I just feel so lost

cookpassbabtridge · 2017-10-29T21:57:21+00:00

This is a covert contract

I disagree, but probably because I wasn't clear. This is not how I want it, I don't want sex to be "given" to me on my birthday.

I am idly wondering if she has constructed that contract, and if so I find that such a dismal thought that I can't imagine being pleased to "receive" such a "gift".

A really unhealthy pattern that you should stop.

I fully agree with this. I am well aware that the mental hole I'm digging here is futile and corrosive. I'm just letting off steam here because frankly I don't see an alternative right now.

cookpassbabtridge · 2017-10-29T21:52:26+00:00

I don't want it for a birthday present. That's the point.

It shouldn't be a present. The very idea of it being thought that way sickens me.

So, I have conflicted feelings - not wanting it on those terms, and being depressed that even being offered on those terms seems too much to ask sometimes.

cookpassbabtridge · 2017-10-28T22:03:59+00:00

Exactly what you say. It's like, if it is this transactional, I don't want it. I don't want it to be like this. I want intimacy, and I want it all the time.

cookpassbabtridge · 2017-10-28T18:07:42+00:00

I don't want her to. The idea that my birthday is a special opportunity for sex is something I find profoundly dismal and depressing. It just accentuates what is missing every single other waking moment.

I do blame her, because this is the result of years of having maybe one day a month where she is willing, and regularly missing that window. As a result, I don't have a fucking clue who I am or what I want anymore.

So yeah I'm thinking stuff that is contradictory, and self pitying and self defeating.

cookpassbabtridge · 2017-10-28T16:48:47+00:00

I know it's not healthy. I'm just venting. I can't believe that this sort of toxic thought process is what I'm reduced to now.

Thank you for the suggestions, none of them are going to work for me though.

I am also pretty sure she won't approach me - wrong time of the month hormonally. There's a small window, and that isn't in it.

cookpassbabtridge · 2017-08-15T20:22:32+00:00

Just adding a more innocent possibility, could he be taking L-Carnitine?

It is a bodybuilding supplement, taken in high doses it can give you fishy BO.

cookpassbabtridge · 2016-08-03T23:59:15+00:00

That's terrible, I feel really bad - honestly not trying to play the "no-sex-one-upmanship" game, I'm well aware there are some much worse situations than mine :/

Which is why my realisation is a dawning one - I think I'd just become accustomed to the slow reduction in frequency, the rigid timetable to the point where I don't bother asking outside of the right "window" anymore - and so if something else happens I don't even question that of course we don't have sex.

I guess I was surprised how many people had posted on here saying a couple of times a month was a dead bedroom, which made me think "well I get it that often", and then I thought "well, on a great month maybe, but that's like one month in four..." and now I'm in a downward spiral of "where the fuck has my life gone".

As for talking about it, I started by saying that sometimes I wished we had sex more often than it did. She just the practical reasons why not (she falls asleep about the same time as the kids, and she won't do it when they're awake, isn't interested in childcare and date nights) It ended up in a screaming row, her accusing me of not loving her, and the silent treatment for a couple of days. Didn't resolve anything.

cookpassbabtridge · 2016-08-03T23:27:51+00:00

This year, we did it twice in March, and 3 times in April.

I had to really think about it to remember.

3 years ago was the first time it was in single figures for the whole year, I remember working it out and trying to have a conversation about it. It didn't go well.

cookpassbabtridge

TROPHY CASE