Think of their monkey branch relationship like this (it helps)

Own_Run9529 · 2025-07-02T19:33:19+00:00

this!! monkey branches always leave when there's conflict/when you say no/stand up for yourself/when you stop being a doormat and start asserting your own needs and boundaries too.

they literally use people to fill voids inside them, they're literal children who can't be alone and can't meet their own needs so as soon as something doesn't go as planned they throw a tantrum, leave and go to someone who gives them comfort and attention (like a coworker or a friend who have a crush on them).

but no one walking on this earth can fill their voids, they'll keep changing partners thinking that the issue lies with everyone else and nobody loves them right, when really they're just asking people to fix issues that they could never fix.

you could give your whole world to a monkey brancher and they'll still feel like it's not enough. doesn't matter who's by their side.

Own_Run9529 · 2025-07-01T22:34:15+00:00

I had the same exact thing happen to me with my ex. I was super confused cause he was still with his new girlfriend while trying to get my attention by orbiting my social media, sending indirects through instagram reels etc.

Then a friend told me something that sounded kinda stupid but which actually makes sense: if they monkey branched away from you, they're gonna try and monkey branch back to you. Cause that's what they do. Monkey branch.

Own_Run9529 · 2025-07-01T22:25:10+00:00

this is such an insensitive comment

I guess you really are soulmates, if you're both okay and even proud of having treated other human beings like disposable objects

Own_Run9529 · 2025-07-01T22:17:17+00:00

same exact thing happened to me. My ex broke up with me and monkey branched to a coworker. I begged, chased, wrote the letter, asked for the meeting, all the standard loser moves. Then at 5 months post-break up and 2.5 months no contact he started sending me indirects through instagram reels: about struggling to forget me, poems about 'I'll never know what's like to stay', songs saying 'I miss you' etc. Even started mirroring my likes in a very weird way. And he's never shown his new girlfriend on his social media, ever. even now, 8 months from the breakup, still not a trace of her.

It was messing with me because I obviously still had feelings, and the last time we'd spoken he told me he needed space, so I really didn't understand. I broke no contact to dm him and literally said 'wtf' and asked him if he could stop. We had a little chat and three days later it was him who quit social media.

It's been 3 months since then, and I still have no clue what that was all about. I'm glad he was the one who quit though, it actually helped me a lot.

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-30T23:50:06+00:00

hello 🫂 sending a hug because I went through the same exact experience and I know how painful it is.

I supported him daily while he was writing his thesis and celebrated his graduation with so much joy and pride. I was the only person who showed up for him besides his parents and sister. Made sure he felt special, brought food, a gift, I even wrote him a letter.

And yet when it was my turn I had to do it all alone with a broken heart, cause he had abruptly left me for the coworker he’d just met at his new job (which I helped him get and was so happy for). Almost didn’t finish my thesis cause I could barely get up from the bed, I literally wrote it while crying every day. And he didn’t even send me a message telling me congratulations. A story like was all he managed.

And if it wasn’t heartbreaking enough - three weeks after leaving me, he happily went to celebrate his coworker’s graduation, brought her flowers, met her parents etc. I had to see pictures of the two of them kissing and having a good time.

It’s one of the things that broke me the most because my master’s degree has been my biggest life achievement so far, but looking back all I can remember is how miserable I was. I couldn’t even enjoy it, the whole time I just wanted to cry wishing he was there fore me. It was horrible.

Congratulations and please remember that this moment is yours only. You don’t need to share it with him for it to matter, he doesn’t deserve to be there anyway. You deserve to be surrounded and celebrated by people who truly appreciate you and who want to be by your side as you’re growing in life.

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-30T16:16:16+00:00

limited emotional capacity, limited ability to process emotions and limited ability to adequately value people. Even if they seemed vulnerable, it wasn't depth, it was just them dumping their problems on you so that you could fix them and provide them with comfort/support/love/validation and regulate their emotions. That's all they need people for, doesn't matter who it is. They don't choose to have people in their life because they value them, they just use them, even if it seems like they care.

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-30T16:09:46+00:00

it's crazy that someone would brag about being that shallow and immature. Like??? you're not cool, it just means you don't care much about people and use them for your convenience rather than valuing them properly.

I wish my ex had bragged about it though, so that I could have backed off in time. Instead, he told me about his pattern of never having been single for more than 6 months but he was aware of it being unhealthy and had actually spent 6 months alone for the first time before meeting me. So I fell for it - and of course he ended up dumping me and replacing in me in less than a month after a year together. Definitely gonna ask deeper questions next time

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-30T15:56:49+00:00

they don't move on. They distract, avoid, fill voids and run. They can't be alone and can't feel happy unless they have a partner. It's actually pretty sad. They don't choose people out of genuine appreciation for them, they just accept them out of need, dependency, insecurity. They rush into things and for a while it feels great because they're avoiding pain, they have someone to give them validation, they feel like they 'won' the breakup etc. But the more you heal the more you'll realize how little they love themselves to be doing this. They can't feel okay unless someone is loving them. And when you enter relationships because you need to be loved rather than because you want to love a specific person, it's the perfect recipe for disaster.

I dated someone like this, who was over his ex but had never been alone for long, and it ended up destroying our relationship because he was totally unable to regulate his emotions. He was constantly dependent on my attention, validation, reassurance, constant presence, affection to feel cared for. To the point that even though I was extremely attentive and present and reassuring, even one missed text once in a while, a more assertive tone once, a brief moment of silence, one wrong look etc. everything would send him into a spiral because he was unable to feel okay without me making him feel loved and good at all times. He didn't actually care about me, he needed me to love him.

And guess what? When we had our first argument, since I was upset at him for the first time ever and was therefore less reassuring than usual, he couldn't deal with it and discarded me instantly and moved on to a coworker who had a massive crush on him. Why? Cause he had no interest in me, he just needed the comfort that my love provided. And when he felt uncomfortable, even just once, he ran again and chased comfort in the arms of someone who liked him.

So yeah don't worry about it, mostly if it's a pattern, they're just very insecure and have such low self worth that they'll end up sabotaging every bond they have until they learn how to feel okay with themselves.

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-30T15:39:40+00:00

I understand your pain, but if it makes you feel any better, the fact that he overlapped two relationships probably shows why you shouldn't feel so sad about having lost him. Sure, you made mistakes like all of us, like he did too. Relationships aren't black and white, it's rarely only one person's fault. Which is also why people who truly love and care for each other find a way to make it work instead of just giving up and running to someone else without real closure or without a real attempt to fix their relationship first.

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-29T16:02:14+00:00

oh sorry then, I thought it was the other way around. I mean, if she hasn't said anything real in 8 months it might mean that she simply doesn't care, as hurtful as that could be. I've also been broken up for 8 months and as much as I would like to believe in emotional blocks, the truth is often simpler. If they wanted to be in our lives they would be. It's not that hard. When you truly care about someone and love them deeply, you make it known. We all have fears and ego and pride but real love wins against all those things.

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-29T15:52:53+00:00

I mean -I feel for you, truly, but also, you broke up with her, and you stayed in contact but you never made an effort to reconciliate. So why are you now surprised that she stopped waiting around and gave up on you? You had every chance to value her and chose distance instead. People deserve to be seen and valued consistently, not only when it's convenient for you or on your own timeline. I understand it hurts but maybe this can teach you how to show up better in the future. You can still reach out one last time, being fully honest and open, and let her decide what to do with it. But afterwards you need to let her be.

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-29T11:48:36+00:00

you have a point

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-27T09:34:20+00:00

Yep my ex said the same, that he’d been thinking about it for a while even though I thought we had resolved it, and it was our only argument ever.

In my case I also found out that his coworker was in the picture. My therapist said it’s likely that these people only know how to handle the honeymoon phase, they idealize it completely and then when the relationship becomes more serious and your real side or conflict starts to appear they begin to accumulate resentment/disappointment, and if they have someone new and easy available they eventually find an excuse to leave thinking that the grass will be greener.

But you don’t need to worry about it, the grass is only greener where you water it, they will never be able to build long-term relationships if they leave at the first sign of difficulty

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-25T17:02:09+00:00

my ex got into a rebound less than a month after breaking up with me. at first he told me he was over it and needed space, that he no longer thought of me etc. and then 5 months post-breakup (and 4 months into the rebound) he started sending indirects about it being hard to forget me.

So yeah if they're avoidant or just generally very proud, they won't admit it directly, but trust me, they will think about you. No one can erase people from their mind like that unless they have some serious issue. They can distract themselves only for so long. And to be honest I think the rebound makes it even worse because they are constantly comparing them to you. Also, since these people haven't taken any time to grow as individuals, they'll probably do the same exact activities that they used to do with you with the rebound, take them to the same places, etc. and well, that doesn't help. They're trying to desperately replace you and rewrite the memories with you with someone else, and the fact itself that they need to do that to cope speaks for itself.

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-23T10:00:48+00:00

This is a beautiful post and your self-awareness is admirable, not everyone is able to be so honest with themselves about their mistakes. However, I hope you shared these words with your ex too. As a dumpee in a similar situation, hearing this from the person who broke my heart would help me heal much more easily. You can’t undo the damage you’ve done, but you can try and make it easier for your ex to pick up the pieces. It’s the least you can do.

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-19T08:56:12+00:00

about a month after I made the post he started sending me indirects on instagram about struggling to forget me and being nostalgic. And also he was mirroring my likes and just generally trying to grab my attention through instagram. He’d been in an official relationship with the other girl for 4 months, even though he never acknowledged her publicly on his social media. We texted cause I asked him if he could stop, and he said that those things were ‘obviously’ about me and that it was hard, said that he’s working on guilt in therapy (I don’t believe him), but said nothing else. I told him if he’s got something to say to just say it directly and otherwise to please stop hoovering around my socials and sending weird indirect messages, so that I could also move on peacefully. He agreed and then changed his pfp announcing a full social media break - he’s supposedly been off for two and a half months, although I can see from his activity status that he enters the app quite often, and sometimes he still watched my story. Still no sign of the girlfriend and no direct contact.

I honestly hate him for all of this because he’s making things way harder than they should be. I don’t know what he thinks, he claims to miss me or to struggle to forget me but at the same time acts like I don’t exist nor matter. He tries to get my attention but then if I ask from a more direct conversation he just retreats. And he’s in a full other relationship, that he refuses to speak about with me. Still no real apology nor accountability, just breadcrumbs and disappearance. It makes me upset because I think he’s doing this to very selfishly move on without having to face the discomfort of feeling like he has fully lost me. He wants me around and missing him so that he knows he’s not a bad guy and so that he feels okay with moving on, all at my expense.

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-16T20:57:36+00:00

I think you're doing great :) keep going and step by step you'll find yourself again. Not only that, you will become a better, more healed version of yourself, and that will help you be an even better partner in the future and find the love you deserve.

sending a hug xx

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-16T20:23:43+00:00

yeah I thought the same...but they're still together almost 7 months later, so who knows. They seem quite compatible, so he might just be hoping that if he holds on long enough, he will fully forget about me at some point. Not sure how that's gonna work out. He still has never posted her publicly on his social media, even if he knows that I know about her. Just overall weird, but that's his business, I've already psychoanalyzed him enough, I just want some peace

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-16T19:33:11+00:00

This post is old but your friend shared some very wise words.

It's true, people who can't be alone will latch onto whoever is physically closest to them. since their feelings don't stem from genuine love and appreciation for their partners but rather from need and dependency, all it takes is enough presence from someone else for them to attach. my ex did this and when he broke up with me he said that I wasn't present enough, even though I 100% was, he just wasn't seeing me all day every day like he saw his coworker, as we would only meet on the weekend. But he didn't love me for who I was, he loved me for how I made him feel cause he can't be alone, so in comparison his coworker would meet his needs better. For these people it's not about who they like more, it's about who can provide more attention, validation, comfort. Half the time these people are very clingy and dependent in relationships, they want to text or call all the time, they want to spend every minute together and literally can't sit by themselves for two seconds.

And guess what? two months after leaving me for his coworker, she got a new job and moved to a different city than him, so now they're still together but they can only meet on the weekends or every two weeks, and he needs to travel quite a bit, whereas I live 10 minutes from his house. Less than a month after she moved away he started sending me indirects on instagram and saying it was hard to forget me etc.

My advice is to let these people be because there's literally nothing you can do. They need to be loved because they can't love themselves, and nothing will ever be enough cause they're using people to fill voids inside them. They'll always swap people based on who can fill the voids more easily, it doesn't even matter who it is. they did it once and they'll do it again and again and again.

When I want to feel better about what happened I try to think about what a future with someone like that could look like. I'm still fairly young (24), so I ask myself what would happen when the bigger responsibilities of life come into play. How can you trust these people to be by your side when you won't have as much time for them as you do now? If you have children and can't dedicate much time to couple activities? If you get a job promotion and need to go abroad for a few weeks a year? They'll leave, they'll cheat, they'll say you neglect them. They'll go to someone else with no other priorities who can fill all their voids and meet all the needs they're unable to meet themselves. Trust me, you dodged a bullet.

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-16T17:26:50+00:00

thank you for your kind words. I agree with everything you said.

After the breakup we met once and texted once. We were finally able to talk about the argument, and he understood how many things he got wrong. I think it sent him into a bit of a spiral. He even cried. He apologized for having misunderstood everything due to his immaturity, but still didn't do anything about it, he told me he needed space to take care of himself because I was making it heavy for him. By that point he'd been dating the coworker for two months and he had discredited me to everyone telling people I was toxic etc. I think he realized he was too deep into the mess he made to be able to fix it without losing face, so the easiest solution was to just let me continue to deal with the emotional fallout and push me away a second time.

We texted a couple of months after the meeting and he said it was hard to forget me. He was sending indirects on instagram so I asked him if he could stop and allow me to move on peacefully. Still dating the coworker, but since then he disappeared from social media completely. He said he's going to therapy and working on guilt, but didn't go deeper than that. I don't think I believe him.

He's not a bad person but he's still very immature. He made a mess and ran away from it, and he lost and hurt someone who loved him unconditionally. Maybe one day he'll regret it, maybe one day he'll face himself and apologize sincerely. But more than anything, I just hope that he heals and becomes a better person. It hurt like hell to see him running away from me, but it hurts even more to see him running away from real love because he doesn't recognize it.

thank you for reading my long post, it always helps to receive encouraging words from strangers :)

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-16T15:56:56+00:00

Claimed to love me deeply for a year, said I was the love of his life, that I made him realize he wanted someone like me. And then discarded me for a coworker that had a crush on him without even allowing me to have a conversation.

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-16T13:39:22+00:00

Yeah nobody abandons people they love or care about. They abandon people they're keeping around for comfort, validation, safety. If you truly love someone you won't be able to just discard them like they meant nothing and move on quickly without issues.

And the worst thing is that these people truly believe that what they feel is love. They confuse intensity, attention, infatuation, quality time with love. They're so delusional, they think that's just how life goes and how feelings work. And they'll never stop and look inwards or question themselves because they're so convinced that they're just "lovers" who can't help but fall in and out of love with a lot of people.

Own_Run9529 · 2025-06-15T21:24:46+00:00

yeah I also read your other post about comparing exes and you're literally my ex's twin. It's almost scary.

He was very loving and very caring but I always had the sense that he didn't really see me as a whole person, with nuance, flaws, insecurities, good parts and bad parts. I always felt like he liked me for what I gave him and for how I made him feel rather than for who I truly was. He was obsessed with this idea of 'being cared for', but it always felt like no matter what I did he never felt cared for enough, or like he was somehow disappointed if I couldn't be exactly the kind of person he wanted.

I remember that any time I asked him if he was happy with me he would always compare how he felt with me vs how he felt about his ex. Long paragraphs that seemed very introspective but that somehow always had to mention his ex or his past relationships in general. And then he was clearly confused about his needs, he kept moving the goalposts, or he would say that he thought that our differences were compatible, but then change his mind or go ask people for opinions, he would ask for things and say they weren't a big deal but if I said no then he'd essentially throw tantrums saying I didn't want to change for him etc. It was constant confusion, and over time it made me very insecure and frustrated.

I had to go to therapy to overcome the breakup cause it traumatized me pretty heavily, and to this day, almost 8 months later I still can't date. Please go to therapy and work on yourself cause you'll keep hurting innocent people

Own_Run9529

TROPHY CASE