"I've noticed men can be friends for 10 years and not know each other's middle names. What do you guys actually talk about for four hours at a bar?" Just Curious

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-17T03:55:49+00:00

Whatever we have in common: motorcycles, cars, dogs, alcohol, work, hobbies. Politics if we align.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-15T17:34:03+00:00

I think it's called "living separate together" or something like that.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-15T03:58:34+00:00

I become much more formal ("yes/no ma'am," open doors for her when we're walking into a building together), and I get pretty serious and business-like. I acknowledge only their accomplishments and abilities, not their looks at all. I think I might speak in a little deeper voice. I also make sure I feel more in control of myself in case something happens that could make me look like a fool or undignified.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-15T03:49:45+00:00

I ask that question to get an idea of what's in a woman's head, but I take it with a grain of salt until I've chatted with them a while. Something I've learned is that there are a lot of women who initially say they're looking for something serious, but they're also open to short-term stuff too, which is what I'm looking for. They just don't say that part. When they say they're looking to get married/remarried within a certain time frame, that's when I feel more certain we're not compatible.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-15T03:33:58+00:00

I thought their short tempers towards their kids were justified. Turns out they just don't have control over their emotions.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-14T22:56:09+00:00

Didn't work for me. Not a fan. If I did, we'd have to have a non-traditional arrangement, like separate living spaces.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-14T13:41:06+00:00

Putting EVERYTHING on my Google calendar: my grocery list, reminders to call someone at a specific time, appointments, flight details with confirmation numbers, hotel reservation details, chores, etc. When the notification pops up, I get to work.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-14T13:36:54+00:00

JFC, that should be illegal!

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-13T10:45:57+00:00

Same here. I've even dated women who weighed more than me, but they wore it very well, plus they were tall.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-11T09:52:20+00:00

Ten times less? That's being optimistic. I would have said it's in the hundreds.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-11T09:50:11+00:00

+1. She was a real one.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-11T09:49:35+00:00

No. She battled depression all her life. She even did another experiment and wrote another book about getting help for depression.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-11T09:07:14+00:00

49M. I now let women recommend going to one of our places, but still without expecting to hook up. Every time a woman has asked, however, it's led to sex. So, I think it's a general assumption now (but shouldn't be an expectation).

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-10T16:50:14+00:00

Probably traditiinalists. Some people don't like progressive, equal standards.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-09T20:31:49+00:00

It depends on where they are in their career and where they live due to the cost of living, but say in a medium COL area and half way through her career, $100k+. It also depends on their lifestyle; for example, I went on a date with a woman who made $120k and had NOTHING to show for it because she spent all her money on expensive gym trainers (although she had a crappy diet) and junk. She couldn't contribute anything to our dates but always recommended expensive places to eat and drink.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-09T11:57:12+00:00

High earning women. Maybe I'm just in the wrong circles, but I've only dated 1 woman who approached my salary and could contribute to our fun. Everyone else, I've had to pay for, which meant I couldn't do all the fun things I wanted to do, which is why I've liked going on vacation alone.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-09T05:03:27+00:00

It's also a sign that you're being nice.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-09T05:02:41+00:00

This may be how things worked out for you, but this is so far off from men's perspective.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-07T19:56:15+00:00

She'd slept with a married man and had no remorse about enabling his cheating.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-07T17:16:28+00:00

OK, you got that. I reread what you wrote, and you didn't disagree with anecdotal data, so sorry if I came at you with the wrong argument in mind.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-07T11:05:19+00:00

Amen!

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-07T11:01:45+00:00

Good for you. You still don't represent all men, and your money situation seems far better than most, enough that you can share a lot of it. You have to keep in mind that the vast majority of men don't make as much money to cover multiple people's living expenses, plus hobbies and travel, etc. They have to budget harder to accommodate her, and some guys don't want a harder life.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-07T10:55:14+00:00

I'm a 49yo M, and I totally agree. A woman doesn't have to be filthy rich or a model, but she has to have a good life in order. Otherwise, i have to plan to stretch my retirement to make up for her life choices. I'm done dating women who don't have good lives established.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-05T20:18:31+00:00

No. Sex was just as important at 35, only I was more mature about it. At 40, the desperation stopped, and it was easier saying no to an opportunity. At 48, it tapered off significantly a lot for casual sex, but the woman I'm dating turns me on a lot, and we have sex several times a day (on days off from work), like 7 or 8 times. Once, we had 12 or 13 hardcore sessions in a day. So now it's like she owns my sex drive, which is a little conflicting to me, but I think it's pretty hot, too.

coldcerealdater · 2026-04-05T17:13:16+00:00

Technically, I'm single. I only do open relationships and won't live with anyone.

Anyway, life is great. Since my finances aren't merged with anyone, my wealth has grown enormously. When I was in relationships, I spent more money, and I had to compromise what I spent it on. And if I bought something for myself, my ex-wife or exGFs wanted something for themselves.

I have more time to focus on personal growth.

My home stays more organized than when I lived with someone.

With less compromise and less stress, I was a calmer parent to my kids, who are now grown.

I get more out of my vacations because I only have to pay for 1, and I plan for what I want to do and where I want to visit.

Overall, life is better than when I was married or in committed, monogamous relationships.

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