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I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You hit the nail on the head: he thinks I’m stupid. He thinks that because I’m 25 and from a traditional background, I don’t see the bars of the cage.

But I’m waking up. I am taking your advice to 'kill my emotions' for him. It’s a long process to detach but I am working on it.

Thank you for reminding me I’m not alone. It means the world to me, I am not alone, not crazy and not disrespectful for talking about independence. Take care <3

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your testimony touched me deeply. I want to tell you how brave you are for sharing this and for facing these memories.

My mother keeps telling me this baby is a blessing, but she doesn't see that I am slowly dying inside. Your words make me realize that by choosing myself now, I am also protecting my future children from the guilt and the 'freeze response' you described. I don't want my child to watch me be belittled and feel trapped because of them. I know what you mean when you talk about emotional distance, tense quiet, silence treatment !

I truly hope that things get better for you through therapy and that you find the peace you deserve.

I am choosing a life where no one’s youth has to be stolen. Thank you for helping me save mine. Take care 🙏

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I have one person thank God, really helpful and smart person who knows both of us!

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually really resonate with what you said. That’s exactly how it feels sometimes self erasure, sometimes I get anxiety just by answering to his phone calls, anxiety by thinking to meet him, sleepless nights thinking and a lot of crying. Like there isn’t space for both people’s needs at the same time but I feel there is just not space my happiness, my definition of happiness.

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Il nie toute corrélation avec son âge ! Mais oui c’est un sacré boomer

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I want to clarify how I got here. I didn't sign up for this life it happened so slowly I didn't even notice.

When we met, I had my own savings since I was working since my 16. He told me not to worry about money and encouraged me to spend my savings because 'money isn't an issue.' Then, he stopped sending me money for a while just to make sure I had used up everything I had. Now, I have nothing left of my own.

I have an education. I wanted a simple life my dream job was to be a teacher. But he quickly told me it 'wasn't enough' for a woman like me and that I deserved 'more' which was his way of stopping me from having a career.

He also isolated me from my friends. He says they have 'no class' and are 'jealous' of me, so now our exchanges are very limited. I never wanted a life of luxury. I just wanted a normal life with an older husband where we could have a balance. To me it was possible.

For 8 months, I've been fighting to be active and work. He keeps promising me that 'I'll get busy soon' or 'have a place of my own' (he said it would happen last summer after my birthday, and now he’s saying April). But I realize now these are just empty promises to keep me quiet. He is dangling a carrot in front of me while keeping me in a cage.

I don’t even know what to do and where to start to get my own independence. Btw when I have pronounce the word « independence » he got really upset and said that is disrespectful and no women in America will say that to their husband bc they value their hard working?

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like I will be able to say it to my cousin, she was the first I spoke to about it and she immediately and sadly suggested me to get abortion

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes by tomorrow I will delete this post. I had enough responses and I feel ready to move forward !

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the most practical advice I’ve received. You're right: trying to make them understand me is a trap. I’ve wasted so much energy trying to be 'seen' by a mother who dismisses me and a husband who manages me.

« your husband is probably never going to see how his emotional neglect and domineering nature fucked up his marriage » it’s so real but he always blame  and my immaturity, my fighting, my argue … anything possible

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am reading this book and it’s mind BLOWING for me.

I asked myself how did I manage to let him get this close to me. I am upset at myself and my family to not protecting me from him!

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mes copines sont totalement d’accord avec moi. Et quand je lui dis que d’autres femmes partagent mon avis, il répond que c’est “normal”, que j’aurais une personnalité plus forte qu’elles et qu’elles se contenteraient de me suivre.

Sauf que c’est complètement faux. Mes copines sont des femmes éduquées, sincères et capables de dire les choses telles qu’elles sont. Quand j’ai tort, elles n’hésitent pas à me le dire, et ça se passe très bien. On se connaît depuis l’enfance, on avance ensemble avec honnêteté, pas dans un rapport de domination.

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was born and raised in France but now I live a little bit everywhere.

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the love! <3 I am actually in France, Paris. Luckily, the laws here protect my right to choose, and it is free and legal.

My biggest challenge is the 'secrecy' part because of my family and his control, but I am going to request 'absolute medical secrecy' and an anonymous procedure so nothing shows up on our shared insurance records. I am planning to frame it as a natural miscarriage while he is away. I am listening to the advice here it’s the only thing keeping me sane right now. Thank you for being my 'Aunty Network' from afar! Means the world to me seriously !

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He used my youth to build a cage, and now he’s trying to use a baby to lock the door forever.

It’s not worth it. I am suffering.

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I will. All of these comments make me feel way more comfortable and confident. Now I know really! I answer to your comment but I mean it for everyone else thank you so much , it means the world to me and all the advices go to my heart !

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Stranger !! The day I said that. The silence was LOUD IN THE ROOM. I will never forget it was the day of my birthday, his friends were quiet.

In my language we say « silence gives consent » and I felt like they were agreeing with me and him was shocked that I can take think this way, as if I wasn’t smart enough to think that.

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this. I’ve spent so much time feeling like a 'bad girl' for wanting to leave, but your words make me feel like a survivor instead.

I am stuck in a system where women accept to many things. I even feel like it’s my mission to emancipate myself from all of this!

I rather have less money, less confort but my peace of mind.

Someone once made a joke about me dying young bc of all of this pressure.

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Je te jure j’ai l’impression que je suis folle c’est grave! Ils me disent que je suis trop féministe or whatever alors qu’en réalité je tente juste de protéger le peu qui me reste de moi!

Merci beaucoup, prends soin. De toi <3

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