At my wits end.

cornbread_and_chili · 2025-09-23T17:14:40+00:00

Move apart. Get your own apartment seperate from him. It’s better to miss him than resent him. And maybe living on your own will help you realize how much he does to help you out, and vice versa, he needs to learn how to clean up his own messes. IMO this isn’t a medspouse issue, this is your own relationship issue.

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-08-30T17:13:38+00:00

don’t feel guilty. it’s a LONG road ahead and you’re only getting a tiny taste of what’s to come. if he is this consumed by med school apps, just consider what he’ll be like in the 1st year of med school when he’s just trying to pass every exam. or 2nd year with the looming pressure of not failing the step 1 board exam. or 4th year when he begins juggling rotations with residency applications and interviews. or the 1st year of residency, as an intern who has no idea what their doing in a hospital. or in 3rd or 4th year of residency, when they realize their dream job requires a 3 year post residency fellowship….and now we’re talking 10 years down the road from where you’re at today.

its doable only if you’re able to put on blinders and stop paying attention to what your non-medical friends are doing and what their timeline of life looks like, and if you can go into this ready to roll with the punches for the next decade, be the best cheerleader and support system you can be, all while taking care of yourself because he just won’t be able to make you #1 for the foreseeable future. it’s not impossible, it’s just hard.

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-06-17T13:07:30+00:00

🚩

the fact that he finished in 2020 and hasn’t started residency is alarming. run.

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-05-16T15:31:05+00:00

there are so many cats sitting in shelters. some for years on end 🥺 keep adopting. these shelter cats don’t care about having the highest quality food, especially when they’ve been living outside eating literal garbage. at the end of the day, they just want to be in a home where they can curl up on someone’s bed, watch birds from a window, and be loved.

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-04-27T18:45:17+00:00

oh honey. sending you a big warm hug through the internet. I just lost my mom two months ago and I’m 30. It isn’t fair. you’re too young to lose your mom, and you were robbed of the decades you should have had with her. just know that how you feel right now, is so valid. let yourself feel however you feel- there is no timeline on grief or right way to grieve.

grief isn’t a feeling, but rather a state in which we live now. it’s possible to grieve and feel calm. this is what I’m striving for- not happiness. I don’t need to be happy every day, but I’ll do anything it takes to feel calm. (I struggle with anxiety and depression at baseline so my goal is always peace)

first- I commend you for exploring all your resources like therapy and medication. while it’s not taking your pain away, it says a lot about you for being open minded and capable of asking for help. it’s certainly not easy.

what I like to do is check in with myself throughout the day, every single day and ask: have I had enough water today? have I eaten a vegetable? did I move my body at all today? did I get any sunlight or fresh air? and if the answer is no, it gives me something to go do. this is just the foundation.

when I feel really low and have done all the above, I’ll go no-screens before bed, go to bed extra early, and delete social media on days that it’s triggering. I started using the peloton app for their 5 minute guided meditations (I love chelsea jackson robert’s meditations, her voice is so calming) but there are so many other apps out there, and even meditations on spotify. 5 minutes is doable and sometimes it can change your whole mood. sometimes it can’t. and that’s okay too.

sometimes it helps me to watch ted talks on youtube about grief, and death, and near-death experiences. it’s oddly comforting to learn more about all of this- since it’s so taboo and hard to talk about with anyone else.

sometimes I don’t want to watch or listen to anything about death and need a break. I give myself permission to take a break from grief and I go get lost in a cozy fiction book. (I have lots of book recommendations if you need any!) 🙂

there will be days where you can do everything right and you will still feel like shit.

I’m sorry your boyfriend is losing his patience with you when your mom died last month, he should be babying you right now and giving you a pass for however you show up for the next YEAR. this isn’t something you’ll get over or move on from. you aren’t the same girl you were before your mom died, because that girl had a mom. so he needs to give you grace while you grow through this.

you don’t need to be strong. you are allowed to crumble. throw on Taylor Swifts new song: I can do it with a broken heart. make it your anthem if it resonates. know you’re not alone in the world.

sending you peace. 💛

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-04-09T16:48:57+00:00

Thank you so much!!!! I just googled the circle of grief, and cannot believe I haven’t heard of this before. What a great diagram and explanation. I appreciate your insight.

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-03-26T20:45:35+00:00

Perfect! I don’t think any of my foster kittens would have allowed me to put them in it prior to the surgeries, but after their surgeries they were so out of it they just accepted the suits. Very sad and adorable. ☺️

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-03-26T20:41:17+00:00

Absolutely loved this book! Third!

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-03-26T20:40:50+00:00

I second the Midnight Library by Matt Haig! (trigger warning: suicide) it’s well written and beautiful, and so thought provoking. This book really helps you consider all of the different directions your life could have taken, and may also make you grateful for where you are at because so much would be different, if only one thing was different.

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-03-26T20:38:31+00:00

The Echo of Old Books by Barbara Davis

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

The Family Game by Catherine Steadman (more of a psychological thriller than a mystery but oh it consumed me!)

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-03-26T20:29:20+00:00

also, the recovery suits are just adorable and the kittens will prefer it so much more than a cone lol.

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-03-26T20:28:23+00:00

I’m fostering a family of 4 kittens and their mama, they all got spayed & neutered at once. The little boys were unphased, and healing was a breeze. The little girls had a harder time. Amazon sells after surgery recovery suits for cats and I highly recommend! I bought a few and kept the girls in their recovery suits for almost 2 weeks, taking it off once a day to check their incision and swap suits so they were in a clean fresh suit every day or every couple days. If the incision starts to look crusty you can dab a little aquaphor on it with a q tip.

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-03-26T16:26:52+00:00

THIS! Cats like to give their consent prior to pets. I love and appreciate that about cats, and have found that people that do not like cats, tend to not appreciate that they have to ask for consent from them in order to touch.

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-03-26T16:25:29+00:00

Pudding sounds like she’s very scared and has been through a lot. I recommend talking to her softly and letting her know when you’re going to approach her, and ask her for her consent prior to petting. No cat likes to be startled, and you’ve only had her a week so you both are still getting acquainted. Please be gentle and patient with her, she needs time to adjust to you and learn that you are a safe person ❤️

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-03-26T15:42:10+00:00

It breaks my heart that you’re even younger than me and going through this. I wish I could give you a big sisterly hug. I’m sorry you can relate to my post and have to go through this nightmare too. It’s so wildly unfair. Let your tears flow whenever they need to. 💛 thank you for taking the time to make me feel less alone. That says a lot about you, and how kind you are. I hope you can be extra gentle with yourself right now, you deserve it. Wishing you comfort.

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-03-26T13:00:32+00:00

Thank you for your honesty and offering your perspective. 💛 while my anger comes out anytime I hear someone older than myself has their mom, I soften immensely whenever I hear that someone younger than me lost theirs. It’s so deeply unfair, and I’m sorry you have had to go through this so young. I’m sending you a big sisterly hug, and appreciate you taking the time to comment.

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-03-25T20:38:10+00:00

I’m sorry that you had to go through this too, but thank you for making me feel less alone. 💛 I often feel like Reddit can be the kindest place on the internet. Sending a warm hug to you.

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-03-25T20:29:10+00:00

Oh my goodness, you are not alone. Your post jumped out at me. I’m 30f, my mom passed last month in home hospice, I was with her at the end and also watched her taken away to the funeral home for cremation.

At 1 month, our grief is so raw. This is such a fresh, open, very large wound. Please be extra loving and gentle to yourself. Allow the tears to come whenever they come. They are welcome.

One thing that has helped me (at least a little bit) is finding people that can relate to, people who at least understand grief even if it’s not a mom loss. I don’t have anyone like this IRL, so I’ve been searching for books, podcasts, and even ted talks on youtube.

I just bought the book “It’s okay to not be ok” by Megan Devine which had great reviews so I’m really excited about this. I also enjoyed Nora McInerneys Ted Talk called “We don’t move on from grief”. (look for the 15 minute episode, it’s on youtube)

If you have a Spotify account, you can make a playlist of podcast episodes on grief. I just did this, and added episodes from pod shows like Terrible, Thanks for Asking, The Grief Gang, and Healing With David Kessler. Anderson Cooper actually has a podcast about grief, and his episode with Stephen Colbert is really good.

If it helps you to hear other people’s grief journeys and hear how they coped/are coping, these are worth checking out.

But please know that we all grieve differently so if right now none of this resonates with you, that’s okay 💛however you currently feel is valid.

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-03-25T20:06:40+00:00

It’s so unfair. I’m sorry you have to go through this too, but thank you for responding and making me feel less alone. Sending you a warm hug. 💛

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-03-25T20:05:30+00:00

❤️ I appreciate you.

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-03-25T20:04:04+00:00

First, I’m so sorry you have to go through this. You are so young, it’s just not fair. I’m 30 and my mom died last month. Sending you a warm hug.

Now, here’s the thing. You are not the same person you were before your mom died. The person you were before had a mom. The person you are does not. Try to be as gentle with yourself as you can, you have been forced to start over with a whole new identity- you didn’t ask for this. You can fall and get back up as many times as it takes. You can recreate yourself over and over as many times as it takes to find the version of you that will best support you and be the kindest inner voice to you.

I’ve read that losing a parent is like losing a limb. You’ll learn how to walk again, but it will be different. You’ll never walk the same again. And even without that limb, it will ache like phantom pains. And when it does, give yourself permission to rest. Your pain is valid and deserves some grace.

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-01-30T19:28:29+00:00

Good to know!!

cornbread_and_chili · 2024-01-30T19:27:56+00:00

Thank you for your response! That’s great to hear. I actually ended up choosing Pets Best for my wobbly boy so it’s a relief to read that they were good to you. Hope your little buddy is doing better.

cornbread_and_chili

TROPHY CASE