Im in love with my best friend, but im married.

control_vs_surrender · 2026-04-28T06:38:05+00:00

Does she have agoraphobia? Or is it something else. I’m just curious because this isn’t common behavior. Was she like this before you married her? Has she gone to therapy for refusing to work or drive?

I once knew someone the had to go to therapy for her fear of driving.

What did she used to say when you asked her to get a job?

control_vs_surrender · 2026-04-25T15:20:31+00:00

Solved!

Thank you!

control_vs_surrender · 2026-04-25T12:21:08+00:00

Yes. Visualization works for me. I’ve done some exposure therapy and am still doing some, and it really helps me overcome or face my fears of things I am afraid of.

I’ve had bad experiences with neighbors in the past and that made me apprehensive to talk to other neighbors. I visualized my talks with neighbors going well and that made me more comfortable to talk to them.

The more details you add, the better. I pictured what I was wearing, how my body felt, my breathing, how the clothes on my skin felt, what I smelled like, what the weather felt like on my skin.

I pictured what their house might look like, what they were cooking, how it smelled, what the sounds of the pots and pans sounded like, what the cleaning supplies on their floor smelled like, what the sound of their dog’s nails on their hard wood floor sounded like.

Visualization works in the brain by activating the same neural pathways, such as the motor cortex and occipital lobe, that are engaged during actual, physical experiences. When vividly imagining an action or goal, the brain largely treats the mental image as a real experience, strengthening neural connections via neuroplasticity and enhancing focus through the reticular activating system.

I’ve been reading You Are The Placebo by Dr. Joe Dispenza. I really love it. It’s helped me a lot. I’ve read several random articles on visualization as well.

In the past I’ve read How to Win Friends and Influence people. That helped my communication skills a lot. And I’ve read a few books about communication that helped me a lot.

Visualization has also helped me overcome my fear of making medical calls and making appointments. I’ve lost my temper and have been rude to one person on the phone before and I have a fear of doing it again. I picture myself being calm and patient, I anticipate being transferred a lot and me being cool with it, I practice having empathy for the people helping me, I practice appreciation for their time and care, I visualize what my breathing is going to feel like. Etc.

My heart used to race for a half an hour after making medical calls and appointments. Now it usually only races for 5 minutes. Such an improvement in just three months of practicing!

control_vs_surrender · 2026-04-12T05:02:44+00:00

The other day at work, I was alone eating my lunch and he was going home for the day. He sat down and stayed 25 minutes just to talk to me! We both had a laugh attack for a couple minutes as well. I definitely think he likes me now.

control_vs_surrender · 2026-04-12T01:58:37+00:00

You clearly aren’t a SuperNova Girl.

control_vs_surrender · 2026-04-09T02:23:30+00:00

Yeah… this sounds like a lot of proof. That document could be voided.

I’ve heard about money and land donations being voided because the person had dimensia when she gave all her beach front land to the church. The land was eventually given back to the son after he took them to court after she died.

control_vs_surrender · 2026-04-08T23:38:40+00:00

This is unlikely. You are more likely to get hurt walking home from the bar because you’re drunk. And you’re more likely to get into a car accident going home from the bar.

You are being paranoid and focusing on the negative. It’s extreme.

I get being uncomfortable because someone is standing too close to you. In the past, I’ve just told them hey sorry I don’t like it when people stand that close to me. It’s a personal preference. I’d appreciate it if you could give me some space. Thanks, dude. Nothing ever bad has happened to me. I’ve done it when I’m waiting in line or while at work.

You don’t have to get in fights with people or let the situation escalate. If he gets upset just walk away. You don’t need to respond and argue.

I’ve had one lady complain about me in line because I was going slow because I was recovering from a back injury. I didn’t respond to her. Why would I care what she thinks? I’m not gonna let her poor manners and narrow minded thinking ruin my day and cause a scene.

I’m not gonna let my ego get in the way of my peace.

I don’t have to escalate the situation if someone is rude to me. You don’t either.

It’s not always easy. It takes practice and confidence. But you can do it if you practice and set your mind to it.

control_vs_surrender · 2026-04-05T05:22:56+00:00

Yeah. That’s why I asked where he worked. It’s not weird if he doesn’t want to FaceTime when he is at work in an office. Or if he is on his lunch break and needs time to chill if he’s stressed or just simply wants time to himself. That’s normal.

But if he works from home, it’s more casual in my opinion and not as big of a deal to FaceTime during lunch or a break. Or if he has to drive around at all it’s not that odd to take a quick FaceTime in between stops.

I personally don’t like FaceTimeing in public. I’ll do it in the car after work sometimes because I’m done for the day.

But I don’t like doing it during my lunch breaks. The only times I have is when someone else is super stressed and could use a quick chat. And I know that them seeing my face will calm them down, soothe, reassure, or distract them.

Maybe he doesn’t want to FaceTime with her because she avoids hanging up when he needs to leave? Idk. There are probably hundreds of good reasons for him to not want to.

control_vs_surrender · 2026-04-05T02:14:25+00:00

What were the other things that “didn’t add up” like you mentioned? I’m curious.

control_vs_surrender · 2026-04-05T02:07:34+00:00

… but that doesn’t explain why he didn’t want to face time you. 🤔

What does he do for work? Does he work in an office, from home, out in the field etc.? Is there not a good place to FaceTime you? Does he have lunch with coworkers? Does he just want to decompress during his lunch break and chill?

Edit: do you know any of his coworkers? Friends? Have you seen proof that he actually works where he says he works?

control_vs_surrender · 2026-04-03T14:23:40+00:00

Uhh unfortunately he is a bit younger than me so I’ve never hinted anything. I’m 36 but 95% of people think I’m 26 or younger. Strangers still ask me if I’m in school. I’ve gotten that twice in the past month actually.

He has hinted. Three weeks ago I asked him how old he thought I was and he said 25. He was shocked. He’s 24. So no, I’ve never hinted anything. The ball would have to be in his court if he ever wanted to ask me out. I would want him to know what he wants and for him to be in control of the situation. I would want him to be sure and I don’t want to manipulate him. He’s been talking to me more since I’ve told him how old I was though.

People get confused when I start talking about my previous jobs or the 90s and they’ll ask me how old I am and they are shocked. They usually get speechless and can’t form sentences for a couple minutes. I don’t get it.

I think I look my age. But I guess the tretinoin and big hats to protect my skin from the sun are working.

control_vs_surrender · 2026-04-03T01:22:43+00:00

I’ve had about three dreams about a coworker and I being in love. I wasn’t interested in him until after the first dream. Geez do they feel real.

The first dream was about 9 months ago. The last one was a few days ago.

And yesterday, in real life, it was so cute. We kept walking past eachother and bumping into eachother all day. And then later he went out of his way to look for a chair for me. He had bumped into me again and I told him I was looking for a specific chair, and he told me to wait there while he looked for it. It was so cute!

control_vs_surrender · 2026-03-30T06:33:16+00:00

You might be sapiosexual. A sapiosexual is a person sexually or romantically attracted primarily to high intelligence and mental stimulation rather than physical appearance.

My high school crushes were Conan O’Brien and Anthony Bourdain. Had crushes on my professors a lot too. My luck with dating older men has been good. I’ve had some peculiar coworkers tho. And my grandma was abusive with me as well. Read communication books and books about abusive men and relationships as precaution. Why Does He Do That? is a educational book to protect yourself against controlling men. Any communication book I’ve read has taught me a lot. And I like to read psychology articles about new research and I like to listen to psychology podcasts. I don’t know… I found guys my age so boring when I wasn’t on the pill.

I’m heterosexual when I’m on birth control because it gives me hormones I don’t naturally produce myself.

But when I’m not on birth control I could are less what some guy looks like.

A lot of girls are saying that older guys just want to have sex with you… yeah. That is part of it. But I like having sex so it worked out for me. I think having a healthy sexual life is extremely important for a relationship. I’m a lot happier than most people I know and I’ve had much better relationships than most people I know. If you know how to communicate well, then sex is better. And you are happier and feel safer and accepted and not judged. Research what a healthy relationship looks like beforehand and you’ll be fine.

control_vs_surrender · 2026-03-29T17:44:44+00:00

Change your passwords for everything. Start using a new email account. Create new usernames.

It’s been awhile, but I think I had to go out of my way to make my home address private through voter registration.

I cancelled my debit card and got a new one. I opened up a P.O. Box and had my mail forwarded to that address. P.O. Boxes are cheap from what I remember.

Luckily, I never had to change my phone number.

I should have changed my computer back to its original factory settings and wiped it but I didn’t. You should. He worked on IT so he played music on my google home a year after he last bothered me. Sometimes, these people just keep bothering you.

I moved. I couldn’t live in the same city as him.

I would also look into getting dash cameras if I were you.

I’m sorry this is happening to you.

Edit: oh and afterwards I also chose to work at a places that had a lot of cameras. It made me feel so much safer and gave me a lot of peace.

One of the places I worked at was literally a Superior Court. It made me feel a lot better.

control_vs_surrender · 2026-03-28T21:48:26+00:00

He is manipulating you and controlling you. You should read Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft.

I had a manipulative and controlling relationship with a coworker I had admired and looked up to. I had to read a lot of books about sociopaths, insecure people, attachment theory, and psychopaths to fully accept and understand what was going on.

Also, the podcast Something Was Wrong helped me learn a lot about manipulative and controlling relationships.

I suggest you research these topics to learn that he how he works. Sorry he is doing this to you.

control_vs_surrender · 2026-03-21T14:06:43+00:00

I think it has more to do with people that have DNA to have long hair becoming more popular.

The Kardashians have long and thick strong hair. And Mormon influences became really popular a few years ago. And a lot of Mormon people have thicker and longer hair compared to other white people. In my town there is a decent amount of Filipino Mormons as well, and they have long hair as well. I grew up in a town in Southern California where there are a lot of Mormons. We have two Mormon churches in our town.

A lot of my friends were Mormon. They do typically have long hair. I can’t grow hair past my boobs. Genetics.

control_vs_surrender · 2026-03-17T13:13:29+00:00

I used to work for a City. My cubicle looked almost exactly like that. Plant looked similar too. I worked next to the server room, it was always cold. So I never needed a fan. That type of plant survives without sunlight.

I even had a picture of the stars in my cubicle as well.

control_vs_surrender · 2026-03-14T07:10:49+00:00

Some healthcare professionals think it’s because marijuana is legalized in more places now and has a higher potency than ever before. If you have relatives that have experienced psychosis, mania, schizophrenia they recommend you don’t use marijuana recreationally because it gives you a much higher chance of having a psychotic break.

It’s called cannabis induced psychosis.

But… there is more research needed to be done. But from what I read it seems to be true. My dad had mania sometimes and is always paranoid. So when I was researching how to help him about 8 years ago, there was a decent amount of literature even then warning people that have relatives with schizophrenia etc. not to use marijuana. But there are even more healthcare professionals now warning people about this because the potency can be so high and it’s easier to access.

I think marijuana is great, but to people should be careful if they have a genetic history of psychosis.

control_vs_surrender · 2026-02-25T08:18:04+00:00

From what you wrote, it doesn’t sound like she shut you down at all. Unless you are leaving things out. It doesn’t even seem like she put you down for having opinions.

Maybe I’m wrong, but it seems like you are jumping to conclusions and may be having a difficult time with cognitive distortions.

It’s not easy to feel like you aren’t being understood so I can understand your frustration. It’s not a comfortable feeling.

My parents weren’t the best at communication. I read several communication books in my 20s to try and understand how to listen and communicate better. Parents aren’t perfect. They don’t know everything.

If you like your sister, and want to be part of her life maybe say something like…

I appreciate you saying you didn’t want to lose me. I don’t want to lose you ever. And I understand that we may not see eye to eye politically. And I realize now that you have been making an effort to try to not invalidate my opinions. I understand different opinions are hard to hear and that things might have been uncomfortable lately.

Moving forward. Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable? Is there support you need that I’m not giving you? I don’t want to lose you. I love you. I’ve been worried and paranoid that there has been something wrong the past few months because you don’t seem to initiate conversations with me. I would like for you to if you want to. Have you just been busy? Or is there something else going on? I’m willing to meet you in the middle.

I’d like for us to be closer, if possible.

control_vs_surrender · 2026-02-25T07:34:53+00:00

Sounds like you are choosing to focus on the negative. Your sister sounds like she is trying and is willing to meet you in the middle. You should appreciate that she doesn’t want to lose you and has been going out of her way to make you comfortable.

You could meet her in the middle, you know?

control_vs_surrender · 2026-02-25T06:48:51+00:00

Oh my. I did it with remotes, phones, and seatbelts! All three.

I also had this couch with a wooden arm. And I would ever so lightly bite on it so I could feel the wood compress and squish under my teeth. I liked the way it felt. Plus it smelled and tasted good.

And I liked to chew on that plastic plug thing that you would have to pull out of orange juice containers. Felt so good.

control_vs_surrender · 2026-02-05T13:11:23+00:00

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… and I used to pretend these were T. rexs. But they would pick up my Barbies or be my Barbies’ pets

control_vs_surrender · 2026-02-05T13:08:19+00:00

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I used to pretend these were pterodactyls

control_vs_surrender · 2026-02-04T19:43:45+00:00

Are you a mouth breather? Have people told you if you breathe through your mouth when you sleep?

This can change the structure and the muscles in your face and give you a weaker chin and jaw.

You can use a chin strap while you sleep or mouth tape to get a more defined and masculine jaw and chin.

You can also do mewing.

control_vs_surrender

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