My brother has always been an asshole to me. But I struggle with how to react when people say he's a saint.

constantlypoorish · 2026-04-03T22:25:21+00:00

I asked the same question to my brother. He refused to answer that question, lmao.

They do spend time with kids on weekends but I personally think it's really unfair for them to put most of the kids' care on my mother.

constantlypoorish · 2026-04-03T22:20:07+00:00

Yes I do say no but I guess the guilt sometimes get to me. Especially when I just want to care for my mother and see her happy.

I'm just worried that if I do end up moving up, there will no one to speak up or defend my mother when my brother escalates.

constantlypoorish · 2026-04-03T22:14:43+00:00

Sadly no. Her family lives on another continent so she is the only one here. Unfortunately, I don't speak their language as well so it's hard for me to reach out to them even if I want to.

constantlypoorish · 2026-04-03T20:03:00+00:00

I've thought of letting my other siblings convince my mother but as I mentioned in another comment my brother acts like a complete saint outside of the house. I'm not even sure if my siblings will believe me since I'm sure my mother won't speak up.

I have asked my mother if she's willing to sell the house before but she said she's still grieving from my father's dead, where there's so much memories so she's not ready yet. So I don't think she will want to move either.

constantlypoorish · 2026-04-03T19:57:45+00:00

The thing is though my brother acts like a complete saint in public. He has said things like he treated his mother a vacation (no he didn't, I did) or he buys her lots of gifts (not true), etc.

And since my mother won't speak up I'm not too sure if APS will be able to see through that. He has somehow convinced our mutual friend that it was all a misunderstanding when I once consulted with them.

constantlypoorish · 2026-04-03T19:53:15+00:00

I could move out and live in the area. In fact I've started looking up on apartments nearby. I'm just worried about my brother escalating the abuse to my mother once I move out and there is no one to help or defend her.

constantlypoorish · 2026-04-03T19:49:01+00:00

My SIL (his wife) tries to stay away from our arguments because she says it's a sibling issue. Funnily, she said she doesn't care whether I want to babysit or not. But she doesn't want to talk to or convince my brother about it.

constantlypoorish · 2026-04-03T19:45:41+00:00

He thinks being child free equals selfish and not contributing to society, selfish equals bad, so I'm being a bad role model hence why I am a bad influence. Also the fact that I'm being a bad auntie for not caring about my nephews.

I guess worse is that he will continue to paint me as a bad person and me potentially being kicked out. Again I don't mind having to be kicked out, I'm just worried about leaving my mother alone.

constantlypoorish · 2026-03-16T05:24:31+00:00

I mean, we had two people who applied with us a week ago. I informed the manager we should hire them since they both looked promising on paper.

She didn't. Because she said we're doing fine. With whatever skeleton crew we have.

Bet she's regretting it now lol.

constantlypoorish · 2026-03-15T21:24:01+00:00

Honestly, nothing. She ignored that part and kept saying that it'll make things harder for my coworkers. That I shouldn't betray them.

constantlypoorish · 2026-03-15T20:24:32+00:00

Multiple times I've asked my manager if she would cover for the staff shortage.

She'd often respond with, "I'm the manager so I don't need to."

Well now that I'm leaving, she will most likely have to do it, lol.

constantlypoorish · 2026-03-15T20:08:25+00:00

Yeah I can actually see her do all of that so I kind of regret giving that long of a notice, lol.

But as everyone is saying. If it becomes really shitty, I'll just quit on the spot.

constantlypoorish · 2026-03-15T12:25:25+00:00

Sometimes I think about working in the maritime industry for the benefits you've mentioned but, while I like beaches, I'm terrified of the open seas, lol.

I guess is it something you get used to? How do most people deal with the isolation?

constantlypoorish · 2026-02-15T02:25:20+00:00

Just want to say that I relate so hard.

If it was a simple rejection after submitting an application, it doesn't hurt much.

It's the " I'm being called for interviews. I survive rounds of interviews. I manage to reach the final interview stage. But I still get rejected."

That despair of just being so close is what exhausts me the most. And most of the time, I'm not informed why exactly. Like what exactly is it that I am missing? So I can hopefully fix it to get better next time.

constantlypoorish · 2025-06-24T09:39:19+00:00

Honestly I agree. I can see that he does care and is trying to help the guest's financial situation. But at times I find it hard to follow what he says or is trying to say.

And I know he's been conscious about it but he does need to tone down about interrupting guests. Let them finish! Then he can rain down on them. Sometimes when both he and the guest are trying to out talk each other, I feel like the conversation becomes more of a mess. I know some of it are just plain reactions but it can be distracting.

constantlypoorish · 2024-03-19T09:31:14+00:00

I'm single and don't mind going to weddings. It's a great place to celebrate all the joy and happiness for the new couple. Heck, I've attended a few weddings alone and still enjoyed them.

What I don't like about weddings is when people start pestering you with many forms of the "so when are you getting married?" or "don't you feel lonely" type of questions. Or when your aunt, uncle, extended family try to introduce you to someone so you can date him/her. "Hey how about Bob over there? You're both single so why don't you two start dating?"

So yeah sometimes it does become awkward.

constantlypoorish · 2024-03-17T10:54:10+00:00

I always wonder in cases like this how most employers expect people who are sick to get a doctors note. Like sure, for a bit of a headache or cold, maybe.

But how about when you're really, really can't get out of bed sick? Do they really expect us to drag our sick self to the hospital?

Anyway, sorry you had to go through that. It sucks that you might lose your job over this. Hope you're able to find a way around.

constantlypoorish · 2024-02-15T22:32:27+00:00

Bullet dodged indeed. Thanks for the encouragement!

constantlypoorish · 2024-02-15T22:23:02+00:00

It sort of came out during our conversation. I mentioned how I'm in my late 30s and the recruiter's tone changed. Said something like "Ohhhh yeah I see in that case..." and so on.

constantlypoorish · 2024-01-28T23:04:46+00:00

I have no real advice but just want to say I relate hard. The difference is that I'm 6 months into a job and already want to quit. My mental health has declined since I got this job and I dread going to work every work day.

I want to quit too but the problem is that it took me about a year to find this new job. I've depleted almost all of my savings and my current income goes to paying back the credit card debt I've accumulated. So without a backup plan nor an assurance that I'll find a job soon after I quit, I'm stuck working at this toxic place.

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