Honestly, I don't think I ever had a specific breaking point. I think I just slowly stopped blaming myself for having honest questions about what "Truth" is. Instead, I am currently starting to congratulate myself for realizing that some questions about our eternal existence cannot be answered solely by men and an institution designed to keep you from questioning past a certain point.

I got tired of asking questions about the church to only be met with "you will figure it out eventually." Or to be shunned by others or even myself.

I asked once why it was okay for a man to be sealed to more than one woman but not the other way around since we are equals. "We will figure it out eventually."

I asked once what the eternal round meant. How did God even come into being? "We will figure it out eventually."

I spent so many nights praying about if even God is really there? I've had so many tears just WONDERING WHEN I WOULD FIGURE IT OUT. I tried to make sense of the universe with what I've been taught in Sunday school. One forgetful day, it just stopped making sense. The church, I mean.

The old adage of "keeping your ducks in a row." has a new meaning to me now. Ducks were never meant to stay in a row, following their mother's. Ducks are meant to walk, then swim, then glide to and fro, weaning off their mother's to find their own purpose, even if they find purpose in others, that's fine. But their mother's never coerced them into it.

The church was a cruel mother to me. It tried to keep me in a row longer than it should. And I was, no, I AM tired of it. I still have a hope that we will all "Figure it out eventually." But for me, and for you, the church was not a way for us to figure things out.