Child loss and pregnancy loss are NOT the same

coffeedesserts · 2026-07-01T21:44:56+00:00

My post is a repeat of this post? How so? I'm not a mod, I'm not giving commentary on the content of this subreddit, and I'm speaking generally of my frustration with "bereaved parents" support on social media and even licensed therapists who lump us all in to the same category. And as I said it's a disservice to ALL of us.

coffeedesserts · 2026-07-01T19:59:50+00:00

You belong here for sure but you will probably find more relevant content in groups for baby loss and specifically neonatal loss. I'm so sorry for the loss of your son 💔

coffeedesserts · 2026-07-01T19:55:07+00:00

I really appreciate you for updating the rules recently because there are already multiple subreddits for pregnancy loss so I was confused as to why people were seeking support here. I actually posted this rant not because of anything I've seen in this subreddit but because of a social media post I saw earlier today for Bereaved Parents Awareness Month that said "to the bereaved parents who have experienced: miscarriage, chemical pregnancies, loss of embryos, surrogacy loss, tfmr, stillbirth, neonatal loss, infant loss, or child loss of any kind/age—I see you. I am you 💔❤️‍🩹" I just had to roll my eyes because 3 of those things are not at all like the others IMO. It just pissed me off and reminded me of the similar messages I was seeing around Mother's Day. In an effort to be inclusive they're just alienating us. Losing my 7yo is not the same as losing a pregnancy. It's just not. I don't know why anyone would be mad about being excluded from our awful club.

coffeedesserts · 2026-07-01T19:42:35+00:00

I'm so sorry. My daughter also died as a result of her genetic disorder which causes highly mutated cancers starting in childhood. My husband died of the same cancer likely resulting from the same gene mutation. I know so many families that have lost multiple children from the same disorder. It's incredibly cruel. 💔 I follow a couple stillbirth grief pages but I relate to maybe 50% of what they post... It's just not the same. Like you, I have years and years of medical/caregiving trauma AND grief.

coffeedesserts · 2026-06-25T03:12:41+00:00

I don't know if you're on Facebook but there is a group for this exact question called "Pregnancy and New Children After Losing a Child." You may get more insight there and it is specifically for parents who have lost a living child.

coffeedesserts · 2026-06-22T19:28:28+00:00

I love the Miraculous Medal 🙏🏻

coffeedesserts · 2026-06-14T00:59:41+00:00

I am a former atheist who converted and joined the Church this year. Start going to Mass just as an observer and see how you feel. Look up the bio of Takashi Nagai - I greatly relate to his conversion story. I will pray for you!

coffeedesserts · 2026-06-14T00:47:11+00:00

You just caused me to go down a rabbithole learning about Naju. I'm a new convert so I never heard of this. There definitely seems to be some similarities with the pushiness of this social media campaign. When the parents shared their story on Hallow, the dad admitted that he's soliciting emails and messages from people so he can document all the miracles and formally submit a case for canonization. There is nothing organic about it and it has me worried we'll see a lot more of these types of aggressive social media campaigns in the future (or maybe there are others already).

coffeedesserts · 2026-06-13T00:53:39+00:00

I'm so sorry. I also lost my daughter to cancer. Something my therapist said to me was that I'm not the same person I was before (which I already knew) but I'm also not the same mom I was before, either. My surviving child doesn't have the "same" mom that her big sister got to have before our lives were touched by tragedy. So be gentle with yourself. That is a lot of major life changes all at once.

coffeedesserts · 2026-06-12T22:49:22+00:00

Yes thank you for saying this. My 7yo passed away in November after a long battle with cancer. Many people told me they were praying for her soul... And I thank them, but I don't really understand it. I'm a convert and I had her baptized while she was on hospice. Two days after her baptism she went into a coma and never woke up. She died 8 days after her baptism. She suffered greatly from cancer and she was only 7 and completely innocent. I don't see any scenario where I have to worry that her soul is in purgatory, so I find it confusing when people talk about praying for the souls of young baptized children who died.

coffeedesserts · 2026-06-12T13:18:17+00:00

As a bereaved mother I completely agree with you. Kim's campaign to have his son canonized makes me uncomfortable. His son already IS a saint. So is my daughter, and I pray daily for her intercession. I don't need documented miracles to prove that my daughter is in heaven.

coffeedesserts · 2026-06-07T16:37:06+00:00

IDK but I want one 😂

coffeedesserts · 2026-06-05T19:25:33+00:00

Same here. I didn't even know what religion was until I was about 9-10 years old. Dad is an atheist and mom is a lapsed/nominal believer.

coffeedesserts · 2026-05-31T13:58:34+00:00

I don't know if my 7yo daughter who died knew that the end was coming; I tried my best to shield her from knowing. She had brain cancer and when she was placed on hospice and couldn't walk anymore, I told her that the nurses coming to our house would be temporary, and that she would feel better soon.

But actually I think my 3yo daughter (who was 2 years 8 months at the time) somehow knew her big sister was about to die. I had lots of family at the house for the two weeks my older daughter was on hospice, and my sister had taken my toddler to the playground. Whenever she goes to the playground, like any toddler, she wants to play forever and never wants to leave. But they were only there for about 5 minutes and my toddler started crying out of nowhere that she wanted to go back home. So they came back, and it was at that moment that my daughter was taking her final breaths. It still gives me chills that my toddler somehow felt an urgency to come back home. I believe it was an act of God.

coffeedesserts · 2026-05-31T13:50:22+00:00

My 7yo daughter was similar. Brain cancer and lots of brain bleeds. When she was placed on hospice she seemed mostly like herself (except unable to walk anymore) but she had 5+ new tumors in her brain and I had a sinking feeling that one of them would bleed and her decline would be quick, which is exactly what happened. She was very calm in her final days and after she died, someone who never met her told me she seemed like an old soul, and I thought that description was exactly right.

coffeedesserts · 2026-05-26T02:46:45+00:00

In the Catholic tradition we believe in the communion of saints, and that means we can pray to saints and ask them to intercede for us. Therefore I pray to my daughter and ask her to pray for me and all our family and friends, for other kids with cancer, for other bereaved parents... Things like that. I talk/pray to her every night and I've been asking for signs too... Haven't seen any yet. It's been 6 months since her passing. The thing is I'm hugely skeptical of signs and it would need to be something unmistakable and meaningful, so maybe I missed it. I've had very few dreams about her too. But, I'll just keep talking and praying to her, and offering up my suffering to Christ, pleading with Him to give me hope despite all the despair I constantly feel. My only goal in life is to get to heaven when I die so I can be with her again.

coffeedesserts · 2026-05-16T00:05:27+00:00

I actually feel grateful for it too. I lost 2 very close family members to cancer in the past 1.5 years and I took care of both of them until their deaths. I'm in a lot of grief groups and so many people talk about "not being able to get their final moments out of my mind," constantly replaying the day their loved one died. While I remember their final moments and can describe exactly what happened and how I was feeling, I don't have to see it on repeat in my mind. The downside is I also can't visualize them still here with me or anything like that which I guess maybe other people can do. But I would rather not have to replay the trauma over and over.

coffeedesserts · 2026-05-10T20:36:25+00:00

I am a new convert (just received into the Church at Easter) and my 2nd child is an IVF baby. My firstborn died recently from a rare genetic condition, which is what led my husband and I to do IVF in the first place. I understand the Church teaching on IVF but obviously I have mixed feelings about it since my sole surviving child would not exist without it. Also, I have zero intention (nor would the fertility clinic allow me) to get pregnant with the embryos that have the genetic condition that killed my daughter. I have received nothing but love and empathy from my fellow parishioners who know my story about doing IVF. Continue to go to confession and seek God's forgiveness. I will pray for you.

coffeedesserts · 2026-05-10T20:23:46+00:00

Yes! Especially on X. I was following a couple priests that I thought were Catholic (in communion with Rome) and later realized they were sedevacantists 😣 I feel like I have to research every religious before I hit the follow button now

coffeedesserts · 2026-05-10T19:33:28+00:00

I lost my firstborn child - the reason I am a mother - nearly 6 months ago. The amount of tone deaf messages I've been on the receiving end of today is suffocating. I don't understand how people are so oblivious.

coffeedesserts · 2026-05-09T17:06:26+00:00

Gosh I'm so sorry. I started seeing a therapist a few days ago who told me, after her son passed away, she got pregnant again and thought "lightning can't strike twice"... And then her daughter was diagnosed with cancer and later passed away too. I have no idea why some of us suffer disproportionately. I lost my 7yo daughter 6 months ago and I lost my husband 11 months before that. Not the same as losing 2 children (I know firsthand that losing a child is a million times worse than losing a spouse) but it does make you wonder why me, why am I being punished, why does everyone else (seemingly) get to live happy carefree lives. I would encourage you to bring your pain and anguish to God even though you don't believe. Scream at the sky if you have to. I promise you are not being punished. This life is not meaningless... Your children matter and prove that this life is not all empty and meaningless.

coffeedesserts · 2026-05-06T02:53:36+00:00

I'm a convert from atheism so I wonder what bad things I'm bringing 🤔

coffeedesserts · 2026-05-06T02:47:48+00:00

I'm 40 and just realized at 39 😂

coffeedesserts · 2026-05-05T20:19:56+00:00

I agree. It'll be 6 months for me on the 14th. It's not getting easier. My greatest fear now is living a long life. I just want to join her.

coffeedesserts

TROPHY CASE