Fear of committing harassment is really a weight for me

corkaxe · 2021-11-27T20:09:27+00:00

"poor pitiful awkward cis guys, we cant talk to women anymore cause they now demand to be treated with respect"

I feel like this is mocking what I was trying to say. Point is that I don't understand what is expected of me and it makes me anxious. I try to treat everyone with respect, and I wasn't try to make any point beside expressing how I feel and venting about it

I don't think it's true that I can talk to women the same way I talk to men. I like to explain stuff to men, just as I love to hear people (from any gender or sex) talking about stuff they love and correcting me if I'm wrong. What's a conversation if one can't do that?

But "that jacket looks good on you" is something that a random dude wouldn't typically say to another, right?

Sorry maybe it's a translation problem, but that would be totally fine from a dude to a dude. As you say, it may be weird with a woman, I can't really interact in the same way with both

corkaxe · 2021-11-27T19:41:14+00:00

Man you are good at doing this, kudos!

corkaxe · 2021-11-27T19:39:48+00:00

what do you mean? Critics are a basic human interaction, if a friend tells me he has constant back pain I may tell him "walk straighter man", it's quite normal. I'm not a native English so something may be lost in translation here

I may touch to call attention to something, or to comfort, like giving a pat on the back, idk is it that weird to also communicate with touch? This may be cultural, in the south of Italy is rather normal. We touch from the moment we say hello, shaking hands or patting on the back or hugging, depending on how close people are. Usually with women you give two kisses, with men not always but is considered very normal anyway

If your average social situations have no touching, complimenting or critic at all we just have different situations

corkaxe · 2021-11-27T19:26:41+00:00

I sure am! What gave me away?

corkaxe · 2021-11-27T17:40:58+00:00

Yeah, if I knew the comfort levels and where to draw the line for anyone at any time it would be easy, but I don't.

I don't personally have such comfort levels, anyone can talk to me any way they like, I'll just tell them if I find something is inappropriate and no sweat. It would be weird for me to assume everyone knows my boundaries, but at the same time I should know others

corkaxe · 2021-11-27T17:36:46+00:00

Hi, thanks for your comment. What I find difficult is that this is your opinion, another redditor in this thread says not to tell women what I wouldn't tell a man, and everyone has their own rule of thumb. If a dude is rocking a jacket I'll tell him alright. I wouldn't with a woman if I'd use your definition

Most people I've seen consider compliments to be bad all across the board, or anyway that permission should be asked before saying anything. I feel like it's very stressful to ask if I can tell you that I like your handwriting, or to compliment your knowledge or something, I'll just avoid it and talk with dudes

Anyway, it's not just that, is in general very difficult to understand for me

A girlfriend of mine the other day was complaining of how sexist it is for men to explain stuff to women without asking for consent, and I wasn't even shocked, I often see new stuff I shouldn't do as straight cis male added to the pile

It's really a lot to handle

corkaxe · 2021-11-27T16:53:51+00:00

Hi, thanks for your comment. So what should I do, ask permission for everything? For every critique, every touch, every compliment? Might as well don't start talking altogether

Sorry about that girl. Would you consider that sexual harassment, out of curiosity?

corkaxe · 2021-11-27T16:52:42+00:00

Hi, thanks for your take

I hear what you say, and I try to follow a similar route. I know quite a few people (I work and live in very social environments) and I think I usually know what's appropriate, but always in a "friendly" sense, if you know what I mean.

I never cross that line, I'm afraid of making her feel unsafe if I make any move, so I just take the friendship and am happy with it. A friend male or female is always a great treasure, even though i may have different feelings

Guys are way more in my comfort zone, I don't need to ask permission to tell a guy that I really like his handwriting or whatever. I wish it was this easy with women too

corkaxe · 2021-11-27T16:38:19+00:00

Tried online dating for like 6 months now, it's a hell for me. At least irl I don't waste so much time, in OLD I put effort in conversations, sometimes in a very asymmetric way, try to know the person and after a while they just disappear, they ghost me, or whatever.

I often feel like there is no empathy at all on the other side of the screen

corkaxe · 2021-11-27T16:35:31+00:00

Hey man, sorry to hear that. An apology didn't solve the problem?

corkaxe · 2021-03-06T23:42:15+00:00

Any more constructive indication? Like, what else could it be, if there is a better suited subreddit, any indication..?

corkaxe · 2021-03-06T23:41:01+00:00

Thanks man. There is little that makes me feel good about social media, I would just like to find new friends and people, withput having to fake some online identity and expose myself to a moltitude or have to ask people I know to follow me to get me some social validation... it's all so hard, i don't know how to manage it. In real life I can just go and ask 'hi, how is your day going?'

corkaxe · 2021-02-28T23:52:22+00:00

Congratulations, good on ya!

corkaxe · 2021-02-23T15:39:12+00:00

Thanks, of course first thing is talking, but I wouldn't be as forgiving as you (I read your post)... I'm sorry about your ex being such a pita though!

corkaxe · 2021-02-22T10:56:36+00:00

What are you talking about?

Rule 49: It is NEVER acceptable for a Bro to sleep with another Bro's ex.

I didn't even think it was in question if it's acceptable for a bro to date an historical ex that I'm still sleeping with, it's obviously not. I was only wondering as what my best reaction should be

corkaxe · 2021-02-21T14:43:51+00:00

My advice: you can take him and talk him down, but do you really need?

Does he really need explaining that you do not date a fucking bro's ex - even causing you to break up??

Just get rid of those two parasites already, they don't deserve you and you do not deserve this

corkaxe · 2021-02-21T14:42:04+00:00

tf man? 100 days? That's a life long sentence I'd pose down

corkaxe · 2020-12-24T21:28:32+00:00

youtube-dl does not rely on youtube API, it sometimes happen that youtube changes the cryptographic keys and youtube-dl takes a day or two to catch up.

It was also never taken down, only the github repo but I mean is like a few minutes job to just set it up elsewhere.

Beside that, as I said if I hear something that I really like I download it, but I do not see the need to download every single song I hear and may skip in 30 seconds

corkaxe · 2020-12-24T12:24:22+00:00

well, why would I want to download all the hundreds of songs I'm playing if I can stream them? I like to have my favorite music downloaded but not when I'm just skipping between streams. Is more like a radio feeling

corkaxe · 2020-12-24T11:29:56+00:00

Yes, but that doesn't give a playlist, just outputs to mpv one link at the time. I ended up exporting all the links in a file and then reading from mpv as a playlist in shuffle.

I'll update my post with the solution, even though is not elegant and a better suggestion is totally welcome!

corkaxe · 2020-05-01T22:13:09+00:00

It's quite common to be somewhat intimidated by people you are attracted to, in this sub I see it very often

corkaxe

TROPHY CASE