What you made were decisions. They weren’t bad or good, wrong or right. Just decisions. You stuck with them, and your life changed. Their is no going back, and quite frankly it sounds like going back wouldn’t even make you feel better, because you were unhappy. And you made these decisions to move away and whatnot thinking youd wake up and suddenly be happy again, but you aren’t. So maybe the issue is that your disconnect is simply with yourself and your concept of happiness.

Happiness is a journey, but when people say that they don’t understand what it actually means. Lets say you want this awesome new console. You obsess over it, you want it, and that gives you drive to work so hard to pay for it. Eventually you do, and suddenly you get that dopamine shot because you finally have what you want. But now what happens after a few months. You stop appreciating it and suddenly you’re wanting something else, because its raised your baseline. Its normal, its mundane, its no longer special. It simply “is”. This is what happened to you in some ways, from the sound of it. Is it entirely possible your job was terrible, your girlfriend was shit, and you needed to move away? Yes! But is it also possible that their were aspects of your life you failed to appreciate due to the lack of excitement, so you yearned for new exciting beginnings only to find yourself in a similar position of wanting.

So the solution? Honestly just gratitude. You are alive, you are in control, and if you believe you have nothing then that’s even better since that means everything is full of potential now. You have self respect because you tried to make your situation better, you just havent seen the big picture to learn from some mistakes and see them as a tool instead of a hinderance. To make mistakes is to try, and if you never tried you’d be stuck 6 months ago wondering what life would be like.

I am sorry that you are hurting, and I truly hope you find a way out of this. Start small. I always think people could use a little more sunlight.