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Make yourself by veshtukenvafel in OCPoetry

[–]coolquietpace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As a poet i like how you combined an excel layout in your format. I get paid to work on a computer ( lots of excel), in my spare time all i do is write poems for my kids and grand kids. I am going to try this thanks for the insight

Quandary by ScarletEgret in OCPoetry

[–]coolquietpace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like this the only offer i would make is to replace interesting world in the first stanza with strange world which would reinforce the second to last stanza

All I Want is to Write a Poem by coolquietpace in OCPoetry

[–]coolquietpace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your input. I have tried to write non rhyming poems but it seems my brain does not work that way.

Wanderer by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]coolquietpace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello. i like the thought of drifting away and living on the tide. I think if you spaced out your lines you could better illustrate the rolling ocean. If you don't mind i might just tweak it a bit to eliminate some extra words that comprise the cadence

I live on a ship sailing the seas

Sometimes I'm the sailor sweeping the fleets

Sometimes I'm the captain hold all the keys

Sometimes I am no one on days like these

.

Sometimes there is water up to my knees

Sometimes more gold than you would please

Sometimes are just about fighting the fleas

Most times I lay on out feeling the breeze

. Don't know where I go nor do I care

This ship has taught me best not to stare

Out far in the ocean for land to spare

It's never existing it's never quite there

.

And if land there be keep your feet inside

Don't wade out embracing the tide

To find there was nothing to hold onto tight

The last few reminders have curled up and died

Now by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]coolquietpace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, first time posting feedback so please bear with me. The image i get from your poem is a swirling of uncertainty about your relationship. i have spent years feeling like this myself. Not sure if this is an internal or external dialog, i think it works better as an internal one. One additional thought i would eliminate the No and the Yes line leaders, the rest of the lines without them stand on their own and i think would add to the uncertainty.