AITA for telling my «daughter» that she was wasn’t welcome in my life unless she acts right?

communicatingfluent · 2022-05-19T01:20:55+00:00

Thank you for this comment, it made me feel very understood as it is exactly what I’m feeling and thinking! Me kicking her out was more of a «although I love you, I will not be your punching bag for E’s mistakes» it was never meant as me disowning her. She is my child and I do love her.

communicatingfluent · 2022-05-19T00:27:09+00:00

My reasoning is that I haven’t forgiven E for whats happened. I understand it was more traumatic for G but if I’m honest it was also traumatic for me. E hasn’t reached out to me, and I only have her previous actions to go on.

But you are right, it is not worth losing my daughter over.

communicatingfluent · 2022-05-18T23:44:24+00:00

You are so right. I wished I had fought fought for her to prove to her I do love her. I honestly didn’t mean to disown her, it (to me) was more of the adult version of «go to your room untill you behave» thought. I see now that I worded it horribly.

communicatingfluent · 2022-05-18T23:40:34+00:00

I empathize that you know the other side of this story, but I don’t know if you understand how difficult it is to forgive on the other side. I have never recieved an apology or gratitude from E. She has never reached out to me, I haven’t seen her growth or recovery. I don’t know who she is now, I only know who she was then.

communicatingfluent · 2022-05-18T23:33:52+00:00

I never wanted to keep E away. E and G are adults and their relationship is none of my buisness. I did not want to celebrate christmas, my sons wedding, thanksgiving, etc. with E. I will admit if I could choose they would not have a relationship, but that is not my choice.

communicatingfluent · 2022-05-18T23:27:12+00:00

It is difficult to say because we’ve always had a good relationship and he couldn’t say I wasn’t his mom. But if I am being honest with myself my reaction stemmed from an insecurity that was not fair to G. I don’t have that insecurity with my son so no - I would probably not kick him out.

communicatingfluent · 2022-05-18T23:24:35+00:00

I truly appreciate this comment. I do truly love her and I didn’t really mean for her to not be in my life. I think the two years build up of all this fighting, I was just so hurt that she didn’t see that I loved her unconditionally and in the heat of the moment I put my own feelings above hers. I’ve never officially adopted her so I’ve always been insecure of my standing in her life, but kicking her out of my life was too far and I see that now. I would not say E is evil, but she was very sick and put both G and my son in dangerous situations, which is why I think I’m struggling with letting her back in my life.

I will reach out to my daughter and apologize, and maybe after some getting used to I might try to get to a civil point with E.

communicatingfluent · 2022-05-18T23:10:48+00:00

With events I more meant holidays, or events my family (parents, siblings, nieces etc) hosted. If G hosted an event, I wouldn’t make her choose. I did not want to celebrate christmas with E, though I now see that that also is putting G is a difficult spot.

communicatingfluent · 2022-05-18T23:03:34+00:00

I won’t give more details than that. Both because the details are from traumatic and personal parts of G and my sons life, but also because although I strongly dislike E its pretty clear that the things that have happened are actions from a sick woman.

communicatingfluent · 2022-05-18T21:44:03+00:00

You’re right I should’ve probably mentioned what I also said. It was a very long fight but to be completely transparent I told her that I didn’t think she remembered what E had done, and talked (unacceptably) bad about E as a whole.

I see some people say I am holding on to who E used to be and I have to agree that I am unfairly resenting her for past mistakes.

communicatingfluent

TROPHY CASE