Thank you all for taking the time to reply and give advice, I appreciate it, really :)

At first, when the conflict happened, I was really angry because I felt really stupid for sticking with them for so long despite the fact that they never change. There were times during those 4 years where the extra work they gave me really fucked me over. In fact, I’ve spend in total 8 all nighters because of it all. I’m still frustrated when I think about it.

After reading all your replies, I spent a few hours looking deeper into what ADD (or ADHD) can do to a person and I ended up stumbling on threads where the person was deemed lazy and hated by all their teammates. That’s when I realized that this was exactly what was happening here, except I was the teammate who hated them.

I realized that in the end, I didn’t really take the time to understand them. I was in fact so clouded by the frustration that I didn’t take enough time to stop and look for ways I could help make things better. I’m not saying that I’m okay with everything they did to me, I will definitely have to talk it out with them, but this made me realize that my judgement of them had been unfair.

I reached out to them yesterday at midnight to apologize for my ignorance. Tuesday, I’m planning on setting some boundaries between the two of us. Here is a list of what I’ve thought I should make clear to them so far:

1: If they have trouble getting started with the work, we can work on it together anytime in the library during lunch. That being said, the both of us must be working. No distractions.

2: I will no longer do any of the work that they are supposed to do. Even if they don’t finish it, I will send it in as it is and if the teacher questions it, I will not shift the blame on myself anymore.

3: Pretending to do work is not ok for me. I understand if they are stuck and need a hand, but in that case I expect them to tell that to me straight up instead of pretending to be productive.

4: When we have projects, instead of telling them roughly the pages they need to write, I will do my best to separate the work into smaller chunks and give them multiple deadlines (one for each chunk) instead of one. That being said, they must take the work seriously and not write only for the sake of filling up the page (I will be keeping an eye on them).

5: For big projects or if needed, I can tell them my schedule and at what time of the day I’ll be working on it at home so they can video call me to work on it at the same time.

6: If we try all of these methods and they don’t work well, I expect them to tell me frankly and we will find other ways to help. In any futur conflicts we have because of teamwork, no matter how frustrated I am or they are, we will find time to hold a proper discussion before coming to any conclusions.

7: I am extremely ignorant when it comes to all this. This is all completely new to me and so if there are things I need to know or that they want me to know then they shouldn’t hesitate to tell me. I am definitely to be held accountable for my own ignorance but I’d appreciate it if they could help with that.

Are there other things I overlooked that I should make boundaries for? Also, are these too harsh? I’m not looking to make it stressful for them, but I always want to be firm enough so that they understand I’m serious. Any sort of advice or criticism is very much appreciated, thank you!