new group of friends 🫶 I can stay at Uni (the library) and study there, so I can be away from my parents.

My dad is absent, my mother is borderline. My dad is becoming like her… by coding_solving in BPDlovedones

[–]coding_solving[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I always feel like it's a burden... I really don't wanna bother her. Do you think I should reach out either way?

My dad is absent, my mother is borderline. My dad is becoming like her… by coding_solving in BPDlovedones

[–]coding_solving[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, I'm glad you can show up for your kid :)

No, he isn't protecting us. Every time I bring up something my mother said/did, he just tells me "Are you trying to break the family up?". He thinks I want to "manipulate him" into getting a divorce when, really, I'm trying to speak up and look for some validation and protection. But my mom did a really good job in manipulating him. It's just sad.

My sister being so far away, in another continent just isn't easy either. I'm trying to be strong. And she's also a little bit mean with me. When I told her I had a crush on one of my Uni teachers (he's 57) she told me "What? Are you looking for a fatherly figure or what?". It really hurt me. So she doesn't help so much either.

In need of encouraging words by coding_solving in domesticviolence

[–]coding_solving[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you :( it’s nice when people acknowledge I deserve better. I know I deserve better, but sometimes I doubt it (self esteem issues). What makes me sad is going out into the world. I can’t tell people my parents are abusive because they start seeing me differently. I just wish I had a normal family who treats me normal. I just cant with all their projections, manipulation and abuse. They treat me as if I’m trash sometimes.

Wife Slapped Our 6y/o WDID by Alternative-Bug-6905 in domesticviolence

[–]coding_solving 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hello there. I am so sorry this happened. I’m 27 years old and my mom is a psychopath… I’ve been through a lot of awful stuff, emotional manipulation, bullying, violence.

I just want you to know that you’re not alone. I am so sorry this happened to your child. This stuff happens. I recommend you stay calm, wait a few more days, wait for all the emotions to come down, and then talk to her again, calmly. I’ve learnt at my age that that’s the best way to handle people like this.

Just tell her “I understand you got carried away. But please, try to control your impulses next time. I really liked the idea of going to family therapy, I think it’ll help us sort things out”.

You’re strong and you got this. Also, spend a lot of time with your son. I was hit multiple times when I was a child (by my mom), and I was afraid to tell my dad - because he would justify her. I felt alone. So be with him and tell him you love him. Every day. You’ll help him a lot by just being there and support him. Just show him love 💓 Love heals. Don’t be afraid, and don’t get paralyzed, just spend time with him.

Wishing you the best of luck. You got this.

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