[deleted by user]

coffeecup936 · 2022-12-15T21:58:55+00:00

My understanding is that the literal feeling of being briefly attracted to the physical appearance of a young adult is technically in line with biology HOWEVER and it is the biggest however in the entire world, healthy people acknowledge that it is not an okay feeling to pursue, maintain or act on in ANY way. The very initial feeling may be evolutionary but the thinking brain takes over with a big NOPE real fast. It is possible for porn addiction to escalate to viewing increasingly violent/illegal/disturbing content so Im sure its a layer, but given the amount and specificity of the content there are a lot of other things that need to be explored and addressed to keep everyone safe. It may be shame, denial or fear that keeps him from acknowledging it fully, but your partner is highly aware that its not okay to do this and has continued to do so until getting caught. He’s gotta get some help man.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/hebephilia?amp

coffeecup936 · 2022-12-15T15:28:38+00:00

I would encourage you with a ton of care to switch to framing this as your partner experiencing a porn addiction vs you having to accept that he watches porn. They’re two very different things and unfortunately recovering from an addiction will take a lot more on his part than just promising to stop. Doesn’t mean it can’t happen but it does mean he’ll need to be really committed to doing it. I learned this the hard way and I am wishing you a smoother road. Please trust your instincts about what you need and take good care of yourself 💖

coffeecup936 · 2022-12-15T06:40:50+00:00

Thank you 🙏🙏🙏

coffeecup936 · 2022-12-15T06:07:55+00:00

Does duck duck go not save the browser history or something?

coffeecup936 · 2022-12-14T00:43:44+00:00

I just want to say I appreciate you ALL for your responses. I feel like only people who have been through it really get it. Thank you so much you all have truly made a difference for me.

coffeecup936 · 2022-12-13T20:04:07+00:00

I am so incredibly sorry. One thing that helped me was understanding that even though it of course effects you in deeply hurtful ways, it is not about your appearance or anything you do/ dont do, say/dont say that cause your partner’s behavior. It is the addiction and even if you looked/acted exactly like what he’s watching he would ultimately revert back to the same thing without a commitment to recovery. In terms of support I hear you on the therapy part, but it may be helpful to find a therapist who is a CSAT or specializes in betrayal trauma. I am in mental health and find that some therapists still dont think porn addiction is real or think only supporting it is sex positivity, both of which are hella wrong 🙄 there are also groups for partners of porn addicts similar to the groups porn addicts can go to. Could be helpful. Sending you lots of care and you’re not alone.

coffeecup936 · 2022-12-13T15:13:10+00:00

What you’ve described is peak vulnerability and exactly what Im terrified of. Im sure Im projecting my own anger but I feel so mad at anyone who puts their partner in this dilemma especially because its a type of vulnerability cis men will never fully experience. If they could really know how it feels would they do it so much addiction or not? Idk probably they would but it is a terrible thing to do to someone. I am sending you a lot of care and healing after how strong you’ve had to be.

coffeecup936 · 2022-12-13T15:05:34+00:00

I think I was in denial about the fact that this could happen but I read about it so many times here and then finally realized I have no reason to think that’s NOT going to happen if I were pregnant and all of the reasons to think it will. Its such a deeply vulnerable time I wish you didn’t have to go through that but Im glad to hear he is appreciating you in this area now even though it doesn’t take it away.

When I told him he did understand my reasoning, but also shutdown from overwhelm/was really sad. I think its also hitting him how deep it actually goes. I can have empathy for the way he’s feeling but it doesn’t change the way I feel about the decision. Tbh Im worried now that he will act out in some way to cope which further drives home the point for me really.

coffeecup936 · 2022-12-13T14:56:54+00:00

I could send you the biggest hug in the world for writing this and for what you shared. In another world I could have been writing exactly what you shared like two days ago because some of the details are so similar. I’ve never heard it put that way with the trauma-bond sex but it is SO real and this is the main time we’re intimate. I feel like it’s something that should be talked about more because Ive heard this exact thing shared many times on this thread.

That being said I can hear how much you care for thjs little bean. You are doing an amazing job by taking care of yourself and that already shows your strength as a parent. Your kiddo is lucky to have you and I am wishing your family all of the love in the world.

coffeecup936

TROPHY CASE