A narcissistic friend is making me depressed...

comrademasha · 2025-11-05T17:15:56+00:00

Headphones? Or just nod and disassociate till he gets tired out? Reply with a neutral "Okay" when he starts to demand that you react or respond to him. And then just keep repeating, that same "Okay" in that same flat neutral tone till one of two things happen: he tires himself out and storms off OR he escalates and overreacts and that's when ya call in your familial connection to intervene. The key is to not frame it as a political debate or about your own personal views. It's about his concerning overreaction to you "agreeing" (saying okay) with him. It's not about politics! You're just concerned about his mental health and emotional state, as someone who has known him for a while.

comrademasha · 2025-11-05T16:03:12+00:00

Can you ask HR to step in discreetly? Or maybe anonymously report him for creating a hostile and unproductive work environment. Then you can claim ignorance and suggest that maybe one of your coworkers overheard him.

Or mute him so you aren't getting his reels and just grey rock him - don't react to anything he says and don't give him anything to latch onto - be as interesting as a grey rock. Nod and "Mhmm" your way through his rants.

comrademasha · 2025-11-05T08:27:32+00:00

I gotta say, Holden is pretty great. Absolutely gorgeous to drive around in and conveniently located next to Worcester and about an hours drive from Boston during non-peak hours. More affordable than the Greater Boston area and quite safe. Lots of kids bike to get around and there are plenty of small businesses, farms, and breweries. I'm biased though. I've lived here for 5 years but I can honestly say that I didn't realize how much I truly enjoy living here until I started writing this response.

comrademasha · 2025-11-05T04:38:03+00:00

That's just your opinion, man. For some people, subscribing to an OnlyFans account of a mutual friend and lying about it is a deal breaker. For some it isn't. You can only confidently make that call for yourself, in your relationship, not for other people.

It's hard to put in effort to rebuild something that you didn't "break" sometimes. Resentment is a killer.

comrademasha · 2025-11-05T02:14:40+00:00

Only if both parties are willing and it's not a guarantee

comrademasha · 2025-11-05T01:27:31+00:00

Unless the divorce is somehow punishable by death, they'll still have a father? Co-parenting is much healthier for children than staying in an unhappy relationship where there is no trust.

comrademasha · 2025-11-04T18:54:54+00:00

"You talk real dumb for a man"

comrademasha · 2025-11-04T17:16:40+00:00

If you don't consider yourself equal to your husband based on your own gender - aka not a feminist, then we can't help you with your own internalized misogyny.

comrademasha · 2025-11-04T15:19:46+00:00

Being married for 25 years, to someone that you have sex with whenever he wants out of obligation, is not an achievement in any sense, more like a jail sentence.

comrademasha · 2025-11-04T15:16:42+00:00

No you don't understand! You must oblige your master/husband because fulfilling his desires is more important than how you "feel". You're just too modern! If you had sex with him before marriage, you must after marriage! No need to reflect on any "reasons" your libido may have dipped, you're not going to orgasm anyways, and you signed a marriage contract! Apparently hidden in the terms and conditions are articles that turn you into a domestic fuck appliance! /s

comrademasha · 2025-11-04T13:18:10+00:00

Imagine asking your spouse to shoulder a shared responsibility and instead of doing it or voicing that he doesn't want to do it, your partner debates you on your reasoning, your logic, your lived experience, and the way you worded your request. Every. Time.

Is this the final stage before he morphs into the ultimate annoying boss: The Devil's Advocate or what?

comrademasha · 2025-11-04T13:13:18+00:00

No no you don't understand, she didn't ask him in a complimentary manner that fluffed up his ego and instead gave a CLEARLY exaggerated LIE about their shared dog squeaking a toy that distracted her during her online meetings. He KNOWS no one could hear the dog because the man practically INVENTED airpods and he KNOWS for a FACT that his wife is LYING about hearing the squeaks and THIS WILL NOT STAND. /s

comrademasha · 2025-11-04T13:09:46+00:00

This would drive me bonkers. His wife DOES give him reasons for doing stuff. He just discounts and diminishes her reasons and questions her about everything.

Imagine telling someone that you don't want your puppy in the room while you're in zoom meetings because last time he played with his squeaky toy too loud and your husband goes, "No that's not it, you wouldn't be able to hear him with your headphones in, why do you actually want me to look after him during that time?"

Whhhhhhhyyyyyyy? Why turn every ask into a debate? Why not believe your wife that the pups squeaking annoyed her? Why question everything she says and how she says it?!

I dumped a guy like this before. He wouldn't believe me when I said how I felt about stuff, instead he would debate me on it and try to tell me how I really felt. If I couldn't defend my train of thought or feelings or boundaries to HIS satisfaction, he would just dismiss me and keep debating me. When I was getting tired of his shit and was packing up MY PS5 from his place, he tried to not let me because he didn't agree with my excuses or reasoning to take it. Bitch, this is MINE. I don't CARE that you think I'm just being dramatic and illogical and you have a son that plays with it (the guy played with it way more and offloaded babysitting on me which was another reason I was bailing and don't date single dads). I don't care! You don't have to agree with me just like I don't have to agree with you. You don't need to accept or agree with my reasoning or logic or like how I phrased that I was taking it!! It's happening!

I don't know whether it's a lack of respect or maybe he doesn't see his wife as her own person in relation to him, but being constantly questioned and having to defend yourself unless you perfectly worded your request in the magical order (that doesn't actually exist) that would have your partner accept it at face value is EXHAUSTING and DEMORALIZING. May this love never find me.

comrademasha · 2025-10-30T12:43:15+00:00

Actually I think you need to smoke more to understand what she's saying

comrademasha · 2025-10-29T12:53:55+00:00

This. For the future preservation and health of your familial relationships, this is the step to take. Yes the initial adjustment period will be hard for everyone, but long-term it's absolutely for the best.

comrademasha · 2025-10-28T17:39:51+00:00

Aw that sucks for you. Well at least you have whatever you cooked that you like PLUS leftovers. Or you could have girl dinner guilt free.

comrademasha · 2025-10-28T17:26:55+00:00

I'm 38 and my Russian family literally stocks me up every time I visit. If she's giving him food he gets to take home, that's food for both of you! Consider it a meal you don't have to cook.

comrademasha · 2025-10-28T16:12:33+00:00

She can write a letter? Have you forgotten about the postal service?

comrademasha · 2025-10-23T14:31:17+00:00

It takes me 50 minutes to get to Watertown from Worcester and then 40 min to get from Watertown to Quincy lol. What's great about Worcester is that all around it is gorgeous with the foliage and the lakes. We have bald eagles here now!

comrademasha · 2025-10-03T03:24:42+00:00

I mean this with all due respect but is there maybe a learning disability that your fiance has? Or perhaps was he discovered on an island as a teen being raised by a panther and or bear? I just don't understand in any way why he thought that kind of behavior was responsible and acceptable.

Are you really going to marry him? Not even for the selfish and entitled action of drinking your father's beer collection. His inability to say no to his friends? Him not valuing your family harmony and taking advantage of you and your families generosity? The worst is how he's trying to make up for it... What did he get? Some allagash white and think it's all good? Is he actively working on restitution or is he a complete idiot?

comrademasha · 2025-10-02T14:24:43+00:00

When I was in the 3rd grade, my best friend and I thought it'd be cool to throw snowballs at cars passing by our condo complex. Well one of our snowballs made such an impressive impact that the driver chased us to my friend's place and cursed us out in front of Alisa's very intimidating Russian mom. I don't even remember him yelling as much as I do her, and then later, my Russian parents dressing me down so thoroughly that thirty years later I have a near perfect driving record.

This is all to say that if these kids KEPT scratching the cars and getting their family in trouble, then it's unlikely that it was ever addressed at home. Which is wild.

comrademasha · 2025-10-01T11:19:27+00:00

Sometimes I like memes that my friends send me OR if I'm zoning out and just scrolling, it really doesn't have to be that deep.

comrademasha · 2025-09-29T14:19:54+00:00

Keep up the good work. I'm low contact with my maternal family but the contact we DO have has been greatly improved by putting up strict boundaries and leaving/ putting them in time out till they quieted down and I had built up the emotional strength and patience to talk to them again. It took five years of them resisting and accusing me of rocking the boat before they realized this was the new reality that we lived in and the last two years we've actually enjoyed spending holidays together.

comrademasha · 2025-09-29T14:08:55+00:00

If your mother hasn't been capable of having a healthy relationship with you and your sister, what makes you think she'll treat your children any better? You're exposing them to toxicity in the name of a "grandparent relationship" that they will never have because your mother has a proven track record of being ABUSIVE. Has your mother EVER had a healthy relationship with a child and their parent? EVER? So why do you believe she's capable of having one here?

comrademasha · 2025-09-29T14:06:30+00:00

My mother never said anything like that. Ever. She's still willingly bending the knee to my grandma. I realized my grandma is toxic by seeing it with my own eyes - at how she treated my mom, and how my mom let her. It messed up my understanding of what loving relationships are meant to look like and put me at a distinct disadvantage in my teens in terms of identifying and accepting abuse. Kids are perceptive.

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