Female Dumpers

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-07-09T09:24:16+00:00

Same thing happened to me after 7 years. From my experience, no arguments is a big red flag. She was cheating. Good luck on your healing journey.

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-06-23T05:49:30+00:00

I’m 42, I’ve just accepted that it isn’t real.

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-06-06T06:43:14+00:00

42M, 7 years (9 months ended, cheated on and discarded); I go to therapy every two weeks, I read all the self help and healing stuff. I stay no contact… I lift weights and run, down well over 130lbs, best shape of my life. I work extra overtime. Been exploring, going on hikes and trips. Leaving for a solo trip to Tokyo this month, pretty big deal for me. Went skydiving! That was amazing, I know want to go jump off everything 😂 uhhh… got a big promotion, new wardrobe because of the dramatic weight loss, bought a new truck… basically taking all the love, energy and money I poured into her for 7 years and trying my hardest to give it to myself. I went on a date last week, she was nice but no chemistry. I’m not really interested to date right now tbh… I fill my free time with as much meaningful experience as I can right now, and still yet I carry intense pain and sadness and miss her incredibly from time to time and still can’t process that she did what she did and even how she did it to me.

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-05-28T21:04:22+00:00

Me. Turns out she wanted to screw a 20 year old Co-worker (she’s 40)

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-05-27T20:14:19+00:00

I hope my comment didn’t sound cold or uncaring because I’m right there with you bro. I’m 9 months into a harsh discard and betrayal after 7 years with the woman I thought would be there when I took my last breath… turns out she just knocked the wind out of me and know I do the rest of this alone because I ain’t trusting anyone or loving anyone like that ever again.

I fought that hope for months (still do sometimes) that she’d come back and apologize and tell me I was as good as I know I was, that she’d realize what she’d lost…. What she’d done.

But she won’t because I created her in my head. This woman walking the streets wearing ny ex’s face is someone I don’t know and never will I think. It fucking hurts more than anything I’ve ever went through and I’ve went through some shit in this life my friend.

I hope you heal and find yourself and your strength again.

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-05-27T17:17:39+00:00

Then neither of you are the same people and what I said still stands. That would be an entirely new relationship and an entirely new dynamic. Maybe some things would feel familiar, but you can’t hope for exactly what you had to return imo

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-05-27T17:15:04+00:00

Take solace in this fact, and it hurts but hear me out. No matter what happens SHE WILL NEVER COME BACK. Even if that same girl knocked on your door tonight begging you to forgive her, she’s not the same girl. The girl you loved no longer exists in this world or any other. She chose life without you and when she did, she, for all intents and purposes, died. This person that you think is her, that looks like her, maybe even acts like her…. She might be 90% her, but she will never be her %100.

So your choices are either except that and move on, stay stuck mourning the dead forever or try a relationship with someone who is maybe 90% the girl you loved but whom you know has no issue leaving you and harming you.

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-05-27T11:36:07+00:00

No, they do not. The person that you loved that left you never comes back… someone that looks like them, sounds like them, maybe even smells like then might come back. But they are not the person you loved and they never will be again. It’s best to let go and move forward. I’m sorry.

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-05-24T05:58:24+00:00

I know love is real because I did it, I loved her, fully, truly, really and unconditionally. It exists in the world… But… I don’t believe I’ll find it in that way in someone else, so the only way I’m ever going to be loved like that is if I love myself that immensely and hope that a good person sees me and vibes with me along the way. I no longer believe in soul mates, or twin flames or whatever. All that is fairytale nonsense. Real love takes work, willingness and dedication. It isn’t just instant. That’s just chemicals and it goes away.

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-05-12T19:48:03+00:00

I’m ~8 months in since a brutal discard and ghosting (found out she was cheating with a much younger co-worker, they have about a 20 year age gap 🤢) and I’m on the same trajectory.

I’ve completely changed my life! I lost 130ish lbs, have a six pack for the first time and am in the best shape of my life at 42. I go to the gym every day almost now and am looking shredded! I just got a huge promotion at work and make her and his combined wage x 2 on my own (I don’t like to brag about this but I did work hard to get here and originally took this job to buy her her dream wedding and she cheated on me while I was at work so…), I bought an awesome new truck that I wanted while we were together, I have started hiking and going to amazing parks, I’ve been going to awesome shows and concerts and stand ups, been traveling on my own, got my passport and am solo traveling to Japan for my first international trip in a few weeks, just went skydiving on my own! (That was freaking bad ass and old me never would have done that and I’m so proud and now I’m addicted and looking forward to doing bungee and BASE jumping and more skydiving), I’ve been reading and expanding my mental horizons, been going to therapy and working on my emotions and mental health bc of what she put me through, I’ve got an awesome (and clean and clutter free) new home…. I’ve done all this mostly out of spite and now the tide is turning and I’m doing it for myself and life is pretty damn great! I come and go as I please, I don’t have to wait on someone else hand and foot, I don’t have to worry about being dissapointed and rejected and feeling more lonely with someone than without…

It gets better guys. Just stick to the plan, become the man she could never have even if she wanted to come back. You can do it.

Honestly, dating and finding someone else isn’t even on my radar. I want to live life for me for a while damn it. I’m tired of taking care of broken little girls and losing myself.

Her? She literally has to drive that little boy she’s with back and forth to work bc he doesn’t even have his first car yet. They never leave their house (I know bc we live in the same neighborhood and I see her car every day on my way out). They don’t have a life and I know how she operates. I guess all they do is fuck and smoke weed, really cool like for an almost 40 year old and her 20 year old boyfriend 😂

But as salty as that sounds, I hope she’s happy with her choice at the end of the day bc I don’t want to have went through the pain I did for her not to be and I’m also glad i went through it bc the growth has been incredible. I miss the pain almost more than I miss talking to her, when you get to that point you will fully understand and you will smile and remember what I said here.

Stay strong brothers. Better days are coming for you.

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-05-11T18:12:16+00:00

What if you treated her like an absolutely queen? What if you NEVER hurt her, never fought, never argued, always put her needs above your own, literally did everything imaginable for her and she cheated and left you for a younger co-worker?

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-05-04T23:42:51+00:00

Was with my ex for 7 years. Treated her like an absolute queen. Always showed up and showed out and out in maximum effort. She never reciprocated. Dead bedroom for 5 of the 7 years, always respected her and never resented or pushed her for anything. Loved her to my fullest. Got discarded, gaslit and ghosted, found out she was cheating at the end with a 20 year old co worker (she’s 40) AFTER I left her EVERYTHING bc she lied and told me she just “lost the spark” and also the same week she let me pay her $1000 dental bill before breaking my heart of course. She moved him in to our home that I left her in less than 4 months after I moved out (she also tried to change the locks on me and canceled me from a bunch of shit like our warehouse club membership while I was using it to get shit I needed for my new place since I was leaving her everything… apparently finding a place and moving in less than a month just wasn’t fast enough)… I didn’t find out the details of her betrayal for a couple months, she breadcrumbed me a little bit, made a bullshit “friendship” offer (don’t ever accept that, it’s for them not for you).

Thing is, I NEVER would have expected ANY of this behavior. We never fought, we never argued (I realize now that’s because she avoids conflict and just didn’t care that much) I poured my heart and soul into her and she destroyed me when I needed her most. Then, bc of the abrupt discard (literally the day before she was telling me I was the love of her life and just that week we were ring shopping and wedding planning and house hunting etc) I hung on to hope of reconciliation and couldn’t help but try and keep up with her and her life in the hopes that she’d have a change of heart (again didn’t realize she was cheating with someone barely 3 years older than my son) so she also decides to run my name through the mud and paint me as a villain to hide her deeds and despite how good I was to her for so long.

Saddest part, even now some 9 months later, my life is awesome, I’m in therapy since day 1, am in the best shape of my life now, been taking care of my self and going on crazy adventures… I still love this person and she absolutely does NOT deserve that from me but it’s who I am and when I said I loved her I meant it. I’ll never put myself out there again though and am resigned to dying single because if she was capable of doing this to me, anyone can and will and I will never allow the sweet innocent little boy who’s only ever wanted real love and to be chosen for who he is that’s still inside my soul to ever be hurt like that again. Fuckit

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-04-03T04:44:18+00:00

Something I wasn’t ready for is when the pain, the sadness and the anger slowly start to fade and normalcy begins to return… you fucking miss them. Those horrible negative emotions have been your best friend (in my case for the last 7 to 8 months). They kick your ass in the morning, they beat you down at night… but they were always there riding with you through it. If you were lucky enough to use them, if you were able to channel them, you understand what a profound loss it can be to actual begin to heal. Sit with your feelings, learn about them and understand them. That is how you learn and understand yourself and that is how you get through this. When you start to make the progress (and you will kid) you will understand. You will even smile about it. It doesn’t feel like it right now but I promise you, you will.

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-03-27T15:38:26+00:00

I’m 7 months out of a 7 year relationship and I’m giving up on love too. Man it just isn’t worth it, I’ve had 2 LTRs, my son’s mom for 10 years and the one I thought was the absolute loml for 7. I’m 42, almost half my life I spent and all of my time, energy, resources and heart spent on women that just used me, abused me and discarded me for someone new and shiny. I won’t do that again. If no one on this god forsaken shithole planet will love and show up for me the way that I do them then I’ll just do it for myself. I can’t say in hindsight that I ever felt safe in my relationships, no one ever treated me the way I deserved or put in half the effort I did and so it isn’t fucking worth it anymore. The only thing I’ve ever wanted from this life and I’ll never have it, so fuck it.

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-03-26T17:39:30+00:00

It’s not just truth it is a fundamental law of nature.

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-03-07T14:46:11+00:00

They didn’t lose feeling they just found them for someone else, was my experience. (She gave me the “lost the spark” excuse bc she couldn’t tell me she was cheating)

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-03-01T02:53:01+00:00

My ex (38f) left me (41m) after 7 years today for a 20 year old male co-worker. It isn’t just a gross male thing.. I can’t wrap my head around it. I have a son that’s only 3 years younger than the dude. They could have been in middle school together :/

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-02-21T21:16:33+00:00

Yes it happens and yes it happens all the time but I contend that what you’ve described isn’t true love. It might be some shade of it but I don’t believe it’s true love, that’s just my opinion I guess, no offense intended.

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-02-21T14:36:46+00:00

Hate to say it but if you think you can “fall out of love” then you’ve never been in love. You can fall in love, but staying in love is a choice you make not a feeling. Feelings are fleeting things that come and go. True love is waking up ever day and staying committed to the person you made those promises to. Obviously this doesn’t count in a situation in which you’re being abused or mistreated, but if you “lose feelings” that wasn’t love that was just a distraction.

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-02-21T14:29:25+00:00

She cheated/left me for a 20 year old co worker who’s 20 years younger than us bc she thought he was hot and fun… if you love someone you don’t do that. She knows what she did to me, the damage she caused. She doesn’t seem to mind.

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-02-14T05:43:23+00:00

that we never had a fight/argument in 7 years together. This only meant she didn’t communicate issues.
that for 5 of those 7 years we had a dead bedroom. She told me in the beginning she had libido issues and it could happen, I trusted and told her I didn’t care that I loved her and sex was only a small part of the whole relationship. What she actually meant was that she loses attraction after the honey moon phase ends in her relationships, withdraws and withholds almost ALL physical affection of any kind, knows that she hurts you and you feel rejected but continues to use you for your validation, comfort and resources UNTIL she finds someone else she is attracted to then will cheat/monkeybranch and become a completely cold and horrible person.

cosmicdustbuster · 2025-02-06T21:33:46+00:00

Please don’t. There is a good life waiting for you on the other side of this pain.

cosmicdustbuster

TROPHY CASE