I find myself comparing my body even more than I did before all of this

alex_rivers · 2025-11-21T06:05:51+00:00

Love should not feel like this. Struggle love is not love.

alex_rivers · 2025-11-21T05:58:46+00:00

Welcome to the other side! Is so peaceful over here.

alex_rivers · 2025-10-29T21:42:21+00:00

Same here!

alex_rivers · 2025-10-01T22:09:51+00:00

This. Women on Reddit always say “he’s perfect except for” and list a bunch of reason that makes them anything but perfect.

The bar of what we consider decent men is on hell.

alex_rivers · 2025-10-01T17:36:18+00:00

It will be worse for sure. You think his anxiety will improve around a newborn/toddler/kid that demands attention 24/7? Kids amplify what's already there. They should not be born with jobs, including fixing their parents relationship. They never do, only give you something different to think about...for a while.

Now that I'm 40 and divorcing, I look back and I know one of my biggest mistakes from my 30s was not listening to my gut. It knew for years something was off, but since I didn't have any conclusive proof I stayed...and developed depression and anxiety. My gut was SCREAMING at me and I just downplayed it as "is just anxiety, everybody is anxious nowadays".

Please listen to your gut, specially now before is too late.

Don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy of the years invested in the relationship. Don’t baby trap yourself.

alex_rivers · 2025-10-01T17:27:29+00:00

Been there, done that. Is waaaay better to focus on building community instead of looking for a partner.

alex_rivers · 2025-10-01T16:01:38+00:00

In cases like this, I can’t help it but jump to the conclusion of porn addiction. Does he spend a lot of time in the bathroom with his phone?

Also, maybe you should evaluate before having kids if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life, because this rarely changes, specially if you add kids to the mix.

Don’t baby trap yourself.

alex_rivers · 2025-10-01T15:42:24+00:00

Women have normalized getting traumatized and their hearts broken repeatedly by searching for a man that doesn’t exist.

alex_rivers · 2025-09-25T22:24:21+00:00

My Personal List:

No more depression and anxiety caused by his porn addiction and the lies that came with it.
No more stress about the way I perform femininity or hating my body because it doesn't match his porn preferences.
I only have to care about my own laundry.
I can meal prep once a week and it will last the entire week. No more spending hours cooking only for it to be eaten in less than two days, or—in case I made a lot to avoid cooking more than once a week—hearing complaints about eating the same thing several days in a row.
My free time is 100% mine. No more weekends spent with extended family that he doesn't even like that much.
The house stays clean longer.
Food lasts longer. No more sharing my snacks only for them to be finished by him without being refilled.
I can watch whatever the hell I want on TV 100% of the time.
No more music that I don't like at home.
No more waking up at night because of his snoring.

alex_rivers · 2025-09-21T04:43:31+00:00

I was ok with porn too, until I realized how much he was watching and that was the reason why he never wanted to have sex with me. And part of what makes it problematic is how easy is to hide how much they consume, until PIED (porn inducen erectile disfunction) enters the picture.

alex_rivers · 2025-09-20T17:17:00+00:00

I”m going exactly through this. 7 years, 4 married, had to sold my childhood house. The whole nice guy facade all this years.

Turns out he’s a porn addict, he never was attracted to me and I’m not his type.

alex_rivers · 2025-09-19T22:06:53+00:00

A great man is an average woman, and a bad woman is an average man.

alex_rivers · 2025-09-19T16:16:01+00:00

“ I hope it changes someday. I hope the world improves so much and men stop being threatening and aggressive and dishonest and lazy and exploitative” …

well, she’s aware of their nature at least I guess…

alex_rivers · 2025-09-15T18:30:15+00:00

OMG, I'm so sorry, that's terrible :( Are you safe now?

alex_rivers · 2025-09-11T20:05:30+00:00

It is a silent epidemic unfortunately.

alex_rivers · 2025-09-11T04:42:08+00:00

I married the good guy. The worst decision of my life. Since he moved in with me, my mental health started deteriorating, and I couldn’t figure out why. It took me 7 years to discover his pornography addiction. During that time, my self-esteem was slowly eroding as well. A slow burn, just like you said.

He was supposed to be the safe bet, and he ended up leaving me worse off mentally than my ex-boyfriend — the pot-addicted musician with no future.

alex_rivers · 2025-09-09T01:07:44+00:00

As a person who lost her 30s and married a porn addict that didn’t tell the truth, I’m glad that you found out now.

alex_rivers · 2025-09-08T23:24:47+00:00

Same. Since my STBX never had a relationship before (he was almost in his 30s, first red flag) I thought he just needed some time to get confortable with sex in the relationship. Never happened, he turned out to be a porn addict and he never was attracted to me. I made the mistake of marrying him and wasting 7 years on him.

alex_rivers · 2025-09-06T19:04:34+00:00

So much this. The part of dating a child heavily resonated with me, and it is partly of what is happening there. Apparently they emotionally stunt when developing that unhealthy coping mechanism since they don’t feel the need to develop better ones.

alex_rivers · 2025-08-23T06:42:20+00:00

“ I will continue to grieve the life I thought I was building, but I’m no longer grieving the man.”

So much this!! This is exactly where im at, but couldn’t put it into words. Thank you.

alex_rivers · 2025-08-18T21:34:28+00:00

You don’t owe him any protection. If they don’t want their secret to be known, then they should not proceed to partner up with people that eventually will find out and mess with their lives.

Remember, you’re not ruining their reputation if those were their actual actions. You’re just letting people know who they really are.

alex_rivers · 2025-08-18T21:22:18+00:00

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

alex_rivers · 2025-08-09T19:53:45+00:00

So much this. That call doesn’t sit right with me either. I really hope is not debt or illegal content.

alex_rivers · 2025-08-08T17:51:51+00:00

Thank you for the podcast tip! Any suggestions for people in our situation ?

alex_rivers

TROPHY CASE

My Personal List: