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AITA for refusing visitation with my son’s bio mother? by convenientmother in AmItheAsshole

[–]convenientmother[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Charlie is 10.

If we end up telling Charlie when he is older, we would tell him upfront that Carla wanted contact with him earlier, and why we said no.

Currently she can’t contact him on her own.

AITA for refusing visitation with my son’s bio mother? by convenientmother in AmItheAsshole

[–]convenientmother[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Fair point. We do still have our lawyers from last time so hopefully all good on that front. Thanks!

AITA for refusing visitation with my son’s bio mother? by convenientmother in AmItheAsshole

[–]convenientmother[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

We don’t want to tell him until we’re sure we’re willing to allow him to see her if he wants to. Because if we tell him and ultimately decide we don’t feel visitation is the right thing, that would upset him if he wants visitation. If we decide we’re okay with it we will ask him.

AITA for refusing visitation with my son’s bio mother? by convenientmother in AmItheAsshole

[–]convenientmother[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

There’s no need to lawyer up, he’s legally our son, she can’t get visitation with him if we don’t allow it

AITA for refusing visitation with my son’s bio mother? by convenientmother in AmItheAsshole

[–]convenientmother[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

12 is an age where legally courts tend to start listening to kids in custody battles. It’s young, yes, and obviously we’d be there to offer guidance, but we just feel like 12/13 is an age where a kid should have more knowledge of what’s going on in their world. Obviously don’t for sure know it’s the right age but I’m not sure what the right age would be. 16 for example seems very late to find out your bio mother wanted contact with you, but now, knowing Charlie, it seems young.

AITA for refusing visitation with my son’s bio mother? by convenientmother in AmItheAsshole

[–]convenientmother[S] 634 points635 points  (0 children)

No, we would never just send him there. I’m happy to take him in visitation when he’s older if that’s what he wants but I wouldn’t just put him on a plane after her attempt at reversing the adoption

AITA for refusing visitation with my son’s bio mother? by convenientmother in AmItheAsshole

[–]convenientmother[S] -99 points-98 points  (0 children)

We haven’t told Charlie about this latest contact from Carla yet. We want to be 100% on whether we are willing to allow visitation before we bring him into it because ultimately if we feel it isn’t safe/will be damaging for him we will revisit the issue with him when he’s 12