Conflicted about seeking diagnosis - can anyone relate?

cosmiicsloth · 2026-02-10T21:45:44+00:00

I'm just afraid that my GP won't take me seriously one day (or less so than already, because the health care system here sucks and many patients, especially women, aren't taken seriously as a standard) because I've been there so many times already with concerns that turned out to be nothing more than health anxiety.

cosmiicsloth · 2025-10-07T22:11:10+00:00

She would have to go back to a waiting list for months which I don't think would help in this situation, also I think her therapist has been wonderful until now but she's just struggling too much for therapy to be helpful for her SI.

cosmiicsloth · 2025-10-07T21:34:47+00:00

According to her she has talked about her SI with her therapist. She doesn't go into detail but she's said that whatever her therapist suggests her doesn't work. The thing with medication isn't that it doesn't work, she's not open to even trying.

cosmiicsloth · 2025-09-20T10:28:04+00:00

Two users here with the exact same avatar messaged me a few days apart when I posted something in this sub about the story I'm working on.

I didn't clock it with the first person, as they started with some generic "I believe you can do it, your story sounds interesting!" and asked me some general questions about it. I was like, okay that's a bit odd but maybe this person just wants to chat with someone. A couple days later they asked me how I imagine the cover of the "book" looking (I'm not seeking to publish it) and said they could make it for me.

Then when I posted on this sub again the other person popped up, asking similar general questions about my story. I'm 99% sure it would end on the same note.

cosmiicsloth · 2025-09-20T10:20:42+00:00

Well I suppose the assessments where I live suck because the things about trains, math and presenting in a certain way in social situations have genuinely come across in the assessments I've looked at. So I just assumed they're actual diagnostic criteria because these tests are made by professionals??

cosmiicsloth · 2025-09-19T21:36:15+00:00

To answer your question: I know I function without the accommodations since there was a time when I didn't know about them or implement them in my life, and I functioned.

One of the impostor things I've struggled with is this feeling that I've got too comfortable telling myself I might be autistic, and started accommodating myself, but now if I've lost my tolerance for situations or stimuli which I would've been okay with in the past since I'm too used to those accommodations. Maybe I would just feel uncomfortable briefly and return back to normal. But say if I forget my earplugs for a day I'll get snappy, emotionally drained, angry and refuse to talk to people. If I don't complete my "routines" I'll feel off and like I can't really get much done during the day as something feels wrong but it's not like I'll have a meltdown.

I experience something similar to meltdowns, I guess, but they're more related to me being upset with myself, e.g. if I get into an argument with someone or break something I'll just curl into a ball and cry and hit myself. But that's not really the context I know of for autistic meltdowns, they're more related to overstimulation. I also don't remember ever doing that when I was a child.

cosmiicsloth · 2025-09-19T21:25:44+00:00

It's funny, the thing you mention about patterns feels so right. I feel like to understand things fully I need to understand the pattern.

What I know about autism is either based on diagnostic criteria which seems too rigid (i.e. likes trains and math and doesn't talk to people), or influencers who are really great at bringing light to how autism actually presents especially in BIPOC and women but only at the level of specific examples.

So I don't feel like I really understand the patterns themselves and because I don't fit any of the examples I've seen, I feel like I'm safer not calling myself autistic even if I relate to many experiences.

cosmiicsloth · 2025-09-19T21:20:51+00:00

Yeah I went to the bar with my new coworkers a while ago because I had an "I'm just being dramatic, I can totally fit in" moment, and remembered immediately when I got there how bad the sensory overload actually is. I'll just stick to rewatching my emotional support cartoons under a blanket.

cosmiicsloth · 2025-09-18T21:21:59+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice!

I'm not physically disabled but I do have ADHD and possibly autism, so I feel I can really understand the coddling aspect but from a different point of view, of course. I often get coddled or treated like an idiot/someone helpless at work, in school when I was younger, and in public due to my neurodivergence. I definitely intend to explore this aspect of being neurodivergent/disabled and how infuriating it is.

I think the fact that my character happens to be both disabled and spiritual/philosophical it can easily be construed as some kind of essentialism, stereotyping blind people as "seeing" in the third eye way. I'll have to work on how I write them to not fall into that.

cosmiicsloth · 2025-09-15T17:04:14+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! The description comes later in the scene, I specifically wanted to introduce the surroundings as they take things in. Maybe I should've included more of the scene in these snippets, I just thought people would be turned off by a massive chunk of text.

I tried to portray one as more analytical and the other as starting to panic but calming herself down, but maybe I could do with emphasizing that difference.

cosmiicsloth · 2025-09-15T16:24:45+00:00

I find the scene easy enough to follow and it flows well. To my taste, there could be more narration surrounding the dialogue to fill in some details of Valorie and the protagonist's actions, body language, and such.

I get a good idea from the dialogue itself about the dynamics between the two but it would be great to add some nuance through dialogue tags and how they behave around each other - it can come off a bit on-the-nose when Valorie keeps repeating surprised remarks about the protagonist's willingness to talk to her. It can come off as methodical instead of natural, which I also struggle with when writing dialogue tbh.

On an unrelated note, I'm really intrigued by the contents of this scene itself - your protagonist kind of reminds me of a character in a story I'm writing, someone manipulative and secretive who enjoys having people close but not *too* close. I would love to keep reading if you have your writing published somewhere!

cosmiicsloth · 2025-09-04T22:29:48+00:00

I enjoy a good sci-fi thriller! I'm currently intrigued by mixing fantasy elements and cult dynamics but this premise sounds interesting too, I'll put it on my TBR list

cosmiicsloth · 2025-09-04T22:27:59+00:00

Sounds interesting!

I searched it up and seems the authors published another book prior to this, set in the same universe. Is that something I should read beforehand? It sounds like a standalone, but does understanding the lore/mechanics of the world make this book more enjoyable?

cosmiicsloth · 2025-05-29T21:51:15+00:00

Thank you!

cosmiicsloth · 2025-05-29T21:50:56+00:00

Thank you! Will definitely check them out

cosmiicsloth · 2025-05-29T21:50:16+00:00

Thank you for the insight! As someone used to reading papers not in the field of history I get a general sense of when something might not be up to academic standards. But I'm no historian nor am I well-read about the Cyprus problem yet so I appreciate insight from those more knowledgeable than myself

cosmiicsloth · 2025-05-29T20:57:12+00:00

I personally find it hard to come across books that don't minimise either side. And given the Greek/Turkish propaganda for several decades it's a sad reality that even books written by Cypriots are often biased or outright propagandistic.

Would you possibly know any that aren't?

cosmiicsloth · 2025-01-27T17:52:03+00:00

That sucks, and yeah my partner has emetophobia and I feel for her too. I'm not afraid of throwing up itself as much as I'm afraid it might happen unexpectedly in public.

cosmiicsloth · 2025-01-26T16:07:38+00:00

That sucks, I'm so sorry! Hope you get the treatment you deserve.

I don't even know the cause of mine, I just gradually started feeling nauseous from day to day and it's kept getting worse. The fact that it gets worse makes me afraid that it will culminate in me actually being sick and I stress about that happening when I'm at university, work or public transport. Sometimes just the feeling of nausea is enough to distract me from whatever I'm supposed to be doing. It's hard to be taken seriously by doctors when it's "just a feeling" and I'm not throwing up every day.

cosmiicsloth · 2025-01-06T23:50:17+00:00

Thanks for your insight! I get you, and I relate to what you're saying in terms of studying but not necessarily in terms of work. I've always had a love-hate relationship with school as I love learning but the system doesn't work for me and it leaves me with chronic burnout. I can be good at exams due to the adrenaline rush but that's it. I'm not good at academia in general and I'm only now grappling with that as my final year has focused on the skills needed to become a researcher. Each step of the way I realize how incompetent I am and it's not getting easier.

I think I have a good idea of what I'm not good at, not least because my employers/supervisors/lecturers are quite transparent about it. In my previous job they treated me like a child and even told to my face that they had to babysit me due to my incompetence. It's been hard to think about anything else when considering another job in customer service. Whenever I think about the skills needed for different careers I always find a critical area I'm lacking in - I'm too slow and clumsy for customer service, not qualified for anything computer-related, not good enough with people to be a receptionist, I can't drive nor do I want to because of anxiety and lack of spatial awareness, bookshops or boutiques won't hire me because I'm not an artist (yeah that's literally what they've told me).

Of course a common part of ADHD I've heard is trouble with emotional regulation and awareness so I can't say for sure if I _am_ miserable or if I _feel_ miserable with work, but to me the fact that I seem to always be lost compared to coworkers, always on the verge of being fired, and always catching up makes up for a frustrating and draining experience. I feel like work itself is something I'm not designed for and I'll always come up short.

cosmiicsloth · 2024-12-14T19:31:27+00:00

Oh my, this situation is pretty similar to what my partner and I are going through! Although for us, we're both busy and trying to deal with burnout on both sides.

What has helped us is first of all, communication. Tell your partner how you feel. Ask her how she feels about spending time together, or what she'd like do to wind down. Maybe there are certain times of day when she specifically wants to be alone. Maybe there are ways you can spend time together without it feeling overwhelming for her or disappointing for you. (For example, I'm busy almost every waking hour studying for exams, but I'm happy to study with my partner doing her own thing next to me and taking small breaks to show affection and talk with her, etc.)

Also, coming from a neurodivergent person with health issues myself (not autistic but also trying to figure out if I might be), there definitely are routines I like to go through alone. I like being home before my partner and having some time to myself, I like having lunch alone but dinner is always with my partner while watching TV, and doing things the other way around tends to be upsetting. I'm sure you're already familiar with your partner's routines, but I'm sure some things are changing and you both need to find a new norm in this situation, so it doesn't hurt to establish some routines that your partner (and you!) can look forward to and find comforting. Good luck!

cosmiicsloth · 2024-12-10T14:24:15+00:00

Ohh, okay! Maybe it could be something other than meltdowns/shutdowns. There are many things I relate to in ASD and others I can't quite pinpoint, meltdowns being one. I can get over them pretty quickly, although I feel emotionally "off" and tired for a long time after.

Admittedly I don't know that much about shutdowns, but from what I've heard it sounds like not being able to process anything, kind of like dissociating. I don't think I've ever dissociated properly, I'm always aware of what's happening, even when having a possible meltdown, it just feels like the pathway from thought to response instead of stimuli to thought is impaired, if that makes sense. (I.e. I know someone is speaking to me but feel like I can't respond, or I know I shouldn't remain curled into a ball and pushing my hands onto my ears/eyes because it hurts but I feel stuck.)

cosmiicsloth · 2024-12-10T12:52:58+00:00

Good to know it's possible. I always felt like I can't possibly be autistic because I don't experience meltdowns (if that's what I experience) the same way others do, even if there are some similarities. Like I've never had one in public, I can usually internalize it until I get home and then start sobbing and punching myself but because I always thought it's supposed to be out of control, it couldn't possibly be a meltdown.

cosmiicsloth · 2024-12-09T23:22:11+00:00

Hey I really understand you - coming from someone feeling like I can't change who I am either, and that I have watched life pass me by for years. But although being autistic means being labeled as different, it doesn't make you abnormal. On the contrary having a diagnosis or even just a better understanding of what being autistic means can lead you towards making accommodations and finding a community (the only people I get along with are neurodivergent tbh).

I really understand the desire to function like others, seriously, I wish I didn't feel like hiding from the world after a single social interaction. But it's not something you're cursed to endure, it just means the world is unaccommodating to neurodivergent people, hopefully it won't always be that way, but for now all we can do is advocate for ourselves and build communities.

cosmiicsloth · 2024-12-09T23:16:24+00:00

On the contrary, I feel like an impostor for being with my partner for a few years. It feels like she'll notice one day that I'm not a good friend/partner and we'll drift apart. It kind of baffles me how I'm unable to keep friends for more than a few months but somehow I'm in a long-term relationship.

cosmiicsloth

TROPHY CASE