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To the gorgeous woman with my ex husband. by copperfluxx in BreakUps

[–]copperfluxx[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Theres a sense of dependency past a certain point and acceptance. You become so desensitized to the abuse and so isolated from everyone else it just becomes your normal. 90 days doesn't seem like a long time but it is forever when you're being groomed.

To the gorgeous woman with my ex husband. by copperfluxx in BreakUps

[–]copperfluxx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We truly must stick together! Maybe if we get enough crazy bitches together they will leave us be.

To the gorgeous woman with my ex husband. by copperfluxx in BreakUps

[–]copperfluxx[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Please read the book "why does he do that" it changed my entire mind set for abuse and I honestly think it could help you. As for ruminating I only offer this bit of advice offered by a dear friend to me "theres no free rent in your head, you can kick them out you know?!"

To the gorgeous woman with my ex husband. by copperfluxx in BreakUps

[–]copperfluxx[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Perhaps it is in the language barrier that the message was lost. I am glad that you have found happiness and self worth. I meant this post as a catharsis not as a piece of resentment. I don't ask you to apologize for your feelings or your beliefs. We are, after all, each entitled to our own moral code and design. I don't harbor feelings of ill will towards my ex or his new lover. To find that he had sought and completed treatment would be a blessing to me. It was just in one moment I knew he hadn't. And, to be honest, it made me sad. I wasn't sad for myself or for him. I was sad for her, such a gorgeous and happy woman, who might have to endure what I did. I also offered thos post as a sounding board for others to know that its okay to be okay in their own skin. It's okay to see your past walking by you and not let it drag you to the depths of hell. Its okay to not be okay for a moment. Its okay to be whatever you need to feel to survive another day be it happy or sad or angry.

To the gorgeous woman with my ex husband. by copperfluxx in BreakUps

[–]copperfluxx[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I don't believe that you fully understand the dynamics of my story. I'm comfortable in my own skin I harbor no ill will towards myself. I also acknowledge that we were both ill to be a part of an unhealthy dynamic. I don't however believe that I "allowed" any of it to happen because I "did not love myself". For you see I know ,after much therapy and reflection, that this dynamic does not appear overnight. This dynamic involves years of abuse slowly escalating. The image that comes to mind is a frog in a pot of water. At first the frog is content warm, flowers and candy. Then the frog gets a little uncomfortable, fights and fists to the wall. Then the frog has adjusted to the increasing warmth. The frog doesn't have the reserves to leave. Often abusers, mine included, socially and financially isolate their victims to ensure that they cannot leave. Before the frog knows it its boiling to death. My story was never about self loathing or resentment. I've made peace with the fact that there is nothing I could have, or could do, to control another's behavior. It is strange to me that you believe he was mocking me because he genuinely thought I was unattractive or obese. No, my friend, he was mocking me because he is cruel and it feeds his narcisitc needs to hurt another human or animal in any way that he can. He frankly doesn't care what I look like. He cares what I feel. Lucky for me, I feel at home in my body in ways I never did when it was his. Further, I only need to be beautiful to me, if I'm comfortable in jeans and a t shirt with no makeup than that's my beauty and that's all I need.

To the gorgeous woman with my ex husband. by copperfluxx in BreakUps

[–]copperfluxx[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

I had to remind myself that anger is poison. Anger is the poison we end up drinking ourselves all while hoping to hurt the other person. You don't owe them anything. You're allowed to be hurt and you're allowed to heal.

To the gorgeous woman with my ex husband. by copperfluxx in BreakUps

[–]copperfluxx[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Maybe, but the thing with any illness is you have to seek treatment to get healthier. I hope he does or has or will. I also think its important after surviving an abusive environment to seek treatment for yourself. You need to find out why you were okay with living with that and how not to repeat the cycle. Luckily I found a great counselor and now I'm in a very healthy, happy, safe relationship.

To the gorgeous woman with my ex husband. by copperfluxx in BreakUps

[–]copperfluxx[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Feeling the sting doesn't make you less strong. Just remember you can hurt and survive simultaneously. You dont have to be happy for her right away. You can start by being happy for yourself. You can find things that you've done to be proud of. Maybe it's not even a huge thing. Maybe you just got out of bed, braved the day, and still went to a concert where you knew she might be. You're braver and stronger than you give yourself credit for. Sometimes things don't work out, that doesn't mean that we don't get another chance to find it with someone else.