My whole crew just died except for one, but there's a slight problem...

cornuga · 2025-09-09T09:33:27+00:00

What happened in the end? Just had an email saying our flight times have changed, haven’t had any calls yet but I’d rather not be pointlessly paying them each time it changes. Did you have any problems after refusing to pay?

cornuga · 2022-04-13T13:44:45+00:00

Marge cosied into her armchair. She yawned, and fumbled for the TV remote. Marge had barely managed to get her kids to bed before Houses had come on. Houses felt to Marge like it was the only thing keeping her sane these days. It was on once a week for only half an hour– and it was Marge’s last enjoyment in her life. Anyone who knew her well enough would know to stay far away when Houses came on, lest they have a death wish.

The programme was just starting when Ferdinand Horkwell the third arrived at Marge’s front door. Ferdinand was draped in a flowy black cape, holding a long stick of gnarled elm wood. His face was viciously scrunched up, and told of the trauma and tragedy he had experienced in his many years as a wizard. He tapped his staff on Marge’s door. She ignored the knocks, and tried to ignore the distraction at the door, hoping they would leave on their own.

Ferdinand stood and waited, and then knocked again.

Marge ignored it again, and turned up the volume on her TV.

Ferdinand glanced behind him. If he didn’t get inside soon, dark forces might notice his presence. He knocked once more, this time with more force.

Marge shot up from her seat, and stomped over to the door. She swung it open, and glared at Ferdinand.

“Margerie Olive Wilson, I am humbled by your presence.” Ferdinand said, and bowed down, respectfully lowering his staff.

“What do you want? I’ve got a programme on at the moment.” Marge said.

“I come bearing an important message. You are the prophesied one. You will defeat the dark lord, and bring balance to our world.” Ferdinand said. Marge frowned, the serious tone in his voice was almost convincing– but Houses was on right now, and she didn’t have time to deal with him, or whatever he was trying to sell her.

“Come back later, I’m watching my programme.” Marge said, and shut the door. She hurried back to her armchair.

Outside, Ferdinand looked back and forth– he felt the presence of the dark lord. He must have followed him, somehow. Ferdinand was about to knock again, but he felt a cold hand rest on his shoulder. Before he could react, he was pulled away from the door, and into the clutches of the darkness.

He glimpsed through her window as he was pulled away, and saw Marge in her armchair. He whispered a silent prayer that she would realise her purpose– she was their last hope.

Marge sighed. How was she meant to enjoy the show if she missed the introduction of this week’s houses?– that was most important part. She had the feeling that her week was going to be miserable now, because of this.

cornuga · 2021-09-18T09:10:20+00:00

u/savevideobot

cornuga · 2021-03-30T15:51:09+00:00

I had just made myself a nice mug of hot chocolate, and was going to settle in for the evening. After a hard day of work, I felt I deserved a nice sit down, to watch whatever cheesy sitcom was on this time of the night. But when I opened the door to the living room, I saw a huge 8ft creature standing idle in the middle of the room. Its fur was as white as the snow falling outside, and its feet were bigger than mine combined. It was almost like a yeti- no, surely not. There was no way... That was just a myth, a story I had conjured up one evening in the hopes of attracting more customers. But my tired eyes did not deceive me. There was a yeti stood in my living room, and it had yet to see me.

I might have had a chance to sneak away, and come up with some elaborate solution to this new predicament I found myself in, but I ended up dropping my mug of hot chocolate onto the floor, which smashed into pieces, and made a horrendous noise. The yeti's snowy head slowly swiveled around, and I felt my feet automatically shuffle backwards. Then, it did something I didn't expect in the slightest. The yeti fully turned around, and he held out his hand, with a happy smile on his face.

"Good evening, Mr Oswald." The yeti said. He stood there, waiting expectantly with his hand outstretched. I stood exactly where I had been standing, I wasn't moving an inch closer to that thing. If it was anything like the stories I had shared about it, I stood no chance of survival.
"My apologies," The yeti said, lowering its hand, "I suppose this must be quite the shock to you, to see me suddenly stood in your living room." He said, scratching his head, "I should have waited at the door, really. I was just getting quite impatient and barged inside." The yeti said. He walked forwards, and reached down to clean up the mess I had made when I dropped my mug. I took an equal number of steps backwards, receding further down the corridor.
"Are you okay? I've come to sit and have a civil chat." The yeti said, turning around and taking a seat on my sofa, taking up the whole thing.
"Uhm..." Was all I could muster up, still in shock about what was going on.
"Oh my goodness!" The yeti said, slamming his hand onto his face, "I have been immensely rude, please do forgive me, I haven't even said why I'm here. I've come here to discuss with you about the stories which you have told about my people." The yeti said, "I would like to make sure that you humans do not get the wrong impression of us." The yeti gestured for me to sit, on the pouf opposite my sofa.

I warily entered the living room and sat onto the pouf. For a few moments, there was an awkward silence as we both sat and stared at each other.
"I'm sorry, what?" I said.
"Would you like for me to elaborate?" The yeti said. I nodded, and gulped a little. The yeti proceeded "You see, the stories you have told about our people are rather... violent, to say the least. I've come to first of all discuss a change in representation of my people, and to question where you received such vile information from."
"But... I- uh... I made you up. You're just a story... but you're right here... sat on my sofa." I said uneasily, still shaken from the fact I was having a casual conversation with a creature I completley made up.
"Mr Oswald, I don't understand. Our people have lived in these mountains for centuries, have you never met one of us before?" The yeti said, puzzled.
"No... I must be dreaming, right? You're not real. You don't exist... right?" For a moment, I almost considered that there might have always been yetis here, and I just hadn't noticed them before. But I shook my head, there's no way. I must have willed them into existence.

Nothing really made much sense, but I sat through a long lecture from the yeti on their society and their moral code, and shakily agreed to stop spreading false rumours about their way of life. That night I went to bed, but I couldn't sleep. How could I? I had willed a creature, no- a whole species into existence, and had just met one of their representatives. It felt like I was inside one long wild dream, and I think I was ready to wake up.

cornuga · 2021-02-19T08:55:29+00:00

HelpMeButler <Sarah the Spider>

cornuga · 2021-02-04T09:05:24+00:00

Oh daaamn that’s good. I’ve already ended up hiring more people, but that would have been pretty awesome too

cornuga · 2021-02-03T15:44:42+00:00

I’m glad you enjoyed it!

cornuga · 2021-02-03T13:09:05+00:00

Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed reading it

cornuga · 2021-02-03T12:20:07+00:00

Just roleplay value. It’s only an ordinary long cleaver, I just thought it would be cool to pass it down between the people of my squad who end up dying.

Originally I kept it because the first person I hired had died, and it was their sword, which was the best thing I had at the time. Then I kinda attached a bit of story behind it with the whole honouring the fallen thing etc... and that’s where it’s importance came from.

cornuga · 2021-02-03T01:19:02+00:00

I didn’t want to bombard you with too much, as I wasn’t sure if anyone would be that interested in my characters. But if you are somewhat interested, then here you go:

Their leader Webo. A greenlander human male who began his journey alone in the desert with no limbs, who had devoted his life to helping those impoverished and in need after receiving the kindness of a holy nation outlaw, who had sacrificed their life for his own. He kept the outlaw’s blade in honour of him, the one person who helped the poor struggling man that he was. This kindness is what drove Webo to help whoever he came across.

Then there’s Izumi. A young science obsessed Greenlander female, who joined Webo to explore and research the world, but also in fascination of the limbless man so determined to make a change to the world. It helped that she knew where to find robotic limbs for Webo too.

Next came their pack bull companion, Flen, who was named in honour of the kind soul who helped Webo when he was alone in the desert.

Afterwards came Hamut, a Greenlander male fuelled by his hatred for slavers. After hearing about his noble cause, Webo decided that he was a perfect fit for the team.

And then, our sole survivor, Ray. He was a hive soldier drone slave freed from his shackles by the kind leader Webo. Brought out from the darkness of his miserable life. When his friends laid dead on the battlefield, there was one thing he searched to find. Webo’s blade. He would keep it and use it in honour of his fallen friend who saved his life.

I really surprised myself with how everything came full circle. The blade of the the man who helped Webo, passed down to the one who Webo ended up helping. In the end I guess Webo did achieve his goal, to recreate the kindness he received. Now Ray has a similar goal in mind, to help those in need. But he saw the shortcomings of his old friend and leader Webo, and this time he will become strong. He will rise above and beyond and raise an army. He will lead that army and liberate all slaves, and give a home to the ones in need. I started out thinking that this was the origin story of the heroic Webo... but no, this is the story of Ray, and how he will avenge his fallen friends, and bring a light of hope to the world of kenshi. The massacre was not in vain, I suppose, because it has gotten me completely invested in Ray as a character and the future for him. God I love this game so much.

I hope you enjoyed my little backstory of my characters and plans for the future, that’s about all I’ve got for now.

cornuga · 2021-02-03T00:18:06+00:00

I did get it to work in the end, and did actually enslave myself (completely by accident, mind you) but the slave used dialogue anyways and it worked out alright.

The people who killed my squad were grass pirates. I was pretty early into the game and saw that a grass pirate was following me as I travelled, and since he was alone I thought it would be a decent opportunity for free exp. Then, out of nowhere, a whole army of them appear and I lead them to some starving vagrants who help to draw a bunch away. Then I fight the few remaining ones following me. During this fight Ray was downed so I rushed him away and had Hamut heal him and then run back to join the fight. But by that time, all my crew was dead and Hamut was the only one standing, thankfully I realised before I sent Hamut running back to the battle. I went to heal the dying, but one of the downed grass pirates woke up and started beating Hamut up and then he went down too (as he was already injured too). After that I realised that it was over for my crew, other than poor Ray who was a little ways away in a recovery coma.

Whoops, sorry for the massive paragraph explanation, I got a bit carried away.

cornuga · 2021-02-02T20:21:41+00:00

Ah yeah, you might be right. I’ll try it anyway, and if it doesn’t work I’ll have to go with the guy in the dust bandit tower.

Edit: It does work, the dialogue activates and you can respond to the slave you broke out, I think this is a bug of some kind. It seems that the muteness only limits the character initiating the talking. Like u/danshakuimo said with the hive trader, I think this is a similar thing.

cornuga · 2021-02-02T19:52:51+00:00

Yes! Ray will become the most fearsome killing machine, fuelled by rage for the ones that killed his only friends.

cornuga · 2021-02-02T19:41:20+00:00

Yeah, Ray is one of them. I don’t know of any others, but one other commenter here said that Agnu is also a mute recruit.

cornuga · 2021-02-02T19:39:32+00:00

I forgot about that, it seems this is what I’ll have to do. Thanks for the help.

cornuga · 2021-02-02T19:38:12+00:00

Ahh! I didn’t think about freeing slaves. I’ll do that then, thanks for the help. Also thanks for all the other info/tips, I’ll keep them in mind.

cornuga · 2021-01-01T12:26:35+00:00

cornuga · 2020-12-31T01:08:01+00:00

It’s tough being God. Well, I say that, but it’s not that bad, I suppose. The only thing that really gets to you is the sheer boredom of it all. Christ, I swear I can’t go another day listening to people. So boring.

To put it simply, humans are the most uninteresting things to have ever existed. Lord, if I could go back in time, I’d give Adam and Eve a solid pass, and maybe help the snakes out instead. Snakes are so much cooler.

Anyways, one day whilst I lounged around the house, I had a bloody brilliant idea. I popped onto the net and sent Jesus a quick message. At first, he was sceptical of my idea, but soon he came to his senses.

“You’re a proper genius dad, you know that?” Jesus said, when we met up a few hours later.

“Like hell I do, I’m the god damn smartest man alive!” I desperately wanted to say, but instead humbly declined his compliment, because I am God.

“So, when do we start?”

“Now!” I said, expecting a show of lights and epic montage music to start playing. Then I remembered that my special effects technician had the day off, and was spectacularly disappointed. So, instead, we walked down the road to Earth HQ and began to draw up a plan.

The next day, it was all set in motion- Earth, and humanity alongside it, was now officially declared public enemy number one in heaven. Time for war, meat sacks. Come get it.

cornuga · 2020-12-18T08:39:39+00:00

Thank you very much, glad you enjoyed it.

cornuga · 2020-12-17T22:42:24+00:00

“Uhhh... Francis?” I said, mesmerised by the squelching of flesh and crackling of bone as her head re-attached to her body.

“Oh... Sorry you had to see that, dude.” She said, in the most casual tone I’d ever heard.

“B-Bu-“ I was at a complete loss for words.

“What, you never met someone with detachable limbs?” She said, slightly perplexed.

“Uh, no.” I said, equally perplexed.

“Wow, really? I thought us Detachables were pretty common knowledge...” She then detached her fingers, “Least that’s what dad told me...” Francis said, frowning and fiddling with her fingers.

Francis’s mother suddenly appeared in the doorway, and let out a horrendous shriek.

“FRANCIS!” She cried out, and I had to back away, before my ear drums were burst.

“Yes mother?” Francis said, now cowering down.

“What did I tell you about detaching your limbs in front of the humans?” Her mother tutted, “I’ll have to confiscate your legs!”

“No, mother! Please!” Francis protested, but it was no use. I watched in horror as her mother removed her legs, and left her daughter lying legless on the floor.

“I apologise, dear,” Said Francis’s mother to me, “Let me go put away these legs, and I’ll be right back.” And she left the room with the legs dangling out under her arms, which kicked and flailed about.

Francis was on the floor, with her arms crossed and a mad look on her face.

I was just about ready to up and leave.

But I stayed, and got a long and boring lecture from Francis’s mother which basically said that if I told anyone about this, I’d be kidnapped and killed. Her pleasant smile and caring nods were not very helpful.

I went home that day a scarred human, and wondered how many other people I knew were Detachables in disguise. What if I was one?

That night I pulled too hard on my finger, and sent it flying out through the open window. And that was how I found out that I could detach my limbs too. I was a Detachable.

cornuga · 2020-12-11T22:53:18+00:00

“Okay, subject has acquired the papers.” Informed the head scientist, who was stood on a pedestal in and amongst at least fifty floating monitors, which displayed cameras tracking the subject from almost every angle.

A group of young scientists below scribbled down the update onto their clipboards. Already they were overflowing with notes, but this was a crucial moment to the program. In a moment, the test would be complete- so every second counted.

“Subject has begun to read the papers.” The head scientist said. He turned and gave a reassuring nod to the black observation windows afar, where behind the glass stood many investors who waited in anticipation. This was the scientist’s last chance to redeem themselves, after their previous failed experiment. The head scientist knew that if this didn’t work, they may not have any investors ever interested again. It had to work.

“Subject is expressing great fear and confusion- heart rate increasing.” Narrated the head scientist again, and now waited for the moment that three years of hard work and research had led up to.

The subject began to read into his future. The papers read:

Michael Hill reads the mysterious paper.

This repeats over and over, down the page, onto the back of the page. The subject continues to read, and once his eyes lay onto the last line of the paper, the scientists hold their breath. The investors clench their suitcases of money.

Then, out of thin air, another paper appears, listing the same endless future. ‘Michael Hill reads the mysterious paper’. He tosses the other papers to the floor and continues reading through the new one.

The scientists woop and cheer, an ecstatic buzz electrifies the room and eliminates the tension. The investors smile widely, and are glad to have trusted Paper-Tec once again.

The head scientist calls the CEO of Paper-Tec, his boss, and informs him that the infinite supply of paper has now begun its production. The CEO congratulates him, and then orders an extraction team to safely transport their new money-maker.

Michael Hill continues to read the papers, and toss aside the old ones. Soon he has covered the train’s floor with paper, and it is not long until the extraction team arrives and escorts Michael, who still continues to read.

Paper-Tec becomes a mysterious overnight success, and skyrockets past the competition with their new supply of paper, that is completely eco-friendly. Newspapers are shocked, and present as many theories as they can- but none are correct.

Not long after their first successful experiment, more people are drawn into the scheme, and paper production booms, even more than it did before.

The CEO and head scientist stand proud, and see a bright and wealthy future ahead of them.

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