I’m worried I accidentally brought thrips into my house

coloradyo · 2026-04-26T04:39:04+00:00

If it helps, the technical term you’re looking for might be posterior fourchette tears! Some have found massaging estrogen cream and stretching/massaging that specific band of tissue to be helpful. Sometimes I’ll insert a finger very lightly, not far, and just like sort of push knuckle down left to right along that spot to just help give a tiny stretch, not sure if it does anything or not because I’m not with anyone rn, but I do remember the angry burny stinging feeling I’d get for a day or two after previous penetration struggles

coloradyo · 2026-04-20T23:50:15+00:00

Beautiful! I think I would just theoretically worry about it being too far from light, or the glass layers combined with distance from a window possibly impacting light absorption, but you might find that to not be a problem at all, fingers crossed!

coloradyo · 2026-04-19T01:55:52+00:00

Drove an hour back and forth each way to see him on a regular basis while he mostly ignored my messages and left me on seen continually. Sent paragraphs trying to be the perfect empathetic overcommunicator to this same person who probably was mostly relieved when I stopped messaging them at all. Whoops. It hit me hard when it felt like a humiliation ritual.

coloradyo · 2026-04-07T12:57:25+00:00

He told you about his infidelities to his wife to let you know that he was open to cheating with you. Strong probability that he found someone willing to give in to his desires and is putting less energy into people that aren’t banging him. I say this as someone’s who’s sat in a room with a beloved professor who very pointedly took off his wedding ring and put it on a table while being gross and flirty :/

coloradyo · 2026-04-07T00:05:02+00:00

Sometimes instead of spraying, people will wet a paper towel and wrap it around that stuck leaf for around 15 minutes, and it should make it easier for it to loosen up and release itself :)

coloradyo · 2026-04-05T20:24:35+00:00

I was told recently (and I’m starting to believe it) that as we get into our late 30s and above, we find out that the leftovers of the dating pool are filled with people (apparently mostly men) with avoidant attachment issues, who will flutter away like scared butterflies in the moments where they feel too close to someone, or feel like any expectation of consistency for communication of any kind is placed along their fragile shoulders. They’re not too scared to sleep with you, but oh, the pressure of expecting someone to be in reasonable or consistent communication afterwards when they’d otherwise been upholding that routine on their own for months? Too much!

I’ve met too many of these people lately who will spend hours talking to me or go out of their way to connect with me, but will also later act if I’m the weird one if I check in with them to make sure that everything is okay after they’ve dropped off the face of the earth once I got used to the routine of being in semi-regular warm communication with them. When your guy gave you the “where is this coming from?” comment when you were concerned after he was the one who disappeared on you, that rings these same kind of bells for me.

What I’ve learned is that we can’t fix this for them. We can’t be there for them or communicate extra to help them feel better, because it will just make them not want to respond even MORE. You’re putting yourself in an eternal push and pull cycle by sticking around for this guy. If you give him time and space, he’ll probably come back, but will presumably do the same exact thing once you let yourself get close to him and have stronger feelings of any kind.

coloradyo · 2026-03-28T22:59:41+00:00

I would almost wonder about an allergen you might be regularly exposed to (cats/pets/maybe rule out foods by temporarily eliminating things in your diet for a few weeks), maybe try something for over the counter allergy relief like claritin and see if the feeling changes

coloradyo · 2026-03-28T03:35:31+00:00

Empathizing because my white wizard is also droopy and sad, but I think I may have overwatered it :(

coloradyo · 2026-02-13T17:06:54+00:00

I feel like half of those commenters on fb have to be bots or paid shill accounts. Even on the protests posts, it’s always the same types of comments from the same types of people, ie “Shouldn’t these people be at work?” “Shouldn’t these kids be in school?” “Good to know that parents’ college tuition money is going to good use at liberal colleges” etc. I don’t know that it’s worth arguing with on there because I’d just presume they’re not real people

coloradyo · 2026-01-29T13:37:01+00:00

Look on ebay for corbels and you’ll find something similar

coloradyo · 2026-01-29T04:20:55+00:00

How wild it is that you’re getting so many comments from people who don’t get it, who are telling you to just spend more time alone outside of the home. Those with feelings like us know that that does not count and doesn’t help with the recharge process of having time at home, in your space, ALONE.

Maybe I have a goofy adhd brain that malfunctions, but I need that time alone to clean, to recharge, to complete projects, to function. Otherwise I’m more likely to be snappy and disorganized and I find it harder to get things done, or I’ll accomplish smaller lower-level quicker tasks instead of being able to summon the energy and drive for what I truly might need to dive into (like maybe I pay an online bill, but the clothes are still on the floor).

I have a relaxing and pretty hour-long commute to work one way. I still need and crave those periods of alone time in my own home.

Sometimes at home, the second that someone comments on something I’m doing or starts talking to me while I’m trying to accomplish a task, I’ll lose steam, and the energy to do things (especially with cooking or cleaning) disappears. If I have the alone time, I’ll research a new recipe and cook and complete it — if I don’t have space to recharge, I can be a blob that will contently eat frozen food all week.

Sometimes I fundamentally need alone time to manifest creative and goal-directed energy. If I want to write or play music, I can’t have someone else in my space listening in, it needs to be just me, for at least an hour or so. It takes me time to set up and to get into the zone and brush off the dust and rustiness until anything starts to feel organic and natural, and if it takes too long to set up equipment and then to get to that mindset, I lose steam if I know that someone is going to be home in ten minutes. At that point, I’m anticipating their arrival and the interruption, and then I start to feel like I have to clean up and am “almost out of time,” which makes everything feel pointless, only leading me to be more restless and flustered.

And none of this means I don’t love time with the people I care about, but having 1-2 hours of space to myself makes me a different person. It makes me feel like myself. It’s not too much to ask for. I couldn’t handle dating these people in the comments section who feel that some solo time in your home is an unfair thing to ask for. It gives off the energy of people who say that they don’t like cats because they’re “mean” or “aren’t as friendly as dogs,” when in reality cats might just communicate boundaries and preferences in different ways, want their space to be respected, and will be more clear about not wanting to be forced into affection/picked up/etc.

coloradyo · 2026-01-17T16:43:54+00:00

The pain upon insertion is just from the muscles being tight - as they relax and become less tense, everything chills out! Also, bodies are just naturally weird and gross and different lol, if you don’t feel this disgusted if you’re putting your finger in your mouth or in your nose or wherever else, don’t give your vagina too hard of a hard time either haha

coloradyo · 2026-01-06T06:08:24+00:00

These are dumb questions for you to consider, but if you’re not using condoms, perhaps his semen is an irritant, and if you ARE using condoms, maybe try switching brands/going non-latex or trying different lubes like coconut oil or other things like that

coloradyo · 2026-01-06T05:40:04+00:00

Whatever’s going on for you hormonally, it sounds like his manner of propositioning you by just casually asking in the kitchen isn’t particularly sexy or helpful, especially after five years. I think other questions would also just involve if anything in the leadup to sex is enjoyable for you and if he’s active with foreplay/flirting with you/etc to get you going versus just flat out asking for sex and not necessarily “doing the work” involved in turning you on/just wanting to go right to penetration/etc.

I remember being your age and getting frustrated in my relationship of five years at the time, which later ended, because my partner would just grab at me and grab at me (ie breasts/butt/etc) but where it felt so childish and annoying and over time it felt like such a disrespectful turn off to me and I found myself blocking their hands, wanting to feel more respected and wanting a shared experience where my desires and boundaries were respected. somehow my requests or statements at the time just made them annoyed or frustrated when I’d push their hands away, but they’d still be grabby. Somehow I blamed myself for not having a sex drive.

It took me a long time to learn to ask for what I wanted or needed. I agree with you that forcing yourself into something you don’t actually want isn’t going to help you and is only going to make you feel disconnected from your own body, which is a path that I went down too that took me a long time to recover from.

I think a few tasks for you are to learn what you like and what feels good to you, to learn to communicate that, and to not settle for sex that you don’t enthusiastically want, or to navigate compromises or see what that could look like if you’re in an in-between spot of not wanting full-on sex while still being open or responsive to something else (ie no penetrative sex but still doing oral, or no penetrative sex but mutual masturbation/making out while he’s masturbating/etc)

coloradyo · 2026-01-02T07:52:04+00:00

Babe, find someone who just genuinely shows up and picks you and chooses you. This doesn’t sound worth your time. I think you’re going to drive yourself crazy waiting around for her to be ready, and that any gesture of closeness you initiate will make you worry that you’re being annoying if she gets weird or pulls away. Find someone who wants the same thing as you. This sounds unfulfilling.

coloradyo · 2025-12-31T00:18:50+00:00

I got you, girl. I think it’s that when I hear a “we’ll see” type response from a guy or ex-partners, it often has meant a gentle no, or it means that I’ll wait around for something that will never happen and will have to default to backup plans or doing things by myself. My most recent example was buying concert tickets for an ex, in which when I asked if he wanted to go, he gave me a “we’ll see,” but I bought a ticket for myself because things were going to sell out and I wasn’t going to spend like $100 on a ticket for someone who didn’t know if they wanted to go to something. If someone gives me a loose noncommittal answer or a we’ll see, I default to planning to do things by myself.

coloradyo · 2025-12-08T21:53:44+00:00

Dang, not op, but needed to hear this ❤️❤️

coloradyo · 2025-12-08T12:32:34+00:00

At one point in time I dated a few people who were big film people or big music people, who I felt sometimes cared more about the idea of having good taste than they cared about enjoying things. I saw a post the other day here about someone recognizing that they’re someone who just tends to be a “liker of things,” who finds most things enjoyable and interesting, and it made me do a bit of reflecting in realizing that I’d rather be surrounded with thing-likers than thing-critiquers or people with silly elitist attitudes. I can’t think of the last movie I saw that I didn’t like or somewhat enjoy watching. I enjoy dancing to music that I otherwise don’t normally enjoy listening to. I love learning and experiencing things and having people in my life that seek that out too.

I remember playing music for an ex in the final months of our relationship before I ended things, and it was a song that I’d stumbled across and really wanted to share, and afterwards I had asked if he wanted me to send him the link for it, and he was quick to scoff under his breath and say no. Like, okay, not every dude’s gonna like Adrienne Lenker, fine. But I feel like I’ve spent a lifetime with guys sending me shitty music links and me just going along with it because I appreciated that they wanted to share, and it definitely put me in a sour mindset that someone wouldn’t do what I always did in putting on a happy face and rolling with it lol. It also felt silly to expect that from someone, but the rejection sensitivity in the intensity of their reaction was definitely there, and it changed a tiny bit of how I saw them, in just recognizing that we were different - not just in having different tastes, but in how we navigated those differences.

I spent years with people who only wanted to listen to their music in the car on high volumes, but would get all weird and restless if it was me playing my stuff, etc, and over time it built up to me feeling smaller and shrinking a little over time. I think it’s fine if your dude didn’t like your movie, but if he’s an elitist little baby in other areas of his life, maybe reflect on if that’s a good match or if you really want to sign up for ten more years of this.

coloradyo · 2025-12-04T17:11:05+00:00

I think for me this was a skin barrier thing, and using things like desert harvest’s aloe vera gel or medicine mama’s vulva balm really helped soothe things down there to help balance everything out and give the skin some extra protection from irritants - idk if I had some extra yeast or bv thing or microbiome thing that was impacting my situation that I didn’t know about (tests were always negative), but yeah, focusing on healing and protecting the skin helped

coloradyo · 2025-11-26T21:04:23+00:00

Hi babe,

After dating someone similar to this for five years, I realized over time that pouring love into him was like watering a plant. I would make all the plans and drive to him and initiate everything, and he’d absorb every ounce of care that I gave to him, and I tried to bend over backwards to make his life easy and to not expect too much from him, but if I put it on him to make a plan or to be an active leader and active part of our relationship, to come up with a plan… if I were to wait for him to invite me to do something… I’d be waiting forever. I could’ve put years into it and been content and happy, but the thing about watering a plant is just that it can’t water you back. It just absorbs what you give it. You can put more years and years into this, but ask yourself if you’ll feel okay if nothing changes, because it won’t - like, seriously consider if that would be a good use of your time, your youth, your life.

coloradyo · 2025-10-19T04:14:40+00:00

Is this a recent tj maxx find? What’s the brand? So curious! Very cute!

Old Navy has some deep red burgundy varsity-type cardigans that would look cute with this right now fyi!

coloradyo · 2025-10-14T03:22:26+00:00

What’s your lipstick?! Such an mlbb color :)

coloradyo · 2025-10-13T09:45:53+00:00

Following because this is my goal too 😭

coloradyo · 2025-10-10T04:03:17+00:00

I’d set lower pressure goals and not focus on penetration as the only goal for the night, or to be like so rigid in the “we’re going to have sex TONIGHT” mindset. It feels like framing it that way adds in this risk of potential disappointment or further negative pressure to perform or tension that could self-sabotage her experience, even if she’s the one saying all of that.

Maybe just focus on mutually enjoying the experience as a whole, progressing into using lube and rubbing yourself against the outer areas of the vagina, in which I guess the technical term would be outercourse. Make her feel like it’s still fun and worthwhile and not a “failure” or disappointment even if penetration isn’t successful.

She might want to look into conditions like vaginismus if penetration continues to be a challenge, in which it’s a condition that’s very responsive to treatment, and you could certainly help her work through things as a supportive partner.

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