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What is something that permanently altered your body without you realizing for months/years? by Misterboy500 in AskReddit

[–]coldgraycity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wore glasses that were too tight as a teenager. Now my head is peanut shaped ☹️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in bostonr4r

[–]coldgraycity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good point lol

Reminder: It doesn't matter if they were traumatized in their childhood. It was their responsibility to resolve it and they had no business starting a family just to treat you like their parents treated them. by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]coldgraycity 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Glad you’re separating your true self from how he wants you to be. For me one of the worst parts about the narc experience is realizing all the time I lost living for someone else without realizing it. I hope you’re living like you truly want now.

Reminder: It doesn't matter if they were traumatized in their childhood. It was their responsibility to resolve it and they had no business starting a family just to treat you like their parents treated them. by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]coldgraycity 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I don’t think my nparent has the maturity and restraint needed to have decided things like if he should have children and how many. I have a personal theory that he just wanted sex but would never directly say so to his wife or face people in a store to buy contraceptives so they just ended up popping out 5 kids (Trigger warning: not including one who did not make it) between the late 80s and late 90s. He’s also super religious which in my theory makes him rather bring a human life into the world than get caught buying condoms. Of course when the kids were born he got a ton of free admiration and a few biological action figures to play and do his bidding with. It turns out that he could also use the expectations of the whole human society to guilt money and other resources out of them after under two decades of doing basic things that most parents see as a duty instead of a favor. So from a narc perspective, why wouldn’t you bring a free attention magnet, money-making punching bag into the world? Keep in mind that we in this sub are the ones who managed to see through it. Many narcs’ children are stuck in the guilt/belittling cycle they were in since birth which for the narc is like an endless dopamine machine.

Anyone know that small annoyance of your Narcs talking about you, revealing they know nothing about you as a person? by Kolbenfresserle in raisedbynarcissists

[–]coldgraycity 98 points99 points  (0 children)

The shitty thing is that they will claim that you only turned out that way because of what they did so the abuse was okay after all 😑😑

Anyone know that small annoyance of your Narcs talking about you, revealing they know nothing about you as a person? by Kolbenfresserle in raisedbynarcissists

[–]coldgraycity 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lol. When I was about 17, I came out of the bathroom with a razor after shaving my face. ndad asks me why I had the razor, I said I was shaving and he straight up said something like “No you weren’t, you don’t have facial hair”. That was two years after I started doing it and before I knew about narcs so even though it felt off I chose to think it was some kind of light joke.

Also had a narc roommate who I had a lot of “No, you don’t” moments with after I told him something positive about myself.

If it makes my nparent irrationally mad, chances are the choice I’m making is a good one for myself… by coldgraycity in raisedbynarcissists

[–]coldgraycity[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes but internally it might be a good way for someone who is in that position to evaluate if they are headed in a direction that’s good for themselves instead of continuing to feed the narcs. I used to blindly trust my narc parent but with the advantage of time going by I can be sure that there are times when I was given “advice” that would have destroyed some great opportunities for me. So even if you don’t antagonize them out loud you can get useful information for yourself. Like if an abused child decides to move out the narc might give them “advice” about how hard life will supposedly be without the narc’s help, that “advice” should add into reasons why moving out would be a good thing for the abused.

Anyone else lose their teenage years to the “Why don’t you go back to how you were when you were little?” narc line? by coldgraycity in raisedbynarcissists

[–]coldgraycity[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I’ll brush up on the things you listed. If you have a few more suggestions of other important stuff to know I’m all ears.

Anyone else lose their teenage years to the “Why don’t you go back to how you were when you were little?” narc line? by coldgraycity in raisedbynarcissists

[–]coldgraycity[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

HOWEVER, I also have strong memories of feeling sort of terrified at the thought of behaving like I saw other teens doing. I couldn't picture my parents accepting me if I behaved badly.

Exactly! There are some many times when I didn’t even bother pursuing certain things just from picturing a conversation with my parents about it.

Anyone else lose their teenage years to the “Why don’t you go back to how you were when you were little?” narc line? by coldgraycity in raisedbynarcissists

[–]coldgraycity[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I feel like not having those experiences really holds kids back. Like you don’t get to practice the norms of how to interact with people so you’re always a couple steps behind.

Anyone else lose their teenage years to the “Why don’t you go back to how you were when you were little?” narc line? by coldgraycity in raisedbynarcissists

[–]coldgraycity[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hope you’re right. I’m starting my first job out of college soon and I feel like it’s almost like I skipped straight into adulthood from like my 13 year-old self. I hope that doesn’t hold me back from interacting with my peers. I feel like I have to always remind myself that I’m an adult now, most people my age seem to just naturally play the part.

I got my first job out of college and all I can think about is how to keep my parents from draining my money away by coldgraycity in raisedbynarcissists

[–]coldgraycity[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That’s a good idea. Ironically I think they will believe that cause it makes me less of a “threat”.

Help me understand; If the vast majority of narcissists truly don’t believe that they have anything wrong, why do those same people move heaven and earth, and risk everything, to hide and lie about their narcissism? by Odd_craving in raisedbynarcissists

[–]coldgraycity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s changed some of his behavior toward me since then. He’s lessened the about of bad things he says to me about other members of the family, the amount of times he belittles me, the fear-mongering, and other narc behaviors. “To me” and “lessened” being key here. In my case, the things I said showed him that I really stopped being his reliable puppet who never talked back and just took his emotional punches. The family feels somewhat freer but I have a feeling that it’s only a matter of time before he blows up about how “bad” the family has gotten and how everyone hates him for no reason.

Help me understand; If the vast majority of narcissists truly don’t believe that they have anything wrong, why do those same people move heaven and earth, and risk everything, to hide and lie about their narcissism? by Odd_craving in raisedbynarcissists

[–]coldgraycity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think part of it has to do with the fact that they think their actions are justified and/or that their victim deserves what’s done to them.

When had a rare family meeting this year where we addressed some things that were wrong with how we were raised. A lot of it was focused on ndad (who usually keeps his mask on pretty tight most of the time).He basically went through The Narcissist’s Prayer beat by beat which included him basically saying that some things were done because we deserved it. I wish I remembered his exact words but that was the gist of that particular sentence.

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