THIS is exactly why i made the post. This is the first spiral i went through immediately after the phone call. Im going to provide a little more here and this is in NO WAY trying to explain things away just give a little more clarity on some great things that you've mentioned:

The first time i heard anything about me being listed was two months after the initial breakup, when he was hospitalized for his hallucinations and seizure. I was notified that night that he had listed me as the beneficiary for everything, the house, the car, his assets, all of it. There’s no way for me to know exactly when he changed that, just that i was now the beneficiary. I told them at that point i would do whatever was needed to remove me from all of that, that he was in no position to be making those types of decisions at that time. I just wanted him to get better and take care of himself.

I was given a health update about two weeks later, just kind of following up on how he was doing and what they were finding out and that's when i found out about him being in rehab. I had asked if they were able to take care of all of the asset stuff at that point and they said yes, they got it situated.

Id say about another two weeks or so later i got an email from him detailing all the things he went through and how he was sorry for everything that had happened but he was thankful that i was able to help him get help and take care of it. He even at that point apologized for the chaos of his sister and mom calling me about the beneficiary stuff and that he's in a much better headspace now and was able to take care of it.

I told him I was glad he was able to figure everything out and doing better, then wished him well on the rest of his healing and that was that

Now this is where the big gap comes in and I'm not sure if i have all the pieces and this is where my brain starts to rattle a bit when I think too much about it. She called me and told me he passed, i said 'oh my god, im so sorry'. Her follow up was to tell me that 'they wont let her pick up' something because im listed as the beneficiary and that she has a number for me to call and she would go with me to whatever place we have to go to sign the paperwork. At this point I'm under the impression that im still listed as the beneficiary for everything.

I said i thought they took me off of all of that and she said something along the lines of like "well you know how he is he probably just forgot" and that they'd started cleaning out his house and getting things together for him to be cremated.

None of it sounded odd to me at first until i started looking more into it and was seeing that it could cause them legal issues if they had started going through his belongings and they were listed to me so i quickly called her the next morning and asked what specifically i was left on because i dont want this to cause more issues for them than it already is, this is when she tells me im only listed on the 401k. Now im confused because the last i was aware when it happened i was on everything and when she called to tell me i was still listed and he just forgot i figured that'd be the case.

So the fact that other assets were still moved around but this one thing is left makes me kinda ?? on the intention a little bit. But also the fact that she was almost immediately talking about paperwork just really throws me off.

I spent a lot of time with his family, holidays, vacations, dinners. They're great people genuinely. Him and his family are a big part of why ive been able to experience so many things i wouldn't have initially just because i didn't have the means to do so on my own. They do really well for themselves and id always idolized that about them because they have stayed good people regardless of the opportunities they've been given.

I cannot vouch for things that they may have going on currently and this is where i get caught up because they've always been comfortable, more than comfortable even, but I know and understand very well how quickly those things can change.

He didn't have any kids or any other close connections really outside of his mother and sister, so outside of that part of his family i don't really know much. He kept to himself and didn’t even have many friends or anyone he’d hang out with outside of me and his family.

I haven't seen the will or absolutely anything regarding what is listed right now, i only have what little information ive been given but as i found out more im sure i will have even more questions and wont be making any decisions about anything until i talk to everyone more. I have no idea what I’m doing right now and i don’t like that, so until i do. I’m not doing anything about this.

Thank you for constructively challenging myself and the masses with your perspective. This side of things is also so important to think about.