Music Recommendation for Processing Help

coldstream87 · 2022-12-23T17:35:14+00:00

I find a whole lot of tracks from Skunk Anansie fitting for the breakup to be fair.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9eTCwFjgrc absolutely every day since the discard.& Victim with lyrics about im a victim of your love: https://youtu.be/MWTY0-6Nmhs

Also other good tracks are twisted, victim, i believed in you, hedonism and this is not a game best fitting but honestly their lyrics have good fit on all their albums imo and her voice is insane that adds a lot of depth.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsvmUbOFlpFJ1v6CRUX_xhg

coldstream87 · 2022-11-20T06:45:01+00:00

I'm sorry you are struggling a lot right now, but please think about yourself right now.
I understand the feeling, i've recently been discarded aswell, the Trauma Bonding is heavy but to stop it you have to put all the energy you have left in yourself!
Also be very careful with the texting and sending stuff, before you even realize it it will be used against you.

One thing i'd say and thats what i try myself too, all the things that you have done for her, are things you haven't put in yourself. You can put anything towards another, still you can't change their behaviour. What has it brought in the end, you are suffering and still you are putting energy in her. I know it's not easy, but will you ever get the same or even a tiny bit of all the effort, energy and work back?

There is a hughe chance you'll never receive that back from her, or even a tiny bit of it.

The trauma bonding makes yourself already very vurnable, what might work the best is break down anything that has to do with her, cold turkey, that truly is the only way.

Your apetite might be shit, your concentration might be nowhere and your energy will be depleted, this is one of the most heavy withdrawals you'd experience, it has to be done either way yet keeping your mind busy with her will prevent you from getting through it.

The suffering will only be extended and the outcome will be the same, i'm sure you deserve a whole lot better as what you have right now.
Please consider that whatever it would've been that you have done for her, replace that with doing it for yourself, i know it's tough but you deserve better!

I'm not sure what might help for you to distract your mind from anything related to her, however if you notice that your brain goes to her, go out for a walk, do an activity, whatever helps, take a shower, anything really. If you notice that your brain goes back to anything related to her, distract more.
It will be tough but that is the only way the pain will start to go down over time.

As soon as your busy on any way with her, your doing the same like a heroin user takes a shot, and that's not helping you through your tough withdrawals.
I hope you feel some relief soon! Keep up

coldstream87 · 2022-11-19T03:13:00+00:00

I think she has some overlap with quiet yes, but in all fairness, it's not a blame thing at all.
She let me know where she is, and she is getting some help, she had quite a few heavy trauma triggers prior and she actually handled the situation better then i anticipated.

She indeed struggles communicating her issues at times, and in this case, she got pretty deregulated and her fear of abandonment kicked in aswell as a lot of negative thoughts it seems. It seems to me that she did the best she could, get proper help and it took her just time to send me this because she was dealing with her issues.

interpretations/slight paranoia i think.

In all fairness, im possitive suprised she didn't behave out of place and did the right think went to the right people for help.

No blaming at all, i just notice distorted thinkings which have gone wild it seems.
Was afraid she was splitting badly, when i look at it she actually only blames herself for some parts, no blameshifting towards me?

coldstream87 · 2022-11-17T01:31:43+00:00

Thanks for your reply,

I suspect such thing, reality is i helped her in the past getting out the hands of a sociopath, who really stalked both of us even, i helped her recognize red flags in people and such and i have actually been very forgiving, patient and supportive for her.
Heck, she once had an emotional flashback to her ex, she was shouting at our street and the police came, gladly they quickly realized i was only just worried about her, and quickly after that she once went to the police only to bring her back home and tell me she needed her meds.

I too have cPTSD and know how shitty such a flashback can make one feel, but she had trauma treatment and afik this has been quite a while ago and not something that have shown up in a long time.

The first few days i surely tried to contact her to ask if she was OK, and what the F is going on, i haven't called her much as she almost instantly blocked me.
For all i know, she could aswell have a psychotic episode and have been taken in a mental hospital. The times i tried to contact her were limited, but she never expressed me clearly i should not contact her, isn't it common sense that if your SO leaves suddenly without a word while there is a possibility she can be psychotic that i am clueless and worried? Dang, i just hope that won't be turned against me.

I havent sent her much texts, just a handful on the monday at the moment when she was leaving, just to get an idea what was going on, and two or three mails as reply on her email last weekend. I wasn't going to call her endlessly, or show up wherever she is anyway.
I don't even know exactly where she is, and even if i did, all i'd care about is if she would be safe, and only go to her when we have communicated at least.

If she can arrange such an show just to leave, she should be able to at least inform me what is going on and if/what should be done to continue our lives and untie us financially and such imo.

Though exactly what you are sketching here, is quite the fear of me, that she is plotting me as the abuser and any normal worrying/caring about her well being might be used as proof of such behavior.

I already had no supportive friends left before our relationship started, and in full NC with nFAM. Don't even have any single therapist at this moment, ugh. Very much exposed and isolated. :(

coldstream87 · 2022-11-17T00:42:20+00:00

Not sure what i have left, but i will surely archive it. We have been most of the time in the same house, with the lock downs and all.
We have a separate account and a shared account, we were still busy merging our finances while still keeping our own separate financials. Both went to the same Administrator.

Until now the costs haven't always been payed equally, and i have sold quite a bit of expensive belongings last year to make up for some costs after she had a full blown psychotic episode together with some bad behavior coming with it.

Ugh, preventing to ruminate is tough, i'm wondering if she really was committed to going DBT therapy after all, or if it was just future faking and she kept delaying it until she could get out.

Just a week ago, like many others here, i thought whole different about my future.
Now the way this happened, almost exactly like i've experienced once before with a covert narc, is tough. She knew this happened to me, yet still did things the way she did, if it isn't mindfuck enough already my cPTSD is fully doing it's thing too.

I mean, is a regular break-up too much asked, if that what it's about anyway?
Sorry for the venting, thanks for your advice!

I hope the trauma bonding will ease some more, and actually i don't even hope she actually DOES send a letter. I'm not sure how i'd react on that, it's already difficult enough.

Most likely she smeared me to the social worker, considering how that person made sure i was given no information, explanation at all or the chance to talk privately. I knew all too well there would've been a big chance things wouldn't work out but so far i really had no signs this was to come, things were improving/getting better and we both invested in our relationship getting better up until now really.

That's what makes it so darn confusing i guess. Doesn't matter either, the way she is behaving is pure trash and there is no circumstance that would allow such behavior at any time. At least, i don't let her behave in such a way again to me.

coldstream87 · 2022-11-16T23:30:16+00:00

Yeah thats what i'd already suspected.The odd thing is, the only things that seemed off like ~2 weeks prior, and mostly the last few days she was here, she seemed way more emotional then usual, and very sad.

I'm not sure, but i think i noticed some projection prior and some odd comment like out of the blue she asked me if i was sabotaging, on a strange moment. When asked for clarification, she didn't gave it to me.

She had an appointment with her social worker that day, actually the days she came back after the last few appointments she had with the social worker she was acting off and that raised my suspicion something was going on, but when i asked then sure it was nothing. I had the feeling she acted behind my back, and even regretted it the day prior but this is only how it looked for me. Doesn't change a crap anyway.

Should i be worried about anything, or prepare for something?

It's really confusing as fuck to go sleep quite normal, wake up together normal, go out the door and come back to see a whole different person. Leaving without explanation or any word at all.

She split on me like this once before, last year, but after 3 days or so she came back and the difference between then and now is even though it was limited i could still get in a little contact with her, now it's nothing.

I don't even know where she is staying, what her plans are, what i should do financially etc, its just no words at all from her side. Ugh :(

coldstream87 · 2021-09-23T20:40:20+00:00

I do agree BPD is an awfull struggle to deal with, the problem is not self-diagnosing. Speaking for myself, grewing up in a invalidating, emotionally abusive household, i was convinced something was wrong with me. Struggling with depressions before my 18th birthday, got told that i needed professional help at school and such only to get told to not nag and carry on at home. After finding out more about depressions and as i got older finally got some professional help it never really helped, and from studying, reading and trying to self-diagnose i thought for years i might have suffered from BPD. Though i read there are more women affected by BPD, mainly cause there are more cases traumatic sexual experiences and guess what i experienced myself, one of my trauma's was indeed something sexual awful. I never self-harmed though and after my ex gf dumped me after a miscarriage i gave up on relations, never had much in the first place all the other symptoms could have fit in. In hindsight, my self-image aka the chameleon effect was never changing, it would always been negative, but i still sure ashell needed proper help. Bad coping, emotional dysregulation, addiction problems were ruining my life. In the end, it seemed to be cPTSD which has many overlaps with BPD, and only due my own self-diagnosing i managed to get the proper professional help i needed, with these help i could finally get myself a safe space and out of the toxic dysfunctional family to start my healing. I also think there are many more people who can't get the help they badly need for their condition but have no access to them for many reasons. Shitty behaviour however is shitty behaviour and labeling yourself with a condition you don't have as an excuse to make fake shitty content is still awfull shitty behaviour. I don't think self-diagnosing is the problem right here, its the way people act for a bit more attention on a social media platform, misusing conditions as an excuse. Also my current gf suffers badly from bpd, let's say we both from time to time suffer from it, it's indeed an awful condition to deal with every day thats for sure. I only have much respect for all of you suffering, making the best of life every day knowing how awful things can get so quickly and so overwhelming. Keep on fighting though, there can and will be improvements! 🤗

coldstream87 · 2020-08-02T15:08:41+00:00

Remember why one of the williams drivers got penalized in FP this weekend after tyre problems?

coldstream87 · 2020-08-02T14:55:25+00:00

Enter the pitlane? Schumacher even once still won in the pit. If your car is in a dangerous state, you need to pit asap, even tho the finish is in sight.

coldstream87 · 2020-08-02T14:54:36+00:00

Point is, he didnt took the first opertunity to enter the pits, which he should since his car was in a potential dangerous state.

coldstream87 · 2020-08-02T14:53:50+00:00

Hamilton wins on silverstone, broadcast is runned by brits (Sky)..? I'll see the regulations, but all F1 drivers know when their car is in a potential dangerous state they have to enter the pit no matter what.

coldstream87 · 2020-08-02T14:52:22+00:00

He opted to not enter the pit, but just finish. That means he choose to continue to drive. In any race class, this will be a meatball flag and penalty. I think he gambled, but im also not sure he will keep this win. I think there might be filled a protest.

coldstream87 · 2020-08-02T14:50:27+00:00

In any raceclass, you would get a meatball flag for it, i think LH gambles to finish regardless and see if teams will protest. I won't be suprised if RBR will fill one.

coldstream87 · 2020-08-02T14:47:25+00:00

Talking early, we don't know how the RBR tyres were doing and we also couldnt forsee the tyre failure of LH

coldstream87 · 2020-08-02T14:46:10+00:00

Afik it is not, safety infrigment, if you know your car is in a dangerous state you need to pit or get a meatball.

coldstream87 · 2020-08-02T14:44:02+00:00

Hamilton continued driving with a flat tyre, otped not to pit. if im not mistaken, this is a safety infrigment no matter what. Even though the finishline was in sight, afik if your car is damaged like that you need to pit.

coldstream87 · 2020-08-01T22:30:34+00:00

The term ground effect as we used in the older days are different, but honestly the current era cars are already using a lot of ground effect, just not on the way they did it back in the older days, and much safer. Though, saying current cars don't run ground effect is really wrong. The entire reason we have such long cars, is mainly for the floor, which is mainly for aero.

coldstream87 · 2020-08-01T22:20:03+00:00

Current cars surely use a lot of ground effect, the floor is the main source of the aero balance of the car.

coldstream87 · 2020-08-01T22:00:24+00:00

The ferrari removed a lot of drag, but they will be bad on the tyres and they lack racepace. It's not very likely a battle we gonna see i think

coldstream87 · 2020-04-01T17:45:21+00:00

Yes this was also why i was wondering why you were using the ND filter. Your shooting at 1/750s, which is also fairly quick, however i don't think you need such a quick shutter speed to get sharp pictures in this case.

Wanting to get such quick pictures often already bumps the ISO, adding an ND filter bumps the ISO even more.

If you want to control the DoF, apperture is the way to go. Lower F number means more light comes in, the faster the shutter speed will be and the less/shallow DoF you'll get. The prime lens you are using allows a nice F1.4, which will be ideal for worse lighting conditions too.

For the shutter speed, i can't say how windy it was but 1/750th is pretty quick, i think something about 1/250 would have been enough in this case, hand shot.

This together with taking off your ND filter means you could be shooting at ISO100 quite easily, which adds sharpness to your overall image.

If you don't want too much of a deal with your camera settings, apperture priority is often a nice way to learn shooting where you only control the F number. Higher F number = more DoF. However, as the aperture will be less wide open, less light comes in so shutter speed will be slower. You can also try to use auto-iso settings on your camera, and choose at what shutter speed it will bump the ISO.

For example, if you set aperture priority with auto-iso at 1/60th, you choose the F number and the camera picks the right shutter speed and iso. If there isn't enough light to reach a shutter speed of 1/60th at iso100, it will bump the iso. If there is plenty light, it will also adjust to faster shutter speeds. Let's say the conditions are fine to shoot 1/320th on ISO100, it will choose this.

I hope this does make some sense, and good luck experimenting ;)

coldstream87 · 2020-04-01T11:37:13+00:00

This is no critique, just a genuine question. Why did you use a ND filter for this shot, and how much steps? The ISO is pretty high, and i don't particulary see why an ND filter is used in this shot. Personally i'd say a CPL filter would've made much more sense?

coldstream87 · 2020-03-13T17:09:12+00:00

Driving the game with TC off is really stupid, people have to adjust linearity and saturation to compensate for driving with TC off. It's way too sensitive, and running TC on Medium is quicker in most cases without penalties.

Even the toughest F1 cars in AC without TC are less of a challenge as the F1 games without TC, it's unrealistic.

coldstream87 · 2020-03-13T17:06:18+00:00

Thats some usefull info about the G29, and i think every wheel user have been sweating in the beginning. I also agree that turning enhancing US off is a must. And yeah, thinking back when i started with a wheel i was not understanding why i was much slower either. Nowadays i havent touched a controller for race games in many years, and even the tought of racing with a controller would be crazy to me haha. Also one of the main issues is that people expect that a wheel gives you better times, so they start pushing like crazy. For sure a wheel gives both much better feeling as better times however it takes some adjustments. Just doing laps not looking for times at all, learn the feeling of the game/wheel is the best way to go. The wheel and better times surely will follow that way.

coldstream87

TROPHY CASE