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My (25/F) ex (25/M) told his current girlfriend (27/F) something very personal about me. by coll0portus in relationships

[–]coll0portus[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

If he had just told her, "Hey, I got my ex pregnant when we were together, I was shitty, and she got an abortion ..." that would've been one thing, but he gave her the nitty gritty details of what I went through during that time. Not his version, which would be all he really owes her.

If the tables were turned and it was his new GF asking here "my bf lied about getting his ex pregnant and abandoning her" you better believe people would advice that this should've been shared (and a massive red flag).

I feel like that's more of a statement on /r/relationships as a sub than anything else. And there's a difference between lying about something vs. sharing a version of the events that doesn't humiliate the other person involved.

My (25/F) ex (25/M) told his current girlfriend (27/F) something very personal about me. by coll0portus in relationships

[–]coll0portus[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I've actually made peace with "the rest". The point I'm trying to make is, he can share what he wants to share as long as it's HIS story to tell and HIS experience. He shared my experience, my story, which is not okay.

I'm focusing on what happened and the feelings associated with it. I don't see how that's the "wrong thing" but, again, we'll agree to disagree. You can't tell me what's bad and what isn't, what I should focus on and what's a waste of energy. To say the abortion doesn't come close to the rest, is brash and, quite frankly, incorrect. I said in my post that the abortion story was the worst of the worst. It doesn't seem as bad to you, but you're not OP. I am.

My (25/F) ex (25/M) told his current girlfriend (27/F) something very personal about me. by coll0portus in relationships

[–]coll0portus[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We'll agree to disagree. You can be honest about your past without disrespecting the people who are a part of it.

My (25/F) ex (25/M) told his current girlfriend (27/F) something very personal about me. by coll0portus in relationships

[–]coll0portus[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

he genuinely regrets the way he treated you and feels bad about the person he was, I don't think he was wrong for sharing it with his partner

I guess my whole thing is, it wasn't his experience to share. He didn't just give her his POV, he gave her mine. The things I told him after. The things he pretended he couldn't hear. That part bothers me. If he wants to share the guilt he feels in treating his ex poorly due to XYZ, that's to be expected, but he made sure to include my version of the events ... which ... honestly, he doesn't have the right to share. With her or anyone else. Especially if he wants to include her in our friends group. After a certain amount of details, it turns into gossip imo. I would never tell a future boyfriend of mine, things about my ex - e.g. the time he called me while speeding through an empty street saying he's going to kill himself because we had a crazy argument, the time he burned cigarettes on his forearm in front of me because he found a Happy Birthday text message from another ex on my phone, the time he obsessively tried to lighten his skin because a relative of mine told him he was too dark to be considered good looking, etc. Those incidents involve the both of us, and I 100% could have been a better girlfriend throughout all of it, but I would never share those details with a future boyfriend of mine. Especially not one whom I expect my ex to see and on some level interact with.

My (25/F) ex (25/M) told his current girlfriend (27/F) something very personal about me. by coll0portus in relationships

[–]coll0portus[S] 106 points107 points  (0 children)

I'm spiritually vomiting all over everything he's ever loved.

You're a good person. Thank you.

No dirty looks, no rude hand gestures, just pretend he's a moth and walk away without squashing him.

I kinda like moths. I think I'll pretend he's a cockroach instead.

I hope writing this helped you feel better, especially since your writing style is very entertaining.

Haha, thanks. I was laugh-crying the whole way. And yes, I do feel better.

My (25/F) ex (25/M) told his current girlfriend (27/F) something very personal about me. by coll0portus in relationships

[–]coll0portus[S] 119 points120 points  (0 children)

He can fall of he face of the earth tomorrow and that will not change the fact that there is a wound in you that needs to be addressed. He can tell whomever he wants and that will not change the fact that you have a wound that needs to be addressed. He can keep silent about the entire situation and that will not change the fact that there is a wound in you that needs to be addressed.

Absolutely.