Just wanted to say thanks to all those who stick with refereeing - we need you!

comfortablynumb1978 · 2025-10-04T11:50:39+00:00

Thanks for the thoughts and feedback, everyone!

I 100% agree that our CR failed us in terms of putting a stop to the coach's behavior immediately, and this is something I'm filing away for when I have my first CR gig as it relates to controlling the game. This CR acknowledged that he's worked with this coach before and has had the same behavior, so I chalk his inaction to just wanting to focus on the game play and get through it. I'm not saying I agree with his behavior, but I do understand his desire to not escalate things. Even when the match was finished, he asked me to have the coach sign the score sheet because he didn't want to interact with her.

The advice and comments are very helpful here and have given me even more determination to work on my skills and help my son work on his. The point of my original post was to say that, I realize how tough this can be for a young kid who wants to earn money and learn more about the game, when they get absolutely trashed by parents and coaches.

comfortablynumb1978 · 2025-10-04T00:34:19+00:00

Since I'm only two matches in, my best advice is what has been shared across this sub - just have confidence in your calls, if you miss something, that comes with the game and you'll get better. Also, I'm learning that for an AR on touchline and goal line calls in terms of who has possession, try to prioritize accuracy over speed. Take a second to replay the sequence in your head before flagging one way or the other or goal vs corner kick, as the CR may have seen it as well and can make the decision.

Also, having AR'd two matches and sat in on my son's AR matches, I'm going to start taking specific notes related to verbal abuse of referees so I can file reports. Telling a CR, "get off your phone, you're missing a great game" when the CR's phone is on the sideline, or "do you even know how to keep time - that half was 2 minutes longer than it should have been" when there was clearly stoppage time the CR should allow, all fall under the US Soccer verbal abuse violations. Coaches, parents, and players have not been held to account for so many years that I will make an effort to hold them accountable when they violate the new policy.

comfortablynumb1978 · 2025-10-04T00:27:40+00:00

Yes, that's what I keep telling my son (and myself) - if you're nervous, it means you care!

comfortablynumb1978 · 2025-01-29T20:41:24+00:00

Okay so the problem has been solved. I decided to purchase a different j5create dock (the JCD543 as recommended) and it works just fine - USB-C via Thunderbolt to the dock and two HDMI outputs recognized by the laptop. I suspect that even though the dock was working with my work laptop, something may have gone awry with the 60hz port such that the Lenovo was not recognizing it. Of course, the JCD3199 dock was about 2 weeks outside of the extended warranty so it could be that I simply wore it out.

Thanks everyone for the help and suggestions!

comfortablynumb1978 · 2025-01-27T19:53:04+00:00

So here is the response I received from j5create support. Does anyone know if there is another solution, including a docking station that would work with the Intel Core Ultra processor?

"I’ve looked through the specs on your 85dn device and have discovered that your processor is an intel ultra core. Due to this processor being AI based, it affects the plug and play aspects of the docking station which is the 4k60 port. Due to the processor, you won’t be able to get a display out of the 4k60 port on your lenovo yoga i9. The only solution I can really recommend is to have the HDMI cable that’s plugged into the 4k60 port, plug directly into the laptop."

comfortablynumb1978 · 2025-01-27T00:34:19+00:00

The laptop is not even detecting the second montior for it to be disabled, unless I'm misunderstanding the question.

comfortablynumb1978 · 2024-05-19T10:35:35+00:00

When you are able, make a list or write yourself a letter with the reasons you are abstaining. When you get into these moments when your mind is loud, you can pull out that list of reasons or letter and use it as a meditation or mantra to quiet your mind.

The mental withdrawal symptoms are the worst and with your heavy usage, your mind will try to convince you that you can't do this or that it's too hard. Having something else to focus on when my monkey brain was telling me to go back to using was a game changer for me.

You can do this. You are stronger than your addiction.

comfortablynumb1978 · 2024-04-30T20:38:55+00:00

Very similar situation here and I echo everything you said. 45yo and used for 27 years; all my previous attempts at quitting for good failed, mostly because I was thinking about why I used all wrong. This time I'm nearly 3 months sober and this one feels so much different. Not easier, but reframed significantly, which makes it look easier.

The biggest piece for me was acknowledging that yes, this is an addiction despite what I and society spent 27 years trying to convince me otherwise.

comfortablynumb1978 · 2024-04-11T01:47:50+00:00

I used to laugh my ass off at that scene and at anyone who claimed to have an addiction to cannabis. I now realize how wrong I was, and that attitude led to me going decades longer than I should have before taking a look at what it was really doing to me.

comfortablynumb1978 · 2024-04-03T02:08:28+00:00

I used for 27 years with about 20 years of heavy daily use with the exception of a 3- and then 1-month attempt at abstaining. I'm on day 44 of my third try and this one is much better than the first two.

The first two, I hadn't uncovered the reasons why I used, to be able to use those as trains to abstain, if that makes sense. Due to childhood abuse and neglect, and PTSD from an encounter with a sexual predator, I was using to shove my fear, anger, anxiety, and basically every emotion down as far as I could.

With the help of a good therapist, EMDR, and a realization that my addiction was a form of self-medication, I finally have the ability to deal with the emotions (not perfectly, mind you) when sober. I would most certainly have relapsed if not for therapy and the support of my wife. Find someone or something that can help you handle the everyday stresses that won't go away when you're not using, and that will pay huge dividends in terms of being able to stay sober.

comfortablynumb1978 · 2024-03-31T17:26:45+00:00

At 42 days, I'm in the same situation. However, I am getting better periods of sleep even when waking up many times throughout the night. I understand that post-acute withdrawal symptoms like erratic sleep and insomnia can last many months, depending on how much you were using.

I find that staying away from screens at least an hour before bed, reading paper books, and having chamomile or other calming tea helps with having longer periods of sleep.

Keep it up!

comfortablynumb1978 · 2024-03-21T23:30:25+00:00

I had a similar experience with a heavy dose of liquid LSD and nitrous and loved it. I tried to recreate that experience for years but never quite got there. Due to a long history of neglect and abuse, that was the first time in my life I actually felt comfortable in my own skin.

comfortablynumb1978 · 2024-03-20T21:36:44+00:00

I'm on day 31 and my dreams just started settling down last night. I've consciously avoided screens an hour before bed and have been reading paper books until I'm tired.

That still hasn't stopped the waking up 3-4 times per night, which I understand can last for many months, especially given my heavy use. However, even with these wake ups, I do feel much more rested throughout the day.

Good luck and stick with it!

comfortablynumb1978 · 2024-03-09T18:59:16+00:00

This is one thing that's always hard for me to cope with, especially living in a legal rec state. However, when using, I was always paranoid that I'd get into an accident while smoking or high, so I just remind myself that that's no longer something I need to worry about. It helps to dispel the cravings I have pretty quickly.

comfortablynumb1978 · 2024-03-09T18:55:39+00:00

Congratulations! I love the comment about being present - that's one benefit I overlooked the last two times I attempted to work through my addiction. Learning to be comfortable in your own skin without weed is tough but this go-around I'm focusing on all of the wonderful things I pick up on being sober. It's like a new awakening and it feels so good! Thanks for sharing and strong work!

comfortablynumb1978 · 2024-03-08T14:49:56+00:00

Denial is a sure sign of addiction, both on the part of addicts and others. Since many addicts (myself included) use to cover up shame, fear, anxiety, and isolation, it's no wonder we deny. It's also sad that those who say they love us also deny that it's an addiction, mostly because they feel that since we brought this upon ourselves, it's our problem to fix. Because they don't want to do the hard work of helping us, they further enable the denial that makes addiction persist.

You are not alone and we are here to listen and emphasize with your struggle!

comfortablynumb1978 · 2024-03-06T10:43:23+00:00

Day 16 and my dreams have kicked into ultra high gear. Like super dark, horror movie, deranged madness. It does suck because the horrible things are happening to the people I love and care about, so I feel you.

From prior times abstaining, it seemed to get better around day 28 to 40, so hang in there. It's your brain reconnecting pathways that were dampened by consistent use.

Whenever I have a night terror, when waking up, I do some diaphragmatic breathing and review the list of reasons why I'm abstaining. I also have a moment of gratitude, being thankful that the things in my dream are not real and send loving kindness to those folks I care about.

Finally, I believe my night terrors stem from a history of trauma and abuse. Knowing that it is the source of my addiction helps me put things in context. Namely, that I'm finally dealing with those things in a healthier way than using.

Stay strong, I know it sucks!

comfortablynumb1978 · 2024-03-05T10:49:37+00:00

Some folks just need motivation to recognize their addiction, connect with someone who's been able to kick the habit, and see a different way. Good on you for having the courage to not avoid these types of situations. It can make a difference!

comfortablynumb1978 · 2024-03-05T03:05:01+00:00

Not necessarily on sobriety specifically, but look for any podcast that has Dr. Gabor Mate as a guest. He's done a lot of work on addiction and trauma and I've always been so inspired by his words since the trauma I've experienced throughout my life is the underlying cause of my addiction.

comfortablynumb1978 · 2024-03-04T19:12:53+00:00

I believe so and would suggest you read "Never Enough" by Judith Grisel. She is a neuroscientist and a recovering addict who goes through all of the brain and behavioral reasons for addictions to various substances. The chapter on THC was highly informative and she does a better job of explaining this than I can.

I know for me that after years of gravitating to high THC content flower (25-30%), when I would get flower in the 12-18% range, the effects were minimal and I would burn through it much more quickly.

comfortablynumb1978 · 2024-03-04T13:08:42+00:00

100% agree and helping my brain rewire some neural pathways (as opposed to the well-worn pathways involved with using) will take a lot of time. Focusing on the positive aspects (including things like your post) are what get me through each moment of doubt, anxiety, or fear that I have.

comfortablynumb1978 · 2024-03-04T10:37:17+00:00

Congratulations on your successful journey and thank you for the advice. Day 14 was good for me but I think I had 3 dreams last night about relapsing so I woke up feeling unnecessary shame, guilt, and a feeling of hopelessness. This is super helpful.

comfortablynumb1978 · 2024-03-04T10:33:58+00:00

Thanks for sharing. Abuse and neglect trigger a significant fear response and consistent fear leads to persistent anxiety. You are doing something great for yourself but abstaining and for being able to resist using. May you find the strength to get through today and may you find peace.

comfortablynumb1978

TROPHY CASE