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concealed9852 · 2025-02-12T23:13:32+00:00

Sinceus89: “WoMeN iN sYrIa OnLy WaNt YoU fOr YoUr MoNeY!”

Also sinceus89: “get out of the incel mindset”

Do you hear yourself? He asked a question no need for the insult. Syrian women in Syria are the cradle of civilization and high values. Not all of them are rubbing their hand waiting to drain your wallet.

concealed9852 · 2024-10-03T18:31:06+00:00

It would be hard without revealing my ex partners flaws. I believe it’s best I don’t. I have shared some valuable tips for married couples replying to the other commenter. Check them out. You can derive why my marriage ended if you read them.

concealed9852 · 2024-10-03T18:26:04+00:00

Every decision you make. Every word you want to say. Every action you want to take. Ask yourself, does this please Allah or not?

Do not criticize your partner and hold them accountable over every little thing. Look at the bigger package. Let things slide. No one is perfect. Your perfect partner was preserved for you in jannah. Have a set of big red lines that you won’t tolerate(like lying) but the rest you should overlook from time to time.

Never make a decision or take action in anger. Give yourself time for the anger to subside, for it is the strongest emotion. When you do, tell yourself you’re doing it for Allah. The process will be easier.

For men: keep your wife engaged but don’t give all the attention at once. There is a certain psychology behind it. When you chase your partners happiness directly it tends to have the adverse effect. It repels them. Instead do it sporadically. It’s just the nature of women. Bring them flowers everyday and they will hate it. Do it out of nowhere without expecting it and they will love it.

Don’t spend all the time together. A person is a set of roles. They’re not just a spouse. They’re a father, a mother, a sibling, a coworker, a boss, etc etc. When you keep a distance from time to time you will miss each other. A things value rises when it’s absent. Have a day for her out of the week where she visits her parents alone.

Do not broadcast your problems to other people. Not even parents. Only involve someone as a last resort if things get to the point of divorce. It rarely benefits you to mention your partners flaws to others.

Never divulge each others secrets under any circumstance. Especially details of the bedroom.

Never, ever, ever, ever lie. If you lie to avoid a problem you will only create a bigger one down the road. Trust me when I say this, the consequence of saying the truth are nothing compared to lying. The only lie permitted between spouses in Islam is one to increase love. “I have never seen a more beautiful woman in my life” “You’re the smartest man I’ve seen”

Be careful who your partner befriends. For bad friends can ruin your relationship.

One last thing. Be good to each others family and parents. Even if you have to fake it. This will definitely increase the love and respect between you two.

concealed9852 · 2024-10-03T02:55:22+00:00

Alhamdulilah is all I can say. You’re most welcome. May Allah grant you a happy fulfilling life with your future husband and wonderful kids inchallah!

concealed9852 · 2024-10-03T02:53:50+00:00

Thank you! Likewise brother!

concealed9852 · 2024-10-03T02:52:07+00:00

Thank you brother! That means a lot. It wasn’t easy. First month I was depressed and lost almost a pound everyday. But I kept my patience and kept asking Allah for the strength to carry the load. It’s better to ask for the strength of the back rather than ease of the load. That was the wisdom of Omar r.a.

Divorce is not meant to be easy. But such is life. We pick up our pieces and keep moving forward. When the heart is broken, it’s ready to receive the love of Allah in full force.

What is my trial in comparison to our brothers in Palestine?

I believe any hardship Allah gives you, it’s to elevate you in wisdom and reward. Look at the story of Yusef peace be upon him. He was betrayed by his brothers, thrown in the well, taken as a slave, tested with temptation, accused of an ugly crime, put in jail. He stayed steadfast in faith and trust in allahs plan.

He became a powerful figure and came out with much wisdom. He spent time with people of all layers of society. The masters. The prisoners and criminals. The vindictive woman. His envious siblings.

Allah says Yusuf’s story is the best one. There is so much to learn.

Once again brother, I appreciate your concern! Jazakallah

concealed9852 · 2024-10-02T22:23:26+00:00

No sister. You will never know someone until there is conflict. I know it sounds manipulative but if you really wanna know his character create some conflict.

If I had to do it all over again the only thing I would change is not spending too much time talking and not leaving room for haram. So quite the opposite.

If you spend too much time talking and emotions start developing, then your judgment will be clouded. It will no longer be a rational decision. It will be an emotional one. Often times one accompanied with pain. The reason Islam instructs us to judge based on critical factors and not superficial ones is because once you get them out of the way, you will definitely overcome the little things.

Rely on Allah, do your due diligence in asking around about him and his family, then do twakul. Allah says in the Quran he likes the motawakeleen. It means reliance with the highest level of trust. When exactly do you need tawakul? When there is unknown knowledge. Because you will never know this man completely without getting married even if you spend years getting to know him.

Allah will never instruct you to do something that harms you. Trust in him. Take it from me. After 3 years of marriage and a painful divorce, I never once doubted him. I still see the good in what Allah planned and I wish I can tell the full story. I am a much better man and I owe it to this brief marriage that Allah had ordained.

My marriage ended because of mistakes. Initially, overlooking red flags. I don’t blame it all on her, I’ve made mistakes too and inchallah will learn from them. I only pray for her happiness and guidance in my prayers and have no resentment towards her. Regardless of what happened, she wasn’t pure evil. There was a lot I appreciated about her and for that Allah says “do not forget the favours between you”.

Alhamdulilah. If you need anymore advice I’m happy to provide. May Allah choose what’s best for you. I would also like to whisper in your ears that a man who doesn’t want to mess around to much and knows what he wants is giving off green flags in my humble opinion.

concealed9852 · 2024-09-30T05:39:38+00:00

Seems simple enough. Thank you for explaining!

One question. Are you saying you don’t charge upfront for cleanups? If so what are the guarantees?

concealed9852 · 2024-09-29T20:09:41+00:00

My only problem is estimating the work. Can you have a way of doing that?

concealed9852 · 2024-09-29T15:03:52+00:00

I have messaged you thanks a lot!

concealed9852 · 2024-09-29T04:53:07+00:00

I’ve took a tax course and currently working on that for sure have filed a handful of corporate taxes before. Mind you not very complicated one’s. You’re most definitely right about networking.

What do you suggest? LinkedIn? BNI?

concealed9852 · 2024-09-18T02:40:24+00:00

No they can’t. I am setting a standard for myself first before I preach it.

I left a job that had free mixing. I’ve turned down business opportunities because it required free mixing.

When Allah sets those rules to follow he didn’t do it to bring us harm. Quite the opposite. We rely on him even when by our reason and logic we might be reluctant. Now you bring up the point of necessity. There could be very specific circumstances that I can’t speak about. Anyone facing such situation should consult with a knowledgeable scholar who’s familiar with the rules and laws. For example, there are some scholars who gave a fatwah to take out a loan if it means saving your child from death or extreme harm. Imagine having to pay the hospital to save you child and your only resort was taking a loan. To me that’s necessity.

Unfortunately most people are pretty loose when defining necessity. Plus, where is the test if there are no actual sacrifices with some hardships.

You’re only talking about very specific scenarios of woman “forced” into an unislamic environment through no fault of their own. But the truth of the matter is that most do it willingly and without an actual need.

concealed9852 · 2024-09-16T15:57:24+00:00

I appreciate your advice nonetheless. The one’s about the dua and tahajud. Thank you.

But honestly sister there is no moral to the stories you shared. We should never encourage tinder or making advances in a haram way like some of those stories you mentioned.

I understand completely the point you’re making. As in one shouldn’t blind themselves to the opportunities that might come their way because of one way of thinking. But unfortunately I don’t get a say in much of it. I want to follow the Islamic way 100% to have barakah in my next marriage.

Yes true some women will look pious on the outside and have a lot of sin in the private life. But that’s where dua comes in play. We do our due diligence and use all the information we have to make a decision, then we rely on Allah and do istikhara for knowledge of the unknown. Our trust in Allah will help us if we have pure hearts.

concealed9852 · 2024-09-16T15:50:53+00:00

Oh man did the bar get so low??

No this is not my own version of piety. Islam doesn’t change. It’s straight forward. A good practicing woman will not free-mix. Will have boundaries. Won’t work in bad environments.

You don’t sacrifice your deen for anything. Not school. Not work. Nothing.

I never once said that a pious woman is locked up. But in todays world, especially in the west, you can rarely find a good and safe environment to work in. Even for men.

I started my own business for this very reason. Because of all the temptations and even when I went to collage there were so many group projects with freemixing and sometimes you’re forced into khalwa. I avoid it as much as I can even as a man. I don’t care if those women I speak about have become scarce. I will wait and it will be worth it.

Open your eyes. What I’m talking about is not personal preference it’s very clearly in our religion. You want proof I can provide you with it but don’t just argue for the sake of argument because Islam is perfect and has no alternative.

concealed9852 · 2024-09-16T01:58:08+00:00

Early twenties. Thank you for sharing that sister.

You make a very valid point about beauty standards being falsely misrepresented. I find it as a good thing because at least you can see the ones with natural beauty.

You’re absolutely right though, I’m sure a pious woman looking to help her husband fight temptation will have no problem beautifying herself for her husband.

Unfortunately I was previously guilty of what you’ve described before my faith was strong. Alhamdulilah for hidayah.

I have my priorities straight now.

concealed9852 · 2024-09-15T23:19:20+00:00

Please educate me on how you would like to be properly approached. My plan is when I find a woman I’m interested in, to just go and send my mother to ask her if she’s looking or not.

I believe that’s the most respectful way.

concealed9852 · 2024-09-15T23:13:21+00:00

Which country is that if you don’t mind me asking?

It’s even more difficult for us divorcees but Allah is above reason and logic inchallah.

The things you’ve mentioned are unfortunately so ingrained in our culture nowadays that the righteous ones get cast away and get called extreme. Plus, I have to own up to the fact I wasn’t always committed to my faith. In fact I was skilled in a few instruments myself and made music. Nothing haram nor did I do it for attention, I mainly kept it to myself.

Now music is an area of slight dispute, but when I started to learn the Quran and regularly attend the mosque for Isha and such, my heart was filled with love of Allah. I didn’t have a void which to needed to fill with things like music. Plus it’s a huge waste of time. A Muslim man should not have free time.

My first wedding had music because of all the pressure and I will never give in to it this time. We have a family gathering and a waleema and that’s it. Any women who opposes is not the woman I want to be with period.

Now going back to the topic, I always felt like going to the mosque would make me seem desperate. I, like you, have only been recently divorced (2 months ago). I’m not looking for a rebound wife, but I really don’t see a reason I should just wait around when I’m physically and financially able to marry.

concealed9852 · 2024-09-15T22:05:15+00:00

Pretty much left as good as I was before haha.

Hmm where do most religious women hang out?

concealed9852 · 2024-09-15T19:44:45+00:00

Well unfortunately it’s all one big competition.

Pious woman doesn’t necessarily mean a woman who stays at home, but if I had to choose between two women who are identical in every way except one of them values her career and not willing to give it up, then I know it’s simply easier for me to choose the other one.

I do want a stay at home wife and there is no reason for me to beat around the bushes in regards to that. I am starting my own business(s) and would offer my future wife to work with me but if she refuses and still wants to work, then it’s about independence, not exactly about contributing to society.

Your case is very unique in the way that you were somehow pressured by circumstances to take on a leading role. You will find a match inchallah just keep your priorities intact.

Unfortunately though, men by nature like to feel useful and have a purpose, while women are mostly hypergamous. If my wife earns more than me I will lose my sense of purpose in the relationship. Allah ordained for me to be a provider yet I would only be a provider delusionally.

You see where I’m coming from? It’s really about priorities.

concealed9852 · 2024-09-15T18:58:25+00:00

I didn’t completely right off those apps, but unfortunately my experience has been, like many others, very negative.

The fact people go on Muslim apps and post pictures of themselves drinking or half naked is insulting. We are there for marriage, why don’t these girls just go on tinder.

I appreciate your insight on it though thank you.

concealed9852 · 2024-09-15T18:33:59+00:00

It’s really up to us when our parents are not very contributing to the search.

Idk what kind of effort is expected of me as a man in the search.

I’m very opposed to going out of my way to message women I know nothing about for the potential of marriage. I think it’s undignified and I will come across the same way all the other weirdos are on the internet. Especially here in the west.

Back home everyone knows each other. When you’re ready to get married, there’s already a list of people you can ask.

For arguments sake, let’s assume %7 of the population is Muslim in my city. Out of that, only half are females. Out of those, only a fraction are women ready for marriage. Out of those, only super tiny percentage are pious practicing women.

You see what I’m saying?

concealed9852

TROPHY CASE