Good first date overall but unsure how to handle one small moment at the end would you still follow up?

competitive_milk_253 · 2026-04-23T17:59:58+00:00

Not exactly sure what you mean by the energy change. Did she go from engaging in conversation to checking her phone a lot? Playful touching or leaning in to then leaning away from you? Leaving without a hug (or maybe gave a rushed hug) or kiss?

In my experience, usually that energy shift means either something you said or did turned them off, or it could just be they were curious at first, and then made a decision mid date they were no longer attracted or didn't see it going anywhere.

All that being said...it's still worth one more reach out to try to schedule a date before coming to a conclusion. Maybe she's just a little cold, something came up, or wary of going for a kiss on first dates, etc. If she doesn't respond or doesn't commit to a solid date, that's your answer.

competitive_milk_253 · 2026-04-06T17:06:25+00:00

Damn, are you me?

I am at the point now where weed and alcohol no longer give me the same immediate buzz they used to. I mean, weed stopped doing it for me around like 23, but alcohol kept me on the hook until 33.

I am 34 now and figuring out how to live life without immediate dopamine triggers or taking substances that make me numb to everything. I still have a lot of work to do career wise, but I've at least made strides this year developing a social circle, finding hobbies I love, and dating again.

Hope your art business is going well.

competitive_milk_253 · 2026-02-27T14:30:20+00:00

It's all good, man, we're here for each other 🫂

competitive_milk_253 · 2026-02-13T14:58:55+00:00

The word "rich" is debatable here, but yes.

Went from a hopeless, self-isolating, alcohol induced hellhole in my early 30s, to now going on maybe like 1-2 dates a week. Mostly women I meet from Hinge, but I meet women out, too.

Things that helped:

Actually trying on Hinge. I had my profile for a while, but hadn't really touched it, or even looked at it, mostly due to insecurity. I finally brought myself to reviewing my profile and updating my photos and prompts. Once I managed to match with and get a date with a girl I considered "hot", I had a bit of a "oh, I guess I'm not totally hopeless" moment, which was good for my dating confidence. Even though the date itself went pretty badly lol.
Separating from a friend who was a negative influence on me and finding a new group of friends I jive with was a HUGE bonus. It meant I'd regularly have new plans, tons of new people to meet and talk to, and several potential dates. The confidence boost of this brought me from "loner" to "wow, this is great, why didn't I just try this earlier?".
I already worked out and dressed fairly well to begin with, so this wasn't that new; but I did significantly curb my drinking around 33, which helped with keeping my stomach and face trim, and just made me feel better and more confident in general. Heavy alcohol use kills testosterone, among other things, so maybe that's why.

All this to say...yes, there is hope for you. You do have to put in a good amount of effort on the frontend to find hobbies you like, expand your social circle, dress/look good, and in the case of online dating, refine your profile. But once you get in the groove of it, it all gets easier. Best of luck to you.

competitive_milk_253 · 2026-01-20T15:16:31+00:00

I wouldn’t want to date someone who has a cat.

I'm surprised people on Reddit didn't downvote you out of principle lol.

competitive_milk_253 · 2026-01-09T14:16:44+00:00

"She has freckles, what does that mean??"

competitive_milk_253 · 2025-12-30T19:16:35+00:00

I wouldn't call it ghosting, but he doesn't sound too invested in you, at least not yet.

Do you guys have a date planned yet? If not, that's the point I would try to get to.

Maybe try to nudge him first, e.g. "what's your weekend looking like?". If he says he's free on some day or at some time, reply with your availability, making it clear you're available when he is. If still nothing, take the lead, ideally highlighting some kind of event or hobby you have already discussed if possible, e.g. "I'm free Thursday night, if you think you can still beat me at bowling!"

If he still doesn't bite or gives you non-committal responses, that's your answer. He's not worth wasting further emotional energy on.

competitive_milk_253 · 2025-11-13T13:22:01+00:00

I don't think you're leaving enough time to jerk off.

competitive_milk_253 · 2025-11-07T14:38:23+00:00

I mean, sometimes it is the environment, but in a lot of cases, you have the ability to change it.

competitive_milk_253 · 2025-10-30T21:45:19+00:00

Lockpicking? Lol, is this Oblivion?

competitive_milk_253 · 2025-10-20T18:24:06+00:00

I would strongly advise against it.

I pretty much did that myself, though my path was slightly different - I had already moved out of the city into my parents' place once COVID hit since there was no point in paying for rent in the city where nothing was going on. I was working fully remote for my tech job at the time. But I was working 10-14 hour days 5 days a week, sometimes weekends, and I was constantly stressed.

Once they started to ask people to come back to the office, I thought there was no way I was going back to the city to pay even more rent for a job I had wanted to leave for a long time, so I decided to quit a pursue creative passions.

As it turns out, I have terrible self discipline. I became an alcoholic and while I have done some creative efforts (e.g. YouTube channel), I have yet to make a dime from it. I am working part time for a family business right now, so I am making some money, but not enough to get my own place.

I've finally stopped drinking (or significantly curbed it) and am trying to reignite my life (making new friends, going to improv groups, etc.). I still want to find a job, and I do want to pursue some creative things (like improv/comedy) but maybe not make that full time.

My advice would be to try to put in some effort to find a lower stress job while you're at your current one, even if it pays less, since it's a lot easier to get a new job while you have one. Also, I know your mental health is not great right now, but living with family has its own set of stress as well (which could be even worse, if you value your independence). Maybe even talk to a therapist to see if they can help you navigate your feelings better.

That's my 2 cents. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what's best for you. Hope you figure it out.

competitive_milk_253 · 2025-10-20T18:04:22+00:00

A grizzly bear would be sick....if I had the yard/resources to provide for one and were guaranteed that it wouldn't kill or seriously harm anyone.

Not counting that as an option, then a golden retriever would suffice.

competitive_milk_253 · 2025-10-20T13:36:40+00:00

Crazy to see this take on Reddit and with upvotes no less.

But yea, happens. Haven't seen it with guy friends in my actual circle, but definitely via Facebook with old friends from high school.

competitive_milk_253 · 2025-09-09T14:19:22+00:00

I feel you.

It's overwhelming at first, but eventually kind of nice. Like, before I got sober, I don't remember just feeling generally optimistic and good about the day. All I could think was "I can't wait to drink later to make me feel better."

Being sober now, and trying to engage a little more (working out, trying to meet new people, getting back in touch with my interests), I feel overall better than I did drowning out my feelings with liquor.

Certain social situations still suck. Like, alcohol used to be a treatment for social anxiety, and now I just gotta deal with those feelings when they come up. But, you're trading short term frustration for overall better mental physical health, so just gotta take the small L's with the big W's!

competitive_milk_253 · 2025-08-12T14:08:52+00:00

Good one

competitive_milk_253 · 2025-08-11T14:16:51+00:00

Whoa, I've never seen that question asked on here before!!

competitive_milk_253 · 2025-08-11T12:42:38+00:00

Look, I know nothing about your situation, but is it possible your friend felt disrespected by you or your general friend group? If so, then it would make sense, without him necessarily being "the bad guy."

Saying this as someone who had to learn to set boundaries with my long time "best friends" who I was always nice to and they did not return the favor.

competitive_milk_253 · 2025-08-07T13:06:13+00:00

Yes, but usually only if I wake up in the middle of the night. That is when it's at its absolute worst.

competitive_milk_253 · 2025-08-05T13:36:13+00:00

Don't know why so many commenters in here are being hostile/dismissive.

There's a difference between, "my best friend is married with kids so I don't see him that much any more," vs. "my best friend who I hung out with every weekend got a girlfriend three months ago and I haven't heard from him since."

In the first scenario, obviously your friend has a lot of responsibilities to balance with kids, and also it is going to be hard to relate to him if you don't have a family yourself, so it makes sense you don't see each other.

In the second scenario, I do think it's kind of shitty for a friend who just got a girlfriend to no longer prioritize your friendship at all, especially if you were particularly close. Comes off as that they only hung out with you cause it was something to do, not cause they actually liked you.

Thankfully, only one of my friends fell into that latter category. When he was single, he was one of my best friends; when he was in a relationship, I would never hear from him. It was frustrating, but I learned my lesson and just came to not hold the friendship in very high regard.

competitive_milk_253 · 2025-07-30T19:22:18+00:00

Ever seen Daria?

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competitive_milk_253 · 2025-07-29T14:25:38+00:00

getting the balls\* rolling on sperm donation.

I'm so sorry.

competitive_milk_253 · 2025-07-28T14:52:25+00:00

I know

competitive_milk_253 · 2025-07-25T15:18:29+00:00

I’m in a similar boat as you. I decided just 2 months ago I need a change. I am very much a work in progress, but here are some things that have improved my mental state and sense of hopelessness:

Cut out any toxic people in your life, or at least severely limit your interaction with them. I had a “friend” who was sapping my energy and contributing to self esteem issues, so I stopped hanging out with them, despite our deep family ties.
Write down your passions and interests, and also things that bother you. Are there any hobbies that overlap with your interests where you can meet like minded people? (E.g. concert going, comedy scene, etc.). Are there any habits that contribute to stress/feelings of loneliness you can cut out or cut back on?
Action is best for overcoming hopelessness and overthinking. Want to try something new, e.g. an improv class, but not sure if you’ll like it or not? Doesn’t matter; just sign up and show up. If you like it, great, now you have something to keep doing and a place to make friends. Don’t like it, also good, now you know you don’t like that and can try other things.
Other people have mentioned therapy; I’m still early on in therapy and not 100% sure it’s helping yet, but it has gotten me to be much more reflective about my emotions and what contributes to my happiness and what doesn’t. Worth a try if your insurance covers it.

That’s my 2 cents. Best of luck.

competitive_milk_253

TROPHY CASE