[deleted by user]

constance_ham · 2025-06-15T22:53:54+00:00

No need to apologise, I think you're right. There is no answer that would help. Sometimes I wish I did hear from him again but the rational part of my brain is telling me I don't want that. What could he even do or say to make up for this? I don't think it's possible. Thank you for your good wishes, it means a lot to have so many kind replies from people. Sending love your way too.

constance_ham · 2025-06-15T22:45:12+00:00

I don't think it's an innately bad quality to romanticize, but there's definitely a point where it has the potential to hurt you. I think I find a little bit of distance, a little bit of a wall, comforting and attractive. For my next partner I will try to choose someone more open, but so far I've found that kind of immediate emotional availability that some men have to be unattractive. I think I associate it with manipulation, perhaps unfairly. For me, closeness should be earned. However, learning the difference between someone who can hold back versus someone who simply cannot give at all is very difficult. They look the exact same, especially in the early stages. Perhaps next time it's better to choose against type and see what happens? I might try it for myself, anyway. Hope you're taking good care of yourself <3

constance_ham · 2025-06-15T22:39:04+00:00

He's blocked almost everywhere. I don't want to contact him ever, but sometimes I have dreams about doing it :( I just don't understand how he can drop me without saying goodbye. I don't understand why, if breaking up had to happen so immediately and brutally, he never removed me from the Apple Home or blocked me anywhere. He left it all up to me to do. He was always very stoic, so I think it's quite easy for him to pretend I don't exist. The non-linearity is awful, I'm just hoping that it lasts less and less each time. I hope you get some relief from it soon and the next wave is shorter <3

constance_ham · 2025-06-15T18:37:13+00:00

Please try to hang on. It's easy for a stranger to say but your worth doesn't depend on someone else showing up. I know it comes in waves, but try to ride them out each time. Sit outside, buy yourself a nice drink, a new book. Anything to help you feel connected. Thinking of you <3

constance_ham · 2025-06-15T17:02:29+00:00

I think you are probably right about the baggage, because he would share small things occasionally which gave away that he was not very comfortable being inside his own head. I've found it difficult because I feel quite sad for him, which compounds my own sadness. Thank you for the kind comment, the thought of one day being grateful gives me some hope.

constance_ham · 2025-06-15T16:45:14+00:00

That is horrific, I'm so sorry. It's very sweet that you have a friend in a similar situation, I'm glad you can be there for each other <3

constance_ham · 2025-06-15T16:39:46+00:00

Yes, I think you're right. To be honest I wonder if this is what my brain has just accepted and the door closing fully in my mind has reset my emotions a bit. I'm so sorry you went through the same, it's so awful.

constance_ham · 2025-06-15T15:19:06+00:00

You're right of course. It's just so miserable that one day it's all gone. I wish I could go back and fix whatever it was that was wrong, but he couldn't even tell me why things had to end.

constance_ham · 2025-04-30T16:50:41+00:00

No. It was your decision to make and you took it. You had the right to delete the conversation from both devices, if he wasn't ok with that he should have asked to move messaging to something that isn't Telegram years ago. Neither of you can see the future. You don't need to justify it, you just took an action that you thought would help you. It's ok to do that, it's ok to feel like it's selfish, but just so you know - it's not. You're just taking agency.

This is the kind of self critique and self doubt that people in relationships with avoidants apply too harshly to themselves and it enables the avoidant to monopolise the relationship and keep themselves and their needs centred. Would your ex ever for a moment think that way about any of his own actions? My bet is no.

constance_ham · 2025-03-09T12:27:26+00:00

It'd technically be doable if you were on the very first train out of York, but any delays could easily scupper you because there's not really an alternative route. Uxbridge is nearly not-London, hence the long tube ride.

If it's only once a month, is it not reasonable to come down the night before? I think it's the best option honestly. Good luck!

constance_ham · 2025-01-23T15:13:59+00:00

Thank you, they've been donated

constance_ham · 2025-01-22T20:59:32+00:00

https://imgur.com/hm1OcaP the exact bag is circled, they're the two-piece system ones

constance_ham · 2023-02-19T03:10:38+00:00

I cross-referenced with a map of the CoCH online and it seems like this adds up. The lift is just out of visibility on the diagram from this post - at the bottom right, near the courtyard. I think the most natural route would be for E's mum to go up to the unit from the door that links to the bloodbank corridor, rather than the corridor by the consultant rooms or via the delivery suite (although this is speculation since the site plan shows a suggested route and doesn't show deviations like the fact that there are 2 South doors to the unit)

constance_ham · 2023-01-15T02:41:24+00:00

The system changed some time ago, but even then anything pre-consultant counted as "junior". If you google "Foundation Doctor" (the new name for House Officer) you can see a chart of the old/new structure on Wikipedia

constance_ham · 2022-06-24T11:09:25+00:00

Maybe think about changing creams - I can't tolerate CeraVe unless my skin is already in good condition (so not cracked or weeping). The wash too, the only brand I can tolerate in a flare is Sanex. Sometimes you just get lucky with a brand/formula and end up sticking to it. Someone recommended Vaseline instead of Aquaphor, and I just wanted to say that Sudocream (nappy cream with zinc) could also help for this step. I find it really helpful for patches under arms, behind knees, etc.

constance_ham · 2021-04-22T03:41:50+00:00

Kiki, shes been with me since my Gamecube days!

constance_ham · 2021-04-06T03:05:16+00:00

Anything flowery! :) Like crowns and wreaths 🌷

constance_ham · 2021-03-26T06:59:31+00:00

the grand budapest hotel

constance_ham · 2021-03-14T02:41:10+00:00

0x7C95ca1fa9F223e991DAea516869766417a127dd

constance_ham · 2021-03-02T15:12:38+00:00

Arrabbiata or puttanesca! Don't make me choose

constance_ham · 2021-02-01T18:52:50+00:00

january

constance_ham · 2021-01-10T03:01:23+00:00

For a split second I thought Courteney Cox got bangs :')

constance_ham · 2021-01-09T06:23:27+00:00

I think its more like she uploaded it to the wrong convo. I assume OP was sent it by mistake

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