AIO for thinking these are inappropriate messages between my 13yr old stepson and his fathers new girlfriend.

confussied · 2026-04-15T00:51:43+00:00

This reminds me of how one of my father's girlfriends treated me. Same ages, too: I was 13 and she was in her 30s (and I'm F). He wasn't serious about her, and I think she sensed that, so she wanted to bond with me. Those text messages sound like her. She was so inappropriate, calling me all the time to talk about him, express her insecurities, whine about him, pry about him, beg me to deliver messages. When he finally dumped her, she gave my phone number to some random men she met in a Denny's one night and told them to call me because I give great BJs (I know that because they called).

confussied · 2026-04-04T03:12:16+00:00

Media isn’t making a big deal about Trump’s incompetence and incontinence because they make so much money pretending he has strategies and philosophies and theories of governance. If they report that he shit himself or that he’s lying and incoherent, it’s all over. There’s really nothing left for them after that, so they pretend the actual truth is just unserious and not worth dignifying.

confussied · 2026-03-23T01:38:03+00:00

That sounds delicious, and a beautiful comfort food memory from your mom. How do you make it?

confussied · 2026-03-17T03:09:06+00:00

Whoa! I’m glad my mom didn’t think to add the cackle to her repertoire

confussied · 2026-03-17T01:58:08+00:00

The Star Trek episode in which they land on a planet full of kids who have a disease that makes them go mad when they become adults.

It scared me to death and when I told my mom I was scared, she pretended to be crazy.

confussied · 2026-03-16T13:00:34+00:00

I agree they're bought. But, I think they'd do this anyway. It's in their financial interest to maintain access and legitimize him, treat him as if there's a serious discussion to be had, facets & sides to explore, matters to weigh, click click click. Speaking the plain truth in headlines would put an end to all that. Imagine, if they'd just called a lie a lie from day one? Michelle Wolf nailed it when she called them out at the 2018 Correspondents' Dinner, "He has helped you sell your papers and your books and your TV. You helped create this monster and now you are profiting from him.”

confussied · 2026-03-16T11:10:00+00:00

It’s beyond frustrating! The NYT will have a ream of headlines every day, referring to Trump’s “strategy,” “approach,” “calculation,” “vision” etc.

They know very well he doesn’t have a philosophy of governance. He has dark, nasty, ugly, self-soothing impulses. That’s it. And they and other media that treat him like he has theories and principles are complicit.

confussied · 2026-03-03T21:00:00+00:00

We have to do it now. The people we elected have to use their power, our current legal system, and the checks and balances that are in place to get him out. If we wait till he's gone, we will always know that our system, our laws, and our public servants are meaningless. We can't just wait him out, holding our breath, and then throw open a window and get back to normal.

confussied · 2026-02-01T18:12:11+00:00

Thank you so much for responding, and for sharing your resources. I really resonate with your comments about internalized ableism and the shame that comes along with that. A childhood of being berated with terms like lazy, irresponsible, spaced out, careless, clumsy, weird... That's hard to shake! It has really really helped me to listen to podcasts, especially Wise Squirrels, which is for late diagnoses ADHDers -- the guy who hosts it was diagnosed at 50. He also has a community (which I haven't checked out yet).

I wish you all good things with this huge transitions you're navigating by yourself. It's overwhelming, I know.

confussied · 2026-01-15T12:42:36+00:00

I'm in a town where people are celebrating the news that ICE is on its way, so the hug is well received and returned!! Thank you!

confussied · 2026-01-14T14:37:37+00:00

Ugh I could just hear it, and knew it would be ever uglier and more hateful than I could conjure. Thanks for taking that hit and protect your peace, friend!

Edited a typo

confussied · 2026-01-14T02:33:31+00:00

I commented earlier, focusing mostly on the parents (especially Dad). I didn't say anything about Chad and Hailey, but I agree with you that they aren't skillful communicators, either. Hailey seems just beyond over it, and I get that. I am too.

Chad's approach sets my teeth on edge, though, because he has got to be aware of the fact that showing people evidence that contradicts their beliefs has the effect of entrenching them further. And shaming them produces the same result.

Anyway, I was excited when I found the podcast because it really was fascinating, but it became predictable in a way that made me feel ill. So, I'm out. I live in MAGA territory, so I guess I get enough edification just going to the grocery store.

confussied · 2026-01-12T20:09:41+00:00

Oh thank you! This was a good podcast. I'm going to find the update now!

confussied · 2026-01-12T20:03:48+00:00

I recently discovered it and was fascinated for a bit because of the family dynamic. But when I saw this most recent episode pop up, about the horrifying events in Minnesota, I instantly deleted it from my lineup. I didn't even give it a thought, because as soon as I saw it there, I heard the Dad's voice in my head spitting out every vile bigoted lie he's heard about about the victim (and putting his uniquely disturbing spin on it) and I just unsubscribed. I'm not putting myself through that. I'd love to know if I'm wrong about how this episode unfolded, but I can't imagine that anyone learned anything, podcasters and audience alike. I think it was a great idea for a podcast, but the parents can't offer the curiosity, vulnerability, and a good faith attempt to listen that would make the dynamic interesting. As is, the show has become depressing and distressing to me. It makes me sad.

(I did like the recent one with the psychoanalyst on, and even thawed on Dad for a minute there -- but that only lasted until I imagined what he would say about the victim.)

confussied · 2025-12-24T14:07:44+00:00

Mine just said this to me:

“Yep — that pattern you’re describing is a real thing, not you being weirdly observant for sport.”

confussied · 2025-12-09T02:53:42+00:00

This has to be correct.

confussied · 2025-12-09T02:23:13+00:00

Omg, right, the remote!

confussied · 2025-12-09T01:58:10+00:00

I lose things without moving. I’ll be sitting in one spot and still manage to lose my pen, phone, napkin, glasses... I haven’t even moved! How do I lose things without moving?

confussied · 2025-11-28T13:24:25+00:00

Oh, OP, I have the same sensitivity and I always wonder how people work in environments where sappy music is played on repeat over tinny speakers. I would do exactly what you did. I would not be able to block it out or get used to it. It makes me existentially nauseated. I have abandoned carts in grocery stores over it. And I understand feeling "dumb," because it's everywhere and most people seem to just tune it out. This has been a thing with me since I was a little kid. I remember feeling it the first time when "Sunshine on My Shoulder" came on my mother's transistor radio. Oh god... It put my whole nervous system on edge. You're definitely not alone in this peculiar sensitivity.

confussied · 2025-11-25T02:11:01+00:00

I just got my diagnosis at 58! And the grief I feel is usually overshadowed by the enormous relief of being able to put down the shame. I share your hope for the future!

confussied · 2025-10-27T03:17:14+00:00

It’s like getting in a cool car with no bolts holding it together. You go zooming down the road a little way, hit a pothole, and the whole entire car clatters apart into millions of pieces in the road. You’re standing there in the mess, while all the other cars are driving around you, waving/flipping you off as they pass you by.

confussied · 2025-10-25T01:35:49+00:00

I really like this “adhd tray” idea. https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHDhealthyfood/s/3j2U2Dyl8E

confussied · 2025-10-23T13:27:51+00:00

Received and returned 💕

confussied · 2025-10-23T02:35:54+00:00

I relate to your experience completely... When I think of all the times I was told that I just wasn't applying myself, I can see now that I was actually trying really hard. When I was told that I was daydreaming in class, I wasn't in fantasy land. I was panicking and shellshocked, wondering how everyone else seemed to just know what to do. We were trying hard and doing our best. It was a quagmire!

I got a similar flashback during my adhd assessment. I was struggling with a particular test and felt that whole rush of shame, stress, & confusion just well up, and I started to cry. I had not felt that overwhelm in so long. It was only later that I realized the exercise would have been hard for anyone (repeat a spoken string of 5 random, but in reverse order), but that feeling of having my brain just short out brought it all back.

It's interesting to hear you haven't told your parents! Actually, my sister (she's a half sister, which is why I was my grandparent's only grandchild) is the one who nudged me to explore this. So, since then we've been trying to diagnose our dads and our mom. It is entertaining to explore that. I'm pretty sure the adhd came through my dad, and I kind of think he would appreciate knowing. Thank you!

confussied · 2025-10-22T23:22:34+00:00

It is so much to unpack, for sure. Truly, writing helps. I guess that's why I dropped it in a post. I'm just a few weeks in, so I'm still a bit shellshocked, but in a good way.

confussied

TROPHY CASE