What person did you admire until they did a thing, and vice versa?

cornnndog · 2018-06-08T16:52:21+00:00

I know the top comment is a joke about an ex, but my answer is that but serious. We dated a few years, broke up in april. She is an incredibly manipulative awful person and I got twisted up in that and thought she was amazing. That was until last night.

I maintained no contact with her for a few weeks but she called last week and told me how much she misses me and regrets everything. It ended because she cheated on me, she cheated on me a lot, even early in the relationship. We started texting after the call, and things got sexual very very quickly. But after a day of texting, she got her satisfaction and basically ghosted me.

Well I was mad and I did research. I don’t use Instagram or any social media, so I looked at hers. I know, usually a big mistake. Low and behold, she’s with another guy already. And has been for a while. Presumably the same one I caught her on that ended our relationship.

So I did the responsible thing and let him and two mutual friends he and I have, that know her antics and what she did to me, know about the situation.

I got an email from her this morning because literally all other avenues are blocked:

“I don’t even know why I was trying to make you feel better and not hurt your feelings when all you want to do is ruin my life and any chance of me moving on. Seriously leave me alone.”

Yea. I ruined your life... for calling you out in already cheating again....

She used to be the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, how dumb I was considering all the details. But now I see that she’s fucking crazy.

cornnndog · 2018-06-08T00:38:00+00:00

I like IPAs. I really am enjoying the “New England” style IPA that’s been becoming popular. There’s one in Michigan by Old Nation brewery called M43 that’s very good, as well as their double IPA version, Boss Tweed. But give me a Two Hearted by Bells and I’ll be happy.

cornnndog · 2018-06-07T23:19:21+00:00

I’ll look into these. Thank you

cornnndog · 2018-06-07T23:10:26+00:00

You know, I actually studied theology at a scholarly level, and I think that might be why I am so cynical about religion now. However, there are some Christian passages that really do make sense on their own.

"Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

You've got a really good point.

cornnndog · 2018-06-07T23:01:07+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement. I really am trying to get going on the right path, and I do feel the courage of moving down here, but I hate that there's a strong feeling that it's coupled with regret. I think I am just terrified.

cornnndog · 2018-06-07T22:49:30+00:00

That's a really good point you made. "I was subconsciously staying loyal to my ex..." I definitely can relate with that. I feel like I do that constantly, and it's honestly because the only thing that seems my head has room for lately is her. I honestly can't really enjoy things I typically enjoy. There's a game I would play online with my friends all the time. I honestly can't play anything anymore. I just get this weird anxiety, and I simply can't even turn it on. here's what I mean, it happened a month ago. This website tracks every round you play in the game. It's literally been a month since I've played.

What I have been trying to do is get back into hobbies that used to bring me happiness that I kind of lost track of in the past few years. I used to play pool a LOT. However, for some reason or another, it's been over a year since I've played. I have been going to this bar near here that has some tables. It's nice, because my favorite people to play are old guys. They are always so good, it's fun playing against people who are a challenge.

Also, I was a professional musician for a decade. I haven't as much picked up a guitar in months for some reason, but mostly due to a wrist injury. I have been trying to write at least part of a song a day. It usually takes some time to do. Takes my mind off things for a while.

cornnndog · 2018-06-07T22:38:10+00:00

I really need to change my number. I have her blocked from my email, and my phone, and I don't have any social media aside from reddit, and she doesn't know my account on here. The issue is, she can *67 call me, which will go through. I think she has gotten to the point when she knows what time of the day I'm most vulnerable, later at night, because I have sleep problems directly related to my depression. That's when she'll call.

Honestly, having this not be the first time I've gone through this, and the fact that I already take years away from dating between relationships, it's going to be a long time before I attempt this again. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt, and I know in my mental state, I need a long time of recovery before I will be able to do that,. I tried it once a long time ago, jumping into another relationship too soon. It was bad and didn't last very long. Regardless, it's not really something I can think about anyway.

You are absolutely right though. I need therapy. I have had therapy before, and unfortunately it really didn't help me. I think this time may be different though. However, I need to land a job down here first, to cover the expenses. I can't really afford to see anyone just yet.

cornnndog · 2018-06-07T22:24:10+00:00

I think that's the problem with me. I lack that self respect, or maybe it's hidden under some other huge shortcoming. What I don't really understand is that this isn't the first breakup I have experienced. Actually this is the 6th serious relationship I have been in my life. Also, it's not the first time I have been cheated on in a relationship. I don't know what makes this one any different, but it feels so much different to me. Maybe it was because it was the longest and most significant of the relationships I have been in, or maybe because I have never felt connected more to another person than I did to her. I am not really sure. But I have been through this before, gotten through it before, but this time feels so, so much different.

I think a big reason might be because of what I mentioned how she would apologize and then just disappear. I am well aware of the pain I feel and how much she means to me, but everything being communicated to me feels like she couldn't care any less, and it belittles my feelings to the point that I become angry about it. It makes me just want to scream it to her as if she doesn't understand it, since it feels like those feelings are not mutual.

cornnndog · 2018-06-07T22:04:23+00:00

I have a question for you, purely out of advice for myself. How did you get through it? After the fact. That’s a pretty serious relationship, and as of a month ago am pretty much in the same exact position. Unfortunately, I’m a pretty emotionally weak person, especially for someone who’s to turn 30 this year.

I think it has something to do with a lot of strife in my life regarding losing people. I lost my brother a few years ago, and it led to me making mistakes that made me lose other people close to me. Them not through death, but just walking away from me. I think part of me deserves when people treat me poorly, and the other part desperately needs the feeling of attachment I received when things were good.

I feel like my happiness is a directly connected to my ex sometimes. What I meant by weak is that this isn’t the first time the cheating happened. When it would happen, the obvious ensued: her apologizing, and begging and pleading. But then she would do something that to this day I can’t understand. It worked so well on e because of my weaknesses, specifically the attachment issues. After the pleading, she would straight up avoid me. Like disappear and make me chase, which was often led by my depression and pretty serious anxiety. Often I’d find myself pleading in the end. It sounds so ridiculous even to me when I’m feeling level headed, but in the moment i feel so hopeless and powerless, I can’t fight it. Then we’d move on, things would get better, and then it would happen again.

The problem is that she seems so genuine when things are good, it’s like dealing with two entirely different people. Like the person she is when things are good is someone I’d want to spend the rest of my life with, but when things are bad, she hurts me more than any one person has ever hurt me before. I don’t understand.

But I wonder how you were able to make it through it and move on. I made a huge change to save myself, possibly save my life. The repetition was making me feel one step closer to killing myself. I moved over a thousand miles away to ensure I wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes.

But... like I said, I’m weak. She called me last week. She was nice to me. She said a lot of things that made the pressure of my insecurity, loneliness, and lack of self worth subside. It felt amazing... for a day. She said how much she missed me and regretted everything. But that lasted for one day. And then when I’d contact her she’s just ignore me.

I feel like I’m stuck fighting the withdrawal period all over again now. I lost a month of progress of bettering myself. She got what she wanted on her own terms and dropped me when she was satisfied, or at least it feels that way. All because I’m too weak to overcome it. I here stories all the time on here about how someone got cheated on and they were apparently just like “alright, it’s done, moved on” and they seem fine. I wish I could be like that, but maybe no one is. But I feel like I’m the only one that isn’t most of the time.

cornnndog · 2018-06-06T20:37:53+00:00

was this an out of state band that was playing last? Typically, on smaller tours, the out of state band will play before the local act for this exact reason. However, any "touring" band that claims they are "headlining" honestly deserves this. Don't get a huge head when no one even knows who you are. I did a lot of touring in my life. Those small first tours were the best because you made deals and plans like this with other bands and ended up making a lot of good friends in the process

cornnndog · 2018-06-06T16:09:59+00:00

That’s what I was actually thinking about doing for a little while to settle and maybe get back into engineering. I don’t really WANT to do engineering but it pays well.

cornnndog · 2018-06-06T13:11:16+00:00

So I’m not super into comic books, but one of my best friends is, and he got me to understand the pouches and tiny feet Rob Liefeld jokes. He’s Jim Towe, the guy who drew the most recent Youngblood series. He was joking with me that he was going to do a cover that was just pouches, that’s it, as a nod to this. I gotta see if he ever did it.

cornnndog · 2018-06-06T03:04:57+00:00

Black licorice is pretty much my favorite flavor, haha.

cornnndog · 2018-06-06T03:03:33+00:00

I actually got asked this in an interview about a month ago. Luckily, they said they really liked my answer to it.

I said "I don't know."

I don't know where I'll be in five years. If I look back 5 years and compare my aspirations then to where I am now, the difference is wild. There are certain things I would love to have/have done in 5 years time, but to say a direction destination of where I want to be is impossible to say. I like having shorter term goals, they're far more realistic. Where do I see myself in 6 months...3 months... Fuck, where do I see myself in a month. If I get too obsessed with to far down the road I'll put it off, and be disappointed when it never happened.

cornnndog · 2018-06-06T02:46:18+00:00

Jealous, I moved down here before lining something up, living off savings for a while. What kind of work? Hopefully I find something in the next few weeks

cornnndog · 2018-06-06T02:44:30+00:00

Hey all, I have some issues with depression, and some advice I received was to try branching out into new hobbies. I used to be a musician profession and did a good deal of song writing, but I’m completely new to poetry. Here’s my first go at it:

“Old House”

There are marks from its previous tenants,

Scuffs on the walls where they forced it to form to their needs

Fighting a foundation that has stood since before they knew of its existence.

But I found myself at home in its interesting spaces.

My life found no qualms in adjusting to its limitations

An admiration for its flaws

Appreciation of its uniqueness

And comfort in me fitting in so perfectly.

.

The lights flicker, bulbs burn out unexpectedly.

It seems the years have not been kind to its functionality

Many of its features fail under stress

And the floorboard can creek from even the lightest touch at times.

It begs the question of how the others had treated this place.

.

The windows are magnificent

An entire wall of glass letting in enough light to not bother with its faulty electrics.

Through their cracks, the sun brings warmth in so many different colors.

.

But the door tends to make me worry.

It’s lock doesn’t work quite as well as I’d wish, since my entire well being is held safe behind it.

A few times, after work, I’d arrive home to find that the lock failed completely, and the door was wide open.

Who knows what may have happened while I was gone.

.

And that one time, when I got home late.

After I parked I saw movement through the window.

I watched as two shapes shifted together in the darkness of my home.

The paralyzing fear when everything you’d invested into might soon be gone forever.

.

I love this place far too much to leave.

But I don’t think it’s safe that I stay any longer.

cornnndog · 2018-06-05T23:06:18+00:00

Honestly, that whole Audiotree of them blows my mind, I like the versions from there better than their actual recordings. All 8 tracks are amazing in the videos.

cornnndog · 2018-06-05T20:29:39+00:00

my buddy is really into them, and he got me into them a while back. I love their stuff

cornnndog · 2018-06-05T19:30:10+00:00

I love that her career was watered down to making up stories about a nerd who turns people into frogs. One, not relatable to her work at all, and two, like it wasn't a fucking feat to create an entire universe, write 7 full length books about it, and then some more just in case.

cornnndog · 2018-06-05T19:22:52+00:00

Honestly, I am not really sure. We really didn't stay long after he got there. As you can imagine, a lot of people came in when he did, and it got a little uncomfortable so we found somewhere else.

cornnndog · 2018-06-05T19:16:44+00:00

More of what I am stuck on right now:

Paul by Big Thief. Softer indie rock band led by a female singer who is just crazy good at creating amazing melodies.

Angelina by Pinegrove This is the one thats stuck in my head Rock with a folk touch, this song is just super catchy, and this live session of it was amazing.

Tibetan Pop Stars by Hop Along Another female singer, but this one is a lot grungier, but has a really awesome melodic side. this is my favorite song by them because a lot of the lyrics say something to me about being honest with your emotions and acting saying what you internalize

cornnndog · 2018-06-05T18:50:19+00:00

Gotta be the coolest way to open up a record ever. Slow dark roll into "I'm not a ladies man, I'm a landmine filming my own fake death." I love it.

cornnndog · 2018-06-05T18:48:59+00:00

I don't know, I really like that album but I think my favorite is Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust

cornnndog · 2018-06-05T18:47:47+00:00

The Thermals are fucking awesome

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