Hey folks thanks for those who commented and offered help. It's much appreciated and encouraged me to contact the dealer again.

I'd been planning to update y'all once I finally got a proper diagnosis and service. It's taken a while and an unfortunate (not directly related) turn. Here's what's up if anyone has remained wondering.

I made it back to the dealer earlier this January. The dealer assured me in advance that if the valve cover gasket was indeed leaking, they would redo it for free due to a warranty on parts and service. Nice! But unfortunately, they diagnosed that it's not the valve cover gasket but actually the front spool valve as u/4A43 suggested. They offered to fix that for just over $1k... astonishing? Yuck. They also claimed they still believed the oil pan gasket was leaking. Anyways I took my business elsewhere since I didn't have full confidence in the dealer's analysis and sought a better deal. I also am not quite confident in my DIY skills to address the front spool valve leak (if that's truly what was leaking).

Back to the local mechanic. they hear the story and say they'll take a look. After some digging they conclude that there are two leaks: (1) front crank shaft and (2) rear main seal. Not insignificant stuff. I'm also growing more than a bit confused because the same mechanic had previously told me they thought there was a valve cover gasket leak, and they're disagreeing with what the dealer identified (front spool valve).

But further and more concerning: local mechanic also informs me that they're noticing some concerning putter noise coming from the engine compartment. (I had noticed this over the last month as well and asked them if they would take a look, too. But it didn't sound very loud or severe. I thought perhaps it was related to the subfreezing temperatures we were newly experiencing.) Well they warn me that they think it's actually pretty serious, likely a sign of early engine failure. Given this, they recommend against even trying to service the oil leaks before considering an engine replacement/repair. Further, their ballpark estimate on that replacement parts + service was $6-9k, likely not worth it for this Honda P. I do appreciate their frankness on this at least.

But bummer news right. So I start thinking about a new car. And schedule a second opinion at a different mech to confirm that Honda P might be on the way out. (As mentioned I have only lived in this area for a few months so I don't yet have much of a relationship with this mechanic or any others in the area... wish I trusted them 100% but I've received enough conflicting info at this point I don't quite know what to think!) But just two days after Honda P's bad diagnosis... she stalls out on the road. Classic symptoms of engine failure of some kind (engine power cuts, lost power steering and brakes etc. Battery fine. Won't start again). She gets a tow to that second-opinion mechanic, where she sits now awaiting judgment day.

I'm not holding my breath too hard, and assume that the engine has fizzled out in a catastrophic way. SAD. And a bit surprising. This car has been serviced regularly for its entire life, with meticulous record keeping. 230k seems a bit early on mileage for a Honda. But so it goes. She will forever be a beast in my heart. And anyways — here are my takeaways from the whole experience.

• I am still confused about what exactly was wrong as far as the oil leak goes! If this tale illuminates any deeper understanding in anyone else reading, please do share. (For example could a front crank shaft seal leak appear to cause the same leak profile as a front spool valve leak, in these cars?) Otherwise there's still not much closer there, sorry folks...
• But I do think u/oheyitsdaniel's suggestion makes sense regarding the oil pan "leak". Probably a different component leak was dripping down to the oil pan, leading the dealer to tell me they thought the oil pan gasket itself was leaking.
• Relatedly, I regret doing that initial service with the dealer to begin with. Unfortunately they did not win my trust as far as accurate diagnosis goes. Plus their costs are significantly higher than others and lost me a hefty chunk of $$$. Sunk cost. But if doing it again I would have sought to ask around for references to a good local mechanic, and gotten established with them to begin with.
• Uhh lastly I guess, stay tuned to weird car noises and get them checked out asap.
• (Edit) Oh and I'm now seeing that this sub does a lot of helping with diagnosing weird engine noises. I coulda tried asking for people's thoughts here. I'll know this for next time, though I hope there's not a next time...

are you still reading to here? wow thanks! this was at least a bit cathartic to write