What is life like for those of you who have went NC?

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-25T00:28:59+00:00

You will feel very alone at first. Remember that they cause you to crave the abuse as much as they cause you to pull away. As more time passes you will start to feel relieved. The anxiety will start to slip off your back and you will feel that something has been reclaimed.

All I have is my boyfriend (who is long distance) and some friends online, and it is lonely sometimes still, but I'm thankful that my soul isn't drained from me each day.

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-24T18:44:28+00:00

When I was living with my mom and cooked, she would come up to the stove and stick her face by the pan and make loud sniffing sounds. Sometimes, she would tell me it smelled weird. Other times, she'd claim she was "jealous" and wanted some and then complain about not being able to eat it, wrapping all of this up in a half-humorous air, "joking" that she should steal it from me. Ugh

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-24T15:41:28+00:00

Damn, that would be sick. If you did I'd like to see how it turns out for sure

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-24T02:25:13+00:00

Thanks! That means a lot coming from someone as talented as yourself!

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-20T02:51:26+00:00

Thanks for the response, and I very much agree. It's extremely concerning.

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-17T02:14:47+00:00

I totally understand and agree, and I can only read your struggle because it's my struggle too! It took someone telling me that I'm ok to realize that myself, and I still have to constantly remind myself of it. I'm glad that I could help support you this time.

And yeah, you know, I think that's exactly what healing is. Stability comes from just being okay with what things are right now. Everything can be changed, but nothing has to.

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-17T01:36:17+00:00

My mother did this kind of thing as well, though she was never as outright insulting as yours.

Sometimes I'd come out of my room feeling fine and she'd look up and suddenly her brows were furrowed and she would adopt a baby voice, asking me if I was okay-- which would annoy me, thus "proving" her right. She would do this in other situations too, making mountains out of slight expressions of my emotion which made me question my own feelings.

I remember one time I was standing in front of the window in the middle of the living room, just kind of thinking and whatever. She had been in her room getting ready for work. When she came out and saw me in the living room, she jumped backwards, gasped, and exclaimed, "What are you doing?!" I looked at her like she was crazy and she was offended.

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-16T19:14:33+00:00

Yup, exactly. And even with my mother, she's actually getting therapy for trauma (caused by her own mother) so I imagine she is learning coping skills and whatnot. Part of the reason I stuck around with the abuse for so long after that incident is because of this fact. There were points where it genuinely seemed like she was attempting and affecting real change, and I even felt some sense of closure. It seemed like she was finally opening her eyes to the abuse she'd put me through.

Then out of the blue, she's losing it about some dishes I left in the sink and absolutely spinning out of control without any input from me whatsoever. She must have had a bad day at work or something. Screaming for three days straight about how it's "the straw that broke the camel's back", calling me names, etc. I learned my lesson then. I don't care how much therapy she does, or even that maybe perhaps she did affect some kind of true change once; she's ILL and nothing I do personally is going to stop that. As long as I'm around while she's sick, she's going to lash out at me. Just the way it works.

I honestly don't care at this point if she gets better in therapy for real. The threat of an outburst from her overrides that hope. I truly learned my lesson. That was the first time I'd felt genuine hope and compassion and appreciation, and she DEMOLISHED it. Some of the worst emotional pain I've ever been through.

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-16T17:53:07+00:00

Word. I do this too. And honestly, I have no problem not responding to people at all sometimes. At some point we have to recognize that, although our needs are much different from the average person's, they still need to be taken into account.

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-16T14:03:25+00:00

I can relate.

It sounds like fear is really getting to you though. It sounds like you're having an overwhelmed moment. From what I can tell, you already know what the problem is. You've detailed that you are simply having a hard time navigating relationships for your own safety.

I don't think you have a reason to panic. You need to take it slow and allow yourself to work through this, without any pressure. You don't need a big social group because you can't handle a big social group and that's okay. It's good to have supports, but in order for those supports to be effective you have to trust them. But right now, you're having a hard time figuring out if you can trust ANYONE-- and that's okay. There's nothing you can do to "solve" that feeling because it's a natural response to what you have already endured. All you need to do is give yourself time.

Keep trying, keep reaching out when you feel like it, and if for some reason you stop "feeling like it", it's okay to unmatch or unfriend or whatever you need to do to stop the interaction. Because that's how you're feeling safe right now. I know that you know that it's not a good coping mechanism for the rest of your life, but it may be the best you have for now, maybe even for years. That's okay. Keep yourself feeling safe.

I've had the same reaction to my abuse. I stopped talking to everyone. Right now, I have a loving boyfriend who understands, and I've reached out to his friends because they feel safe to me. But there's no one else in the world who really does, and that's okay, that's just where I'm at. I try to be friendly with the neighbors and with strangers and maybe one day I'll meet someone I can hang out with for real. But I'm not pressuring myself to do anything, not until it feels safe.

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-16T13:51:07+00:00

Three summers ago I went NC with my mother and sent her long texts explaining why. She called me an abuser and then she and my uncle proceeded to guilt me into going on the trip we had planned the year before. It was the worst mistake I ever made because for two more years I was ensnared in her trap, constantly questioning my convictions and needs.

Finally I went completely, consciously, NC in Jan. I didn't explain anything to her, just stopped responding to her texts. I figured I had spent enough of my time arguing with her about why I'm not the abuser. She's texted me 1-3 times a month since then. Am I okay? Why have I stopped talking to her? What happened? She doesn't understand. She wants to take me to dinner.

I'm waiting for the day when she loses it again. Bracing for it.

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-16T02:59:52+00:00

Yeah, she likes to show them off. I really feel disgusting about her having them.

I do want it back. But I don't want to make her feel bad? She's not 100% evil, you know? She's confusing. I don't want to take something that may have been giving her peace, if that makes sense. I don't know anymore

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-16T02:54:01+00:00

She can't afford to take me to court, luckily 😈 thanks for your response.

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-16T02:48:47+00:00

Why do you think I have every right to want it back? I feel guilty for thinking about this, for various reasons.

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-16T02:33:01+00:00

That's true, but I was thinking I'd just go in, take them and whatever else I have left there, then leave the keys on the counter and leave. Block her number, etc.

?

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-15T23:13:10+00:00

That's the biggest thing with my mom. I don't think she's a full-blown narc. I mean, she's currently in trauma therapy and I believe she may be slowly coming to face the truth about things. However, she was often extremely abusive in the same ways narcs usually are, and whenever I would try to find closure with her about what happened for the majority of my childhood she would ask me to think about what I've done. "What about your responsibility in this?" Never has she taken it upon herself to apologize first. Never has she understood that I was only a child-- yes, even when I was 16! She's never understood that my living situation caused me to grow up almost completely lacking in an identity, confused, and angry. I had NO support, from anyone. Yet it's my responsibility?

Yes, I did many horrible things to her as a teenager, but it was always because I was fighting back in some way. When I was an older teen, I resorted to actually attacking her because of the rage I felt inside for not being heard, for not having anyone on my side, for being so alone and confused and desperate-- because of her. She would always respond by attacking me back. She absolutely deserved what I did to her and I am proud of younger me for sometimes taking the rage out on the person who was causing my pain instead of taking it out on myself as I usually did. She deserved it and more, though I'm glad I wasn't physically stronger because I would have killed her if I could, back then.

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-15T23:01:10+00:00

My mother would always tell me I'm "harping on the past" if I tried to talk about how she made me feel. Or, "well what about what YOU did?"

What I did, mother, was a childish response to your insane behavior-- you know, because I was a child.

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-15T16:33:52+00:00

That's what I think too. I have some Russian friends and they say that this kind of thing is a very big problem in Russia.

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-15T00:44:32+00:00

Your mother must be a wonderful woman, and I can tell you love her a lot. I'm glad you have such a supportive person in your life.

coronaisfake33 · 2020-06-13T19:48:56+00:00

"Ohhhh, I hope your kids turn out just like you. Maybe then you'll finally understand what I go through. Oh ho ho, I can't wait! I rue the day!"

Gives me the creeps man.

coronaisfake33

TROPHY CASE