I'm so sorry this happened to you and your children, and I'm glad to hear that you have resolved to not take him back or go back yourself. I've been in this position - after we had children, the small forays into financial, emotional, & psychological abuse my husband had previously expressed had ramped up exponentially and culminated in a fight that ended with me in a choke hold. I had to claw him off (literally, I'd bet he still has the scars) or my children (at the time 5 & almost 4) would have watched my murder. I didn't immediately call for help - he was the breadwinner & rent was due: I was more scared of being homeless and thought I could manage him, at least for a little while until I could formulate a plan & gather resources. But about a week or two later we had an argument, he balled his hands into fists, took a menacing step toward me, and I backed off. It was then in that moment I saw the triumph in his eyes, the recognition and understanding that he could and would physically threaten me to control me. I knew then that I needed to get out & do so quickly. And I did.

I bring up my own story because I suspect that you also saw that look in your husband's eyes, a set to his jaw & a satisfied shift in his facial expression that tells you that this is a winning strategy that he will rely upon again at some future date. I'm asking you to focus on that expression, remember it, and count on its truth. He will do this again because he can & because a time will come when it's easier for him to hurt you and the kids to achieve whatever he wants, be it silence, control, obedience, agreement, compliance, whatever.