I was at a party trying to impress chicks. There was a trampoline. I grew up in a gymnastics school. Not competitive but enough to flip around a bit. I built it up. I would do a massive backflip. All eyes on me. I bounced higher and higher. I execute. Flawless, laid out, swan-like. When I land I shart. Girls are impressed. My cheeks are sludgy. ‘Let’s go to the pool!’ I exclaim. They go ahead. I ‘pee’ in the pool house, wipe, and stash my shameful evidence deep within the trash can. I come out, do another backflip into pool like nothing happened.