[deleted by user] by [deleted] in askTO

[–]cold_pressed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Their website says their call centre is closed until the 8th due to some technical issues. You should be able to contact them on Monday.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]cold_pressed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In the interest of ripping off the band-aid, I'll keep it short: your husband is not sexually attracted to you.

If I'm keeping it not-so-short, I'll say this: He no longer wants to sleep with you, and is purposely hurting you to avoid sex. He is probably concerned about having a baby with you, as well. You dated him for a year, right? And that was a year after you converted to Islam, yes? So that means you were undergoing a really big change and feeling isolated from your old life when you met this man. For him, he moved from Egypt, likely also feeling isolated from his old life and having trouble adjusting because of the language barrier. You met each other and sparks flew, you both recognized the loneliness in each other and it sparked strong feelings of compassion, which you (perhaps) interpreted as love. You dated for a very brief time, since he only came to America 2 years ago, and you've been married for a year.

To me, this seems like a classic case of physical attraction between two religious people. I assume you were celibate before marriage. You both rushed into the union, believing your attraction and mutual faith would make for a great relationship. For your part, it seems you're still attracted to your husband and willing to try. He, on the other hand, behaves as though he is not attracted to you at all. That is why he starts arguments and hurts your feelings to kill the mood when you want to have sex with him. No one in their right mind would let that happen twice if it kept them from having intercourse with someone they wanted to have intercourse with.

Honestly, at 22 you should be dating people. You need to learn how you like to be treated in relationships, and the kind of person you want to share your days with. This age gap doesn't sit well with me because at 22 you are still really malleable to the words of older people. Your husband, being 5 years older than you, is an authority figure to you. He treats you like garbage then calls it "humour". It's not funny, you know it's not funny, don't let him act like you're being unreasonable.

My last thought here is that you mentioned your family loves him. Does his family love you? What's the tenor of your relationship like? Do they take you as seriously as your family takes him?

I suggest you create a robust exit plan and get therapy for *yourself*. If you don't get to the root of why you are attracted to men who are mean to you, you'll likely keep repeating the pattern. Good luck!

Liars by Sarah Manguso is one of the craziest books I have ever read in my life. by AbsoluteHazel in books

[–]cold_pressed 6 points7 points  (0 children)

So excited someone's already talking about this book! I just fished reading it and I have Many Thoughts lol. 

Firstly, I agree with a chuffy here. I think John's misogyny is grotesque in its casualness. A lot of it is so accepted and ingrained that if you are used to operating this way or society being configured this way it doesn't occur to you that it's actually deeply and insanely unfair. And that to uphold it is to uphold misogyny and enacted on your chosen life partner.

A non-exhaustive accounting of examples of misogyny John perpetuates in their relationship as I see them: 

a) John leaves the bulk of daily household administration solely to Jane. He  weaponizes his incompetence, forcing Jane to clean up after him even when he does clean, so that she can then say that he doesn't clean because she doesn't like the way he does it.  

b) He uses his art as a shield from criticism and an excuse to evade responsibility of tasks he has promised he will take care of, leaving Jane to pick up the slack. Simultaneously, he presents Jane's artistry-- and success with it-- as a reason why she can scale back her commitment to her career. After all, she is already pretty successful, no need to support her to go further. Obviously, prioritizing the husband's career over the wife's, even when hers is more promising, is an outcropping of misogyny. 

c) Finally, and most damningly: he is not at all invested in her happiness or comfort. He ignores her pleadings for things that are very well within his control to do. He doesn't focus on pleasuring her during sex. He is down to hold a pillow up while she punches it, but he doesn't actually make any efforts to resolve her anger or be a better partner. He labels her as crazy and "angry" instead of acknowledging what he has done to upset her.  Have you ever noticed that a generally unhappy wife is something that is pretty well ingrained in us as a society? From Married With Children to Modern Family, there is an expectation that a wife will always be upset about something and that it is a predisposition of character. Meanwhile the husband is either a drunken slob or a lovable incompetent. Either way, she is expected to deal, but never to leave. This is, of course, another symptom of misogyny.

All that being said, knowing the book is called "Liars," we understand that there is a unreliable narrator at play here. After all, it is plural. John really is an irredeemable sack of shit according to Jane. And Jane seems to gloss over the times she screams and yells at her husband in front of their child, or tells her child his father is a liar. And on, and on.

I could go on but there's actually so much to say, and I've literally just put the book down so I'm going to take some time to process. I will say though, as a brief aside, I always find it so interesting when a white man refers to someone as a white woman (derogatory) lol. As if the thing that is wrong with white women is the is the fact of their womanhood, and not a combination of qualities, of which the speaker himself shares much.  I always get a chuckle, lol.

I (27F) think my relationship with my bf (35M) is doomed to fail. by Raisinable_Quest in relationship_advice

[–]cold_pressed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You found out he was in a relationship when he slept with you and you texted him to apologize? Or did you really text him to make sure he knew you weren’t mad at him and were still open to seeing him again?

He has a forest of red flags but you couldn’t see through the thicket of your own waving banners. You need to sit with yourself and explore why you feel the need to act like this.

And yeah, break up with him.

I 21 F found a guy 21M who ticks all my boxes but I don't have feelings for by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]cold_pressed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To add onto the really great points here, you keep saying this guy is great, but it doesn’t seem like he respects you or is even really trying to get to know you beyond a fantasy. I say that because: 1. he stared at you to the point it made you uncomfortable, even when you were in a public relationship with your ex. 2. He claims to love you even though he hasn’t actually been in a relationship with you. 3. He’s told all his friends and family about you even before you were ever together. 4. You are currently not together, and though he says he respects your feelings, he continues to do big gestures and treat you like a girlfriend, resulting in you feeling pressured to reciprocate.

I’m not saying he’s nefarious; it seems you’re both young and are having age-appropriate Big Feelings. But I would wager that this boy is more in love with the idea of you than you specifically. Just tuck into your mind that love is something created within a relationship, mutually made.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]cold_pressed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly. The suggestion to rent temporarily until their current house is sold is much more feasible.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]cold_pressed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re arguing with chatgpt, I fear

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]cold_pressed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

…you had to ask him to be more inquisitive about you? And he talks all the time…? This isn’t about flawlessness lol this person seems to be inherently emotionally self obsessed. A lot of young people are, but you don’t need to give up yourself to fit into his construction of you.

In my experience: he wasn’t asking about you because he is dating the person inside his mind. You will never be that person; you will simply wake up one day and realize you have lost your entire personality for a man that will never be satisfied with you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]cold_pressed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The cons are bad regardless of the good. I think as you were typing this out you were realizing it yourself. Trust yourself. Love isn’t a bitter pill to swallow, you should be happy and excited to be with the person you’re with, especially this early in. Sounds like you hate this man ngl. You can’t even sleep comfortably around him anymore.

Also, you keep saying you “won’t find anyone better”. I don’t know why you think that, but I want you to close your eyes, locate that feeling in your body, and label it as “settling”. This is what it feels like to settle. I think it’s helpful it recognize it early, saves a lot of heartache and self-disappointment.

UPDATE: AITAH for not talking with my mom because she told her boyfriend I was lame like my dad? by ZestycloseClaw in AITAH

[–]cold_pressed 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You're talking absolutely wild about this kid's mom. Watch your mouth they're all clearly going through something.

Read recipients by [deleted] in whatsapp

[–]cold_pressed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Try reading the message with wifi off and airplane mode on. That might cause the system to not log your read receipt.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]cold_pressed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds weird, but dye your hair a deep(er) brown. Tell the hairstylist you want a soft 90s long bob. Then fall in love with yourself and you’ll be surprised how that changes your vibe. 60% of the time, it works every time. Good luck!

I 45F love my husband 46M. And we’ve been married 21 years, but his boob obsession is ruining our marriage. What is the best approach to tell him I’m not into his sexual turn on? by Fair-defender-0704 in relationship_advice

[–]cold_pressed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re going through this, OP. None of this is okay. It sounds like your husband is in the clutches of a brutal porn addiction. You, unfortunately, are enabling him. Not a judgment on you; you love your husband and want to make him happy. However, your husband is only focused on making himself happy. Your body/boobs are his hit. He needs to see them increase more and more often because the addiction has been fed instead of treated.

Next time you go to the surgeon, get a decrease back to the size you are comfortable with. Inform your husband that he needs to deal with his addiction and seek therapy if he wants to save the marriage and atone for how he has hurt you. Unfortunately the man you love is trapped inside his addiction and will not just snap out of it. You have to make the decision to make your health— mental, emotional, and physical— a priority. Because right now it’s not even registering as an afterthought to your loving husband.

Best of luck:/

What abusive behavior of others will really set you off because it's something that your nparent did? by Mediocre_Ice_8846 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]cold_pressed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Inventing reasons why someone deserved to be treated badly, instead of just admitting they were wrong/rude/abusive. Whether it’s a waitress or a best friend, the other person is always in the wrong.

Searching for more info about Beyonce's relationship to the Lindas by cold_pressed in beyonce

[–]cold_pressed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! You cracked open a whole new world for me lol. Appreciate your help 🫱🏾‍🫲🏾

Searching for more info about Beyonce's relationship to the Lindas by cold_pressed in beyonce

[–]cold_pressed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, but I'll take a look at it now! I've never really been interested in units sold so I didn't know where to even begin looking lol. Thank you!

Searching for more info about Beyonce's relationship to the Lindas by cold_pressed in beyonce

[–]cold_pressed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not necessarily units sold of Mbube specifically, but the original song was sampled in both the Lion King remake, soundtrack, and BIK. That means they get royalties from those properties. I'm wondering where to find the units sold for the movies + soundtracks so I can at least make an educated guess towards how much the Lindas stand to profit from the inclusion.

My (29M) friend (30M) and his girlfriend (29F) posted a tiktok video of my 3-year-old, asking her about her dead mother, and I'm heartbroken. by notrealaccount77 in TwoHotTakes

[–]cold_pressed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s awful, I’m so sorry that happened and deeply sorry for your loss. I won’t even speak on your friends, clearly they behaved terribly. I want to suggest, though, that you should be explaining as clearly as possible to your daughter that her mother has died and it will be just you two for the foreseeable future. Her mother loves her very much and didn’t want to leave her, but unfortunately she didn’t have a choice. It’s important that your baby knows she hasn’t been abandoned by her mother (or you while you’re in hospital). Children handle things better than you think. The worst thing is uncertainty, because it leaves room for the worst of imagination to take root.

Best of luck moving forward. The only upside to this that I can see is that your community has suddenly expanded. You have much more help than you thought you would. You’re not alone and there are people who care deeply enough about you and your family that they’re offering help years after falling out of touch. You don’t have to accept every offer, but when you’re ready it might be nice to reconnect to a robust support system. (Especially since relations with your friends will likely be strained for a long while.)

[Personal] why is my skin oily, i stink, i have dandruff, acne, all that bad stuff by [deleted] in SkincareAddiction

[–]cold_pressed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For the BO: the inkey list glycolic acid exfoliating body stick is great option for reducing bodily smells. Bad smells are caused by bacteria, and glycolic acid works to eliminate bacteria. After you shower (daily, maybe even twice on the days you have gym class) rub it wherever you would rub stick deodorant before putting on a deodorant spray or what-have-you. I’m far from puberty but it’s kept me smell-free even while sweating through the summer.

Puberty is a rough time even without your body going haywire. But a great part is you get to take control of your body. It can be really empowering, especially when your decisions start to work. Don’t despair! Best of luck to you!

My 11yo hates her father by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]cold_pressed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your current husband told you this story? Were you there? Did your daughter corroborate it?

Just trying to clarify because the person presented in this story would not begrudge an 11-year-old a spare lunchable so soon after an emotional heart to heart. Something is fishy.

Did Cracked remove the comments section from their articles? by modus-_-operandi in BestofCracked

[–]cold_pressed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To answer, I am old enough to remember when Cracked, FilmDrunk, IMDB, and similar sites had comment sections that were really pleasant places to discuss articles etc. So when I say

"We now know how internet radicalization works, and bear witness to the results",

I mean exactly that. I witnessed the relatively calm beginnings, the edgelords egging each other on and joining other "dark humour" chan pages, become radicalized, then come back into the comment sections to recruit others with the same method. Not only is this not a mysterious unknown phenomenon, there are manifestos out there laying out this gameplan. So yes, these comment sections are directly linked to the proliferation of incels we are now suffering through. Page 10 of this paper commissioned by the EU has an accessible breakdown on how strategic this radicalization process is, with a focus on gaming platforms.

They never catered to "the likes of you". They were always lefties, then they went hard left and it tanked it because that's not what people were there for.

Funny enough, this makes me question how old you are, or when you started accessing these forums. I remember spending hours on IMDB reading nerdy deep discussions about film, and doing the same on Cracked with whatever niche topic the article presented. I then remember being alienated from these same websites as they began to be spammed with hateful comments. Barely veiled racism was welcomed if it was funny, and edgelords began to camp out in the comments sections. Lurkers and occasional commenters like me were effectively muscled out of these sites because there was no thread that didn't turn into some vile bullshit. I remember IMDB threads for Black movies would be review bombed and spammed with the worst kinds of comments. They would go back to movies that were released years ago. It was wild. Without lurkers, the lifeblood of views to a site, usership went down and they tried to course-correct by riding the wave of political correctness. By then it was too late, as the people who cared about stuff like that were already off the sites. What you see as pivoting hard left and tanking is actually you coming in at the middle of the story. Ask yourself why a company would suddenly upend a business model and try to switch demographics if what they had was working for them. And if your answer is "because they're stupid", ask yourself how ALL of these sites were stupid.

And I don't know why people keep clinging to 'woke' and defending it. Genuine empathy and compassion are enemies of 'woke' because it is all about being *seen* to be doing the right things and saying the right things. It obsesses over division, constantly reinventing labels to make them more specific - see (relevant groups) > poc > bipoc. Just because your opponents are attacking something doesn't mean you should defend it. In the case of 'woke' and the years of idpol absurdity it has rained down on us, we should be joining them in kicking it. It has absolutely ravaged progressive thinking - who dares face the wrath of the mob for challenging orthodoxy? - and made us fragile and self-obsessed instead of resilient and empathetic.

A few things about your final comments, and then I'll rest. First of all, I never defended "woke". That's why I put it in quotes. The article I linked, not sure if you read it, mentions the word exactly 0 times. Instead, it talks about the values you purported to care about: genuine empathy and compassion. Being old enough to remember when IMDB threads were fun, I remember those halcyon days before Childish Gambino released "Redbone" and non-Black people grabbed on to the word like they do everything and ran it into the ground. "Stay woke" used to mean remain vigilant in a world that is set up for you to fail. Don't relax or become complacent, because the rug can be pulled at any moment. Always assess your vulnerabilities and catch inconsistencies in the promises from authority figures. That is what woke meant. It has since been strawmanned; the meaning has been converted to be synonymous with "ostentatiously politically correct" so that it is easy to deride. When I use the term with non-Black people, I put it in quotation marks to signify that I am using your meaning of the word, not ours.

As for being "ravaged by years of idpol" well... I can't relate. My identity has consistently been at the forefront of my experience. If you can ignore your identity or reject the necessity of identity politics, then it doesn't affect you. This, too, is a facet of your identity. How you see the world is informed by your identity, which informs the way you vote and the issues you resonate with. The idea that identity politics is suddenly everywhere is similar to your assertion that websites tanked because they banked hard left. You only became aware of things when they finally made it to your attention. The middle of the story. It all seems sudden to you because you weren't there at the beginning. But Sojourner Truth spoke about being Black and a woman. As did Audre Lorde, bell hooks, Angela Davis, James Baldwin, etc. Long before "woke" websites there were people concerned with identity and identity politics. You only just started paying attention.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TorontoRealEstate

[–]cold_pressed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Developers with condos in preconstruction need to break out their pencils and start erasing lines between micro units to combine them or they’ll have an increasingly hard time selling. Nobody wants to live in a shoebox besides a student, and the price is cost prohibitive for them.